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David McElroy

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Human mind will always be weak link in communication technology

By David McElroy · May 20, 2012

I’ve been talking a lot recently with a woman who’s from Europe. She lives in this country, so her English is excellent. Still, since English isn’t her native language, there are times when there are tiny gaps in communication between us — enough that it’s prompted me to think about how people use words to communicate.

There are times when I might use a particular word or phrase and she will interpret it as something entirely different from what I intended to convey. It’s not that she’s misunderstanding the words themselves. It’s simply that English words can mean so many different things in different contexts.

I’ve noticed from talking to her that some things we say — that we understand to mean certain things — can mean entirely different things if you interpret the words literally and don’t have decades of experience in learning the cultural context.

Even simple things can be confusing. She was going through something potentially difficult this past week, so I sent her an email to encourage her and say that I’d be “thinking about you” as she went through the issue. She had to ask — just to be sure — whether “thinking about you” means something different from “thinking of you.”

The whole experience has given me a new appreciation for how difficult English is to learn for someone who doesn’t grow up speaking it.

As I’ve pondered how language works between us — how it sometimes facilitates communication and sometimes impedes it — I’ve thought about why miscommunication of all kinds between humans is so common and why it seems to be so hard to improve.

The limitations of language mean that perfect intent can’t be conveyed, because words are imperfect symbols of abstract thoughts and feelings (which are really subconscious). So some meaning is lost when I choose my words and when you interpret my words back into the native “abstract code” of your “inner brain.” (When we move communication online — with no cues that come from tone of voice and facial expression — the “signal loss” can be even greater.)

We also have to factor in the unconscious bias that both the sender and receiver of a message have — bias about certain words and about the meanings themselves — which change perceptions of the words ever so slightly.

Another important variable is ego. When I communicate to you, I’m not just communicating my overt message. I’m also (usually unconsciously) trying to project an image of who I am. I’m trying to get you to see me the way I want to be seen, so I unconsciously do it in ways that will be consistent with what I want you to think of me. In the same way, the listener’s ego gets in the way. The listener can hear what she wants to hear (or doesn’t want to hear), depending on what the emotional need of the moment is.

Through it all, the sender of a message is likely to believe he’s been completely clear. The receiver is likely to assume she’s correctly interpreted intent. With all of this “signal loss,” what percentage of real original intent makes it through?

Why are we usually so unaware of the gap between sender intent and receiver understanding?

The more I think about it, I’m amazed that human communication works as well as it does, but improving it substantially seems like a pipe dream.

One of the saddest things about our limited ability to communicate is that humans crave real communication with others, in multiple ways. To really understand someone else and to be understood creates a feeling of intimacy unlike almost anything else in the world. For many of us, not having that is akin to feeling starved — and it leads to deep depression.

We humans might be terrible at communication. There may be tremendous “signal loss” when we try. But we keep doing it, not just because it’s pragmatically useful, but because connecting with others defines who we are. If there’s someone you can make a real connection with, that’s worth more than most people realize — and it’s worth fighting past the stumbling blocks.

That’s because we need real connection with another human for emotional and psychological survival — just as much as we need food and water for physical survival.

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On a live awards show Sunday night, one man made a joke about a female celebrity. The husband of the celebrity was offended and hit the man who made the joke. Or maybe it was staged for entertainment. Who knows? Who cares? Social media is full of discussion — and even arguments — about this idiocy today. This baffles me. Let’s assume for a moment that the event happened as reported. People have been having such idiotic fights ever since there have been humans. Half the bars in the world see such brief dustups regularly. It simply doesn’t matter. The fact that so many people believe they need to talk about this — or even need to have opinions about it — is more evidence of the bizarre media brainwashing that convinces many to care passionately about brain-dead trivia. Your life will be happier and saner if you focus on yourself, your family and your friends, not on whatever scripted (or spontaneous) bilge that the media wants to pipe into your home.

I’m in the middle of migrating this website to new servers this week. This means you might encounter some unexpected behavior until I get all the bugs worked out. Clicking on my links (including this one) might cause your browser to give you the message that it’s a site without a current security certificate. It’s not actually unsafe, but there’s something which isn’t yet set up for the security certificate. I apologize for any such errors you might encounter while the process is going on. If you notice any problems with content which didn’t migrate properly, I would appreciate you letting me know the details at davidmcelroy@mac.com. Thanks for your patience.

I often wonder what animals think when they look at us and consider the society we’ve created. Yes, I know this is fanciful and unrealistic, but what if they could? Would they be astounded at how we treat each other? Would they be disgusted by the ugliness and pettiness which fill so many of our daily interactions? The truth is that I’m feeling pretty disgusted with humanity tonight. I made the mistake of reading some online interactions that I should have avoided — and it sickened me. The people involved appeared to be vile and stupid and arrogant. I wish I could pretend they’re a tiny minority, but I know better. It’s times such as this when I most need to escape much of “civilization” and disconnect from their world. If humans are going to be worthy of “ruling this planet,” we have a lot of growth to do. And I fear that growth is nowhere in sight. So my buddy Thomas, above, and all of his friends would be right to judge us harshly — and to think, “Why do you folks get to be in charge?”

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Have you ever had what you thought was a new idea — and then discovered that “old you” had the same idea years ago? I had that experience tonight. And it’s been wonderful. I came up with an idea tonight for a very short satirical film that would be a promotion for a fictitious college. The point is to make the college promote — as good things — everything which is actually terrible about most modern colleges. Then I remembered a fake college that I invented back when I was in college. I had created student recruitment brochures and various newsletters back then, so I decided to call my “new” college by the same name I’d invented years ago: Ochita College. As I searched my computer for any old material I might still have about Ochita from the past, I discovered an email I sent to someone in 2009 — outlining essentially the same idea which I came up with tonight. Since I didn’t remember writing that, it felt like magic. So my next film project just might be this one instead. If all goes well, you might soon see “Ochita College: Your Future Starts Here.” This should be fun.

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