When I was younger, one of my neighbors came over and said he had something important to talk about.
“I have good news,” he said as he waved a piece of paper. “I’ve just signed the neighborhood constitution. It’s going to keep you safe and free. You’re not going to have to worry about a thing, because I’m going to take care of you. Best of all, I’m protecting you against attacks from space aliens.”
I’d never considered the notion that I needed to worry about being attacked by space aliens, but the more I thought about it, well, it seemed like a good idea to have someone protect me from them. And Mr. Madison seemed so sincere, so I figured he must be right.
Not much changed at first. I went on living my life and kept to myself. Every now and then Mr. Madison would tell me that I needed to change something about my house or my yard, but it was no big deal. Mostly I was relieved because the aliens hadn’t attacked.
Mr. Madison couldn’t do all of the protecting and ordering himself, so he deputized members of his family to help out. He only appointed the best, of course, so they had my best interests at heart. That’s what they told me, anyway.

When times turn too dark in my life, I’m grateful for furry antidepressant
I can live without ‘Galt’s Gulch,’ but I need my ‘Akston’s diner’
Replacing Obama with a Republican president won’t change anything
Does Ron Paul lead in Iowa? Does it matter for the long term if he does?
We’re all a little crazy; I worry about those who don’t know it
Tools don’t make you great artist, but tools can change how you feel
The Alien Observer:
Reading through hundreds of my old articles has been unsettling