There are times, especially late at night — when all is silent except for the beating of my own heart — when I feel my ego become so calm that I feel neither ambition nor fear. In those moments, I know without doubt that I can become successful making the art I need to make. It’s the rest of the day — when I’m surrounded by other people’s voices — that I end up filled with hidden fears that no one will love me if I take chances, when I doubt myself enough to run from the things I feel compelled to do. Quieting the ego and tuning my spirit to something which Carl Jung might have called Collective Unconscious are my best ways to stay on the path toward making the dent in the Universe which I was put here to make. This is what I was getting at in the piece I wrote a few days ago about my need to be a star. As odd as it might sound, that’s faith talking, not ego.
I constantly run across articles I’ve written at different times over the last nine years which I now wish I’d never published. It’s not always even a matter of disagreeing what what I wrote at the time. Sometimes I just wish I had been kinder in the way I approached something. Other times, it seems as though I wasted my time by writing about something that seems trivial. And yet other times, it’s that I don’t entirely agree with what I said then. I have the strange notion that everything I’ve ever said should somehow reflect the person I am today. That’s not possible, because I’m not the same person I was five years ago or 10 years ago. I like to think I’ve grown. So I guess I’ll continue to cringe at some things I’ve written. I hope I’ll keep growing — enough that I’ll cringe in 10 years at things I write or say today.
Few things make me as happy as receiving email from readers or listeners to tell me that something I’ve done has been useful to them. I’ve been very happy and humbled to receive a number of strongly positive messages in the last couple of weeks about my first three podcast episodes. So far, though, this one which I received about today’s episode is my favorite: “I wanted to let you know your podcasts are healing. I’ve had Lyme disease for a few years and yesterday I was diagnosed with major depression. Your story about your Dad is going to help me at counseling tomorrow. Thank you.” It’s not often that we know when we influence others, so I really appreciate those of you who have taken the time to tell me such things. I hope that something I say can matter to you. I appreciate every one of you.