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David McElroy

An Alien Sent to Observe the Human Race

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What do we prove with huge houses we can’t afford to pay for or even fill?

By David McElroy · April 17, 2012

About 10 years ago, I was at the home of a new political client for a photo shoot involving his family. He lived with a wife and two teen-age kids in a large, sprawling house that looked really impressive. When I got there, the candidate wasn’t home yet, but his daughter was expecting me and let me in.

I told her I wanted to look around at the different rooms to find the best place to shoot pictures. She started showing me the downstairs and then mentioned a large den upstairs with a fireplace that she thought might be nice, so we went to look. We walked up a massive staircase that led to two upper floors, one of which partially looked over the foyer and living room.

We walked down a couple of halls and I started feeling as though I was in a motel. There were doors everywhere. We looked at the den, but I finally asked her about all the other rooms.

“What’s in all of those rooms?” I asked. “It’s just the four of you who live here, isn’t it?”

It turns out that most of the rooms in the house where empty. She showed me. They were large and bare. The daughter couldn’t explain why they had all that empty space and she didn’t seem to understand why I found it odd to have all that much space for so few people.

That candidate didn’t run a serious race and he lost. I never dealt with him again. The only news I ever heard from him after that was when he had declared bankruptcy and lost his impressive home. So what was he trying to prove with that big, empty house? Why have so many people ended up with big houses they can’t afford and certainly don’t need?

I think some of it is cultural. We developed an attitude that bigger is better. And if you live in a neighborhood with houses that are big and expensive, that made you a better person. Or something like that.

The average home size in the United States has almost doubled since 1970, according to the National Association of Homebuilders. This trade group says the average house was 2,700 square feet in 2009, up from 1,400 square feet in 1970. We also have far bigger houses than the rest of the world, on average. According to these figures reported by the BBC (and attributed to the U.S. Census Bureau), the average home in the United States was 2,303 square feet, compared to 1,475 square feet for Denmark, 1,216 square feed for France and just 818 square feet in Great Britain. (The figures from the Census Bureau and the homebuilders are slightly different because the homebuilders would have used the size of new construction and the Census Bureau would use the average of all homes.)

I’ve been thinking about this in my own life for years, partly because I live in a place that’s too big for me. I have a townhouse that’s about 1,450 square feet. How much space do I really need? Probably about a fourth of that. But I pay for this much space and I heat it and cool it. Why? I’m not sure. It’s just the way we do things, I guess.

I’ve been thinking that maybe many of us would do better if we returned to smaller houses. For those in bigger cities with expensive real estate, prices are so high that home sizes aren’t huge for anyone other than the very wealthy. But for many of us, we’ve ended up in places far too big. Is this a problem? Yes, I think it is.

As long as real estate values are headed higher, it seems easy to keep moving to bigger and better houses, because the higher value will make it worth selling for a profit. But what about when values are flat or decline? What about when we face an inevitable economic downturn and it’s suddenly a struggle for people to make those monthly payments? All of a sudden, we’re faced with a crashing housing market, a financial sector teetering on the verge of collapse and angry people looking for others to blame that they’re in foreclosure.

Even if we can “afford” to have mortgages — in the sense of being able to easily make the payments — is it a smart thing to do? More and more, I’m thinking that it makes sense to build or buy something tiny for whatever cash you can come up with, then saving money until you can actually pay for something a bit bigger. I know there are tradeoffs — and I know that different size tradeoffs will be appropriate for different families — but I see far too many people who live in huge houses that they absolutely don’t need, yet they’re struggling to afford their lifestyles.

Take a look at the video below. It’s about a family of four — husband, wife and two kids — who live in a 168-square-foot house that they built for $12,000. It’s certainly not ideal (and it’s smaller than what I’d want with kids), but it’s what they needed to do after the economic downturn destroyed their business and led to their losing their home in 2008. Because they live in a tiny house that’s paid for, they’re able to save for another house — and when they buy it, they’ll own it outright.

So how did we ever get into this situation? As I said, I think culture has a lot to do with it, but I think lobbying pressure from the homebuilding industry, the financial industry and Realtors had a lot to do with it. Those groups have powerful lobbies in Washington. Do you think it’s just a coincidence that federal tax policies have subsidized the building and financing of bigger and bigger houses?

Realtors, builders and bankers want us to buy bigger and better houses. Builders want to build the houses. Realtors want to sell them. Banks want to make interest from the loans. (Speaking of loans, even if you’re not one of those with 30-year mortgages that might never be paid off, have you ever looked at an amortization schedule for your mortgage? Do you realize how much of your monthly payments are pure interest for the banks? Plug your own numbers in here. You might be surprised to see half of your monthly payment going to the bank, not toward your principal.)

If you want to take a chance by having a big, expensive house that could become a dead weight around your neck in times of financial trouble, that’s your business. But the more I think about it, the more it makes sense to me to reduce costs and save money. Our culture has turned away from saving and from being prepared for the future. The recent downturn should have us reconsidering the wisdom of many of the decisions we’ve made.

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Tyler Barnes will never be a basketball star. He probably peaked as a star high school player in Louisville, Ky. But for the last four years, he’s been a walk-on player for the University of Alabama. He’s a chemical engineering major with lots of academic honors who rides the bench because he loves being part of a team. He sometimes gets into games with a minute or two to go, but only if Alabama has a big lead. This Saturday, it was senior day for Alabama basketball, so it was his last chance to play in Coleman Coliseum. Alabama Coach Nate Oats says that one of the team starter’s came to him an hour before the game started — and fellow senior Alex Reese asked Oats if Barnes could start in his place for this one game. Even though the game was huge for Alabama, which is ranked No. 6 in the country and trying to wrap up an SEC title, Oats agreed. Barnes started and played the first three minutes, grabbing what was only the fourth rebound of his career and missing his only shot. Barnes has a great future as an engineer, but you’ll never again hear from him as a basketball player. For three shining minutes Saturday, though, he was a starter for a top-10 college basketball team — and his parents were in the stands from Kentucky to see it. There’s a lot of ugliness in college basketball right now, but this story makes me happy.

It was five years ago tonight when Lucy first rode in the car with me. She was on her way to her “forever home” with me that night, but she didn’t know it, so she was terrified. It was a much happier and braver girl who took a ride in the car tonight so we could go through a drive-through window and order a hamburger for her — to celebrate five years with me. She had a great time. If she could remember five years ago tonight, she would be proud of how far she’s come, too. If you’d like to know more about Lucy’s journey from scared dog to brave queen of the household, here’s something I wrote after her first year with me. I’m hoping this girl will have many more happy years with me.

I’ve never been attracted to skinny women. There’s nothing wrong with someone who’s naturally thin, but it’s never been my preference. What has shocked me, though, is the judgment I’ve heard from women all through my life — about themselves and others — about who’s “fat.” I concluded long ago that most women in our culture have been brainwashed to believe that skinny is attractive — and that anything other than skinny is ugly. I first assumed that I was the oddball — for preferring women with bigger and heavier bodies — but I’m coming to the conclusion that most men naturally feel this way to one extent or another. I just ran across new research by a couple of Northwestern University psychology professors that shows that women seriously overestimate how much a straight man will be attracted to a skinny woman. In a perfect world, we would all be at a healthy weight, but when it comes to attractiveness, too heavy is more attractive than skinny. At least to me — and to a lot of men, too.

Years ago, I heard a question that seemed very insightful at the time. You’ve probably heard it, too. What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail? The question is intended to help you uncover things you really want to do, but which you’re afraid to try — for fear of failure. In an interview today, I heard the great marketing guru Seth Godin give a different point of view. He said the better question is to ask what you would do even if you knew it would fail. That struck me as far more insightful than the original version. We ought to be doing what we know is right, not what will maximize our success or praise from others. There are some battles that are worth fighting even if you believe you’re doomed to failure. Those battles are often for love or important ideas or our children. Some things are simply worth fighting for — and the truth is that you might win anyway. Do the right thing. Take the chance.

The more I understand about myself, about human nature and about the nature of reality, the more I realize I’m a radical by the standards of both Modernism and Postmodernism. Seeing the things which I’m stumbling toward makes me an enemy of many of the core ideas upon which contemporary culture is built. It exposes the culture as a monstrous lie — like a dangerous infection that’s slowly destroying what human were created to be. My “inner observer” has always known that truth was found in the ideas of the Enlightenment, but I’m slowly finding words to explain what has merely been instinct until now. The Enlightenment was humanity’s great leap forward, but shallow and arrogant thinkers for the next two centuries threw away the fruits of that achievement. We can’t go forward as a species until we go back to correct this intellectual and spiritual error — and part of that is acknowledging that our collective attempts to do away with our Creator will always fail.

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