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David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

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I don’t know how to be popular, and that hurts in a social world

By David McElroy · May 29, 2023

I was a terribly naive child. I was out of touch with social reality.

As my family moved from city to city, I was never among the popular kids at any school. I told myself it was because I was always the new kid everywhere, but some part of me knew better. Some of my peers always had something that made others like them. I seemed to rub people the wrong way — and I never knew why.

Despite this, I expected to be a leader. I knew I was smart and I was able to do things that few of my classmates could do. I thought that would take me far in this world. My childhood goal — a very serious one — was to be elected president of the United States.

As a teen, I had leadership roles at school and at church, but it wasn’t because my peers liked me. It was simply because I knew how to get things done. And when push came to shove, I was handed power and leadership when things needed to get done. But it didn’t make me popular. And I knew that.

I’m decades beyond those confused early expectations, but a part of me has never escaped them. I thought when I became an adult, competence would matter. Nothing else. Sometimes it did, but I often still can rub people the wrong way. Even when I knew how to be popular, I didn’t want to be.

And now I realize that I’m doomed to failure in the media world if I rely on popularity that comes from social media. Whatever it is that social media wants from a man, I don’t have it. And that means I have to make some changes.

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I’m still hungry for healthy love that my 5-year-old self craved

By David McElroy · May 21, 2023

When I was a little boy, I experienced a hunger for something that I could not name.

Since that hunger was never satisfied in any lasting way, I didn’t know what “normal” should feel like. I didn’t know what it would feel like to have my needs filled, so I couldn’t even name what was wrong. And for all the decades of my life, I’ve felt something missing.

The missing piece was love.

I was hungry for a kind of healthy love and acceptance that I’ve never known. And that missing piece at my core left me with the vague knowledge that something was wrong.

For many years, an angry voice inside my head has asked, “What is wrong with me?!”

It didn’t seem like a serious, rational question, but rather reflected the way I felt inside — about some horrible shame lurking at my core. I mostly haven’t been able to put words to the feelings. I’ve just sensed a horrible mixture of fear, shame, anger — and a tremendous terror that I could never be “good enough.”

At every stage of my life, I have tried to find things that could finally chase away those fears — something that could fill the void, that could make me feel loved and connected.

I felt as though I was the only one who felt this way. I felt as though nobody else had experienced the core wound I felt — and that nobody else had gone through the horrible and confusing patterns that I have put myself through.

But I finally understand that everything I’ve done — and everything I’ve felt — was common to people who had suffered childhood trauma. The psychological term for what I was living with was complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD).

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After many years of false starts, my YouTube show finally launches

By David McElroy · May 14, 2023

I don’t remember exactly how long it’s been since I started thinking about doing some sort of video program, but it’s probably been close to 15 years.

In that time, I’ve planned a number of projects and then backed out. I always had a good reason — or good excuse — but the core of it all is that I didn’t know what I was doing. I was afraid I would be humiliated. I thought I might look like a fool. So I came up with reason after reason to quit.

This time was different. I’m not entirely sure why. But whatever the reason is, the first episode is now online. You can watch it for yourself at the bottom of this article.

I had intended to call it David McElroy Live, but I changed it at the last second to the David McElroy Show. I realized that I wouldn’t always want to do the show live, so I wanted to give myself some flexibility to do prerecorded or live shows.

For now, my focus is on making the content at least 10 times more interesting and then gaining at least 100,000 subscribers. Unless I get much better — and quickly — I’m not going to attract the audience that could make the project worth the time and effort.

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I just watched a lovely moonrise going on right ov I just watched a lovely moonrise going on right over sunset. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
It was rainy for much of the day Saturday, but the It was rainy for much of the day Saturday, but the skies started clearing just enough before sunset to display a nice display of colors in the sky near my house. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I just remembered that I shot a couple of frames o I just remembered that I shot a couple of frames of the horizon just after sunset Friday evening. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
This was the beautiful scene that I saw driving ho This was the beautiful scene that I saw driving home about an hour ago just before sunset. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
This was right at sunset Wednesday around 7 p.m. T This was right at sunset Wednesday around 7 p.m. This spot is about a mile from my house. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I like it that we’re getting back to the time of I like it that we’re getting back to the time of year when sunsets happen when I’m in a better position to take photos of them. This was a minute or two before sunset Monday evening. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
The moon looks lovely and bright out here tonight The moon looks lovely and bright out here tonight beneath the bare branches of the winter trees. #nature #naturephotography #sky #birmingham #alabama
It’s been cloudy for much of the day in Birmingh It’s been cloudy for much of the day in Birmingham, but the sunshine’s color was trying to break through the clouds right at sunset. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
It’s been cloudy in Birmingham for much of the d It’s been cloudy in Birmingham for much of the day, but the sun came shining through late Wednesday afternoon just before sunset. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
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Alex poses in an office window late Friday night. Alex poses in an office window late Friday night. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama #caturdayeve
I just got home and Thomas agreed to put up with m I just got home and Thomas agreed to put up with me for a minute or two. But he was quickly done with the indignity of interacting with a mere human. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama #caturdayeve
Alex has decided to stay home and sleep instead of Alex has decided to stay home and sleep instead of going to the office with me this afternoon. I think he’s making a wise decision. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Thomas has the high ground just before midnight as Thomas has the high ground just before midnight as he keeps watch to see when Alex launches his latest attack. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
The grass of the back yard was cut while I was awa The grass of the back yard was cut while I was away this afternoon and Lucy was happy to find a nice, clean lawn to relax on when I arrived home. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
It’s about 2 a.m. and Alex is camped out next to It’s about 2 a.m. and Alex is camped out next to the door between the office and the bedroom. He’s waiting for Thomas to step through the door — and then he pounces at him, starting another round of their late-night chases. They both seem to love it. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
I think the only reason Thomas is still awake is t I think the only reason Thomas is still awake is that he’s keeping an eye out for sneak attacks from Alex, which often happen without warning at this time of the night. It’s dangerous around here. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
My feline friends are in their evening spots at ho My feline friends are in their evening spots at home to wait for me to turn the car into the driveway, which is right outside these two windows. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
This is the look that Lucy gave me when I told her This is the look that Lucy gave me when I told her that she had to go back inside so I could leave the house for some more work. I don’t think she was ready. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
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On a live awards show Sunday night, one man made a joke about a female celebrity. The husband of the celebrity was offended and hit the man who made the joke. Or maybe it was staged for entertainment. Who knows? Who cares? Social media is full of discussion — and even arguments — about this idiocy today. This baffles me. Let’s assume for a moment that the event happened as reported. People have been having such idiotic fights ever since there have been humans. Half the bars in the world see such brief dustups regularly. It simply doesn’t matter. The fact that so many people believe they need to talk about this — or even need to have opinions about it — is more evidence of the bizarre media brainwashing that convinces many to care passionately about brain-dead trivia. Your life will be happier and saner if you focus on yourself, your family and your friends, not on whatever scripted (or spontaneous) bilge that the media wants to pipe into your home.

I’m in the middle of migrating this website to new servers this week. This means you might encounter some unexpected behavior until I get all the bugs worked out. Clicking on my links (including this one) might cause your browser to give you the message that it’s a site without a current security certificate. It’s not actually unsafe, but there’s something which isn’t yet set up for the security certificate. I apologize for any such errors you might encounter while the process is going on. If you notice any problems with content which didn’t migrate properly, I would appreciate you letting me know the details at davidmcelroy@mac.com. Thanks for your patience.

I often wonder what animals think when they look at us and consider the society we’ve created. Yes, I know this is fanciful and unrealistic, but what if they could? Would they be astounded at how we treat each other? Would they be disgusted by the ugliness and pettiness which fill so many of our daily interactions? The truth is that I’m feeling pretty disgusted with humanity tonight. I made the mistake of reading some online interactions that I should have avoided — and it sickened me. The people involved appeared to be vile and stupid and arrogant. I wish I could pretend they’re a tiny minority, but I know better. It’s times such as this when I most need to escape much of “civilization” and disconnect from their world. If humans are going to be worthy of “ruling this planet,” we have a lot of growth to do. And I fear that growth is nowhere in sight. So my buddy Thomas, above, and all of his friends would be right to judge us harshly — and to think, “Why do you folks get to be in charge?”

I should have expected this, but I honestly didn’t. The article I wrote last week about disagreements over treatment for autistic children brought me angry emails. You could almost call it “hate mail.” Of the five emails about it so far, two have been to tell me that I’m wrong to even listen to critics of the most popular therapy for autistic children — and the other three tell me I’m wrong for not condemning the treatment as the “obvious” abuse it is. If you read the article, you know I didn’t take a position on the issue, because I simply don’t know enough to have an opinion. But by talking about the issue, I stepped into a heated controversy. The emails from the two sides convinced me of nothing. But they did give me even more empathy for the unfortunate parents who have to figure out for themselves where the truth lies for their children.

Have you ever had what you thought was a new idea — and then discovered that “old you” had the same idea years ago? I had that experience tonight. And it’s been wonderful. I came up with an idea tonight for a very short satirical film that would be a promotion for a fictitious college. The point is to make the college promote — as good things — everything which is actually terrible about most modern colleges. Then I remembered a fake college that I invented back when I was in college. I had created student recruitment brochures and various newsletters back then, so I decided to call my “new” college by the same name I’d invented years ago: Ochita College. As I searched my computer for any old material I might still have about Ochita from the past, I discovered an email I sent to someone in 2009 — outlining essentially the same idea which I came up with tonight. Since I didn’t remember writing that, it felt like magic. So my next film project just might be this one instead. If all goes well, you might soon see “Ochita College: Your Future Starts Here.” This should be fun.

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