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David McElroy

An Alien Sent to Observe the Human Race

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No matter where I might ever live, the South will always be my home

By David McElroy · May 16, 2013

I-20 near Birmingham

It was the blue of the sky that suddenly grabbed my attention. Then it was the various shades of green in the trees around me. I was taking a walk in my neighborhood Wednesday afternoon when the beauty around me hit me so hard that it almost hurt my heart to feel it all.

For this moment in time, I couldn’t imagine being in any place on earth more beautiful. I couldn’t imagine anything more perfect than the stunning colors and shades and smells of my surroundings. It wasn’t just beauty, though. It was an emotional feeling that welled up inside.

It was about being in the place called home.

I don’t understand nationalism or patriotism anymore. George Bernard Shaw said, “Patriotism is, fundamentally, a conviction that a particular country is the best in the world because you were born in it….” I don’t have any particular argument at the moment with those who feel differently. I’m just saying that I’ve come to a point in life when I don’t feel connected to a country or a government. But I understand what it means to love the land you call home.

For me, home is a place that’s both wonderful and flawed. It’s reviled and misunderstood by outsiders. It’s full of people who have internalized so much of the criticism and prejudice about themselves that they’ve become insecure.

I once had an employee whose engineer husband had been transferred to Birmingham by his company. When they found out they were being moved away from their home in Wisconsin, all of their friends told them how terrible Alabama was going to be. They were told that it’s flat and has no trees. They were also assured that there were no white people here, so they were going to be ignored. The picture that was painted for them by their all-knowing friends was one of gloom and doom.

When they moved down here, they were delighted with how beautiful it was. There were hills and trees and  natural beauty all around. The people were generally warm and friendly and welcoming. The cost of living was lower and they were able to afford a nicer home with better schools than what they had experienced back home. When it came time for the company to move them back to Wisconsin, he left the company and found another job — so they could stay in the state they had come to love.

People don’t understand the South or southerners in many respects. They’ve seen too many bad movies made by ignorant directors who paint southerners as just a bunch of hillbillies who live in trailers. Of course you can find people like that, but you can also find intelligent, talented and educated people (and everything in between), just as you can anywhere.

Spring trees in TrussvilleAbout five years ago, I was planning to marry a woman from another part of the country. When she broke the news to her mother, the horrified mother said something on the order of, “But you wouldn’t actually live there, would you?”

People who would rail against prejudice — and the ugly racial history here that’s the legacy of slavery — don’t realize just how much prejudice they show when they judge and condemn a place they don’t know anything about.

For many southerners — including me — there’s a weird sort of defensiveness and pride that go hand-in-hand. In many ways, we’re ashamed of the racial legacy that other people brand us with, but we wonder why the same condemnation doesn’t apply to other places where slavery also once existed. We wonder why some people are so eager to preach tolerance while pushing a political and historical agenda that demonizes people with standards that aren’t applied to the ancestors of other people.

That mix of pride and defensiveness makes many of us eager to latch onto the most positive things we can to prove to people that we’re not the rubes that we’re portrayed as. (Until the company had financial trouble and had to be broken up, Saks Fifth Avenue was headquartered here in Birmingham. That used to make people’s heads explode as they tried to come to grips with it.)

It’s become a cliche because it’s been played so much, but we love “Sweet Home Alabama.” A band from Jacksonville, Fla., spent enough time recording in Alabama that they loved the place and wrote the song as a response to Canadian Neil Young’s songs “Southern Man” and “Alabama,” which were his indictment of racism in the ’60s in the South. In response, Lynyrd Skynyrd sang:

Well, I heard Mr. Young sing about her
Well, I heard ol’ Neil put her down
Well, I hope Neil Young will remember
A southern man don’t need him around anyhow

It was just a song to Lynyrd Skynyrd. For many in Alabama, it was a defiant defense — a raucous and joyful statement that we didn’t appreciate being stereotyped. We didn’t appreciate the broad brush that was used to paint use as a bunch of racists. If you want to make a crowd here happy, play that song. It’s become something of an unofficial state anthem. For me, it’s become a statement to the world that basically says, “You folks might not understand us. You might judge us without knowing us. But we’re proud of our home — and you can’t take the dignity of loving our home away from us.”

Bobby Greenwood waves UA flagIdentifying with the South in general — and Alabama in particular — is an emotional thing and it crops up when I least expect it sometimes. When my university — the University of Alabama — won college football’s national championship three years ago, for the first time in close to 20 years, I got teary-eyed and emotional. It’s not that I care that much about football. It’s that my team — my school — was the best at something, even if it was simply running around on a football field and hitting people.

I can get emotional and feel intense pride when I see progress the university is making. My school attracts a ridiculous number of National Merit Scholars, usually in the top two or three among public universities in the country. More than half of the most recent freshman class is from out of state. Various schools of the university are highly ranked. I won’t bore you with the specifics, but the point is that it matters to me. It matters because every little piece of advancement I see is one more way that I feel I can say — that we can say — we’re not what you think we are.

I’m proud of the artists and athletes and scholars who are from here. You know who many of them are — even if you don’t know where they’re from — and there are many others you’ve never heard of. I’m proud of what many of my people have done. I don’t care if they’re black or white or Hispanic or anything else. If they’re from here and they’re making the world better in some way, I claim them and I appreciate them.

I’m not a fan of country music, but a country band called Alabama had a song about 20 years ago called “My Home’s in Alabama,” which speaks nicely about the way I feel about myself. The chorus goes:

My home’s in Alabama
No matter where I lay my head
My home’s in Alabama
Southern born and Southern bred

I don’t know where the future will take me. I’m very willing to live wherever I need to. For various reasons, I might very well move away from here. That’s fine with me.

But wherever the future takes me, this place will be my home. The trees and the hills. The water and the blue skies and colorful sunsets. Even the people and the ugly history. The land and the people — the good and the bad — are where I came from. They’re who I am, whether it makes sense to you or not.

Come visit Alabama. Get to know us. You might come to love us and realize we’re not who you think we are. Stay here and become one of us. Maybe the South can become your home, too.

Note: The pictures with this article are mostly photos I’ve shot around here. At top is a sunset on I-20 westbound on the eastern side of Birmingham. Next is a tree in my suburb, which happens to be very close to the place that caught my attention Wednesday and prompted this piece. Third is former Alabama football player Bobby Greenwood celebrating the 2009 college football national championship. Below is an old mill that was converted decades ago into a home in a wealthy suburb of Birmingham. For more other random beautiful and interesting things in Alabama, check out this Pinterest page maintained by the Birmingham Public Library.

Old mill-Mountain Brook

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There was a brief splash of sunset color Saturday There was a brief splash of sunset color Saturday evening just after the sun sank beneath the western horizon. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
Every spring, I have this internal debate. Are the Every spring, I have this internal debate. Are these flowers or weeds? They’re small flowers in my yard, but I didn’t plant them. Those who think a yard should look like a manicured golf course would say they’re weeds which need to be killed. But they’re beautiful and they cost me nothing, so why wouldn’t I leave them in place and enjoy them? #nature #naturephotography #flowers #spring #birmingham #alabama
This one is unusual for me, but as I headed home l This one is unusual for me, but as I headed home late Friday night, I became fascinated by the notion that U.S. 411 near my house was a race track and the cars and trucks were all unknowing participants in a grand auto race. The service station is just a pit stop into which many pull to get fuel and then they continue their cross-country trek on nearby I-20. We just don’t have any idea who wins this race, because there are no rules.
Here’s the Sunday evening sunset from Moody, Ala Here’s the Sunday evening sunset from Moody, Ala., which is just to the east of Birmingham. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I came out of a grocery store just after 7 p.m. an I came out of a grocery store just after 7 p.m. and caught the last light of sunset from the parking lot. I’m always surprised when I see views such as this and notice that hardly anybody stops to watch the beauty as it unfolds. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I just stepped out of a restaurant about 15 minute I just stepped out of a restaurant about 15 minutes after sunset and noticed these gorgeous pastel colors fading along the horizon to the west. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
Tonight’s sunset was very soft and delicate, lik Tonight’s sunset was very soft and delicate, like something from a painting with pastels. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I am endlessly fascinated by the beauty of bare tr I am endlessly fascinated by the beauty of bare tree branches against a night sky, but my photos of such scenes never seem to quite match the loveliness of what I see in person. #nature #naturephotography #tree #night #sky #birmingham #alabama
I stopped at the Cahaba River bridge on I-459 just I stopped at the Cahaba River bridge on I-459 just south of Birmingham to catch this sunset shot on the way home from work Tuesday evening. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
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Molly has been asleep, but I just filled her water Molly has been asleep, but I just filled her water bowl, so she’s come to inspect the bowl to make sure the job I did was up to her standards. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #greeneyes #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Thomas is alertly curious late Saturday night as M Thomas is alertly curious late Saturday night as Molly looks on from his protective shadow behind him. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama #caturday
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Molly got to lick the ice cream bowl after I was f Molly got to lick the ice cream bowl after I was finished — and she purred the entire time. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #greeneyes #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama #caturdayeve
Molly is super excited as she realizes there’s i Molly is super excited as she realizes there’s ice cream in the house — and she’ll get some if she plays her cards right. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #greeneyes #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama #caturdayeve
Thomas peeks around Molly to see if I’m trying t Thomas peeks around Molly to see if I’m trying to head his way to pick him up, too. As long as Molly is between us, he knows she’s more in danger of receiving unwanted attention than he is. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Molly wasn’t so excited to pose for a picture wi Molly wasn’t so excited to pose for a picture with me. In fact, she seems more like a death-row convict on the way to execution. She was happy when the ordeal was over. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #greeneyes #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Lucy just had dinner a moment ago, but she seems t Lucy just had dinner a moment ago, but she seems to be so stuffed that she’s already thinking about turning in for an evening nap. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
Merlin’s full attention is devoted to the birds Merlin’s full attention is devoted to the birds outside an office window, but Molly is sound asleep behind him and couldn’t care less. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
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I received the first dose of a COVID-19 vaccine Monday — and I’m happy to report that I’m neither dead nor a zombie controlled by Bill Gates and Co. Eligibility was recently opened in Alabama to everyone who’s 16 or older, so I signed up for the Pfizer vaccine at a site run by a local university. I know this is a political issue for a lot of people, but that honestly baffles me. We can disagree about whether such a vaccine should be mandatory — which I’m against — but as a voluntary choice, it seems like an easy choice now that it’s been safely given to millions of people. Is it a perfect preventative? Of course not. But the decision seemed obvious to me when looking at the statistics and evidence. I haven’t had any of the side effects that some people have experienced, but that’s supposed to be more of an issue after the second dose, which I’ll get on May 3. In the meantime, I’ll let you know if I grow a third arm — or if the secret microchip kicks in and someone starts trying to control me remotely. All kidding aside, getting the vaccine seems like a rational voluntary choice to me.

I get a lot of email from readers. Some of it is fascinating and useful. Some of it is full of confessions that people want to share with a stranger. Some people write to ask advice. What’s really surprising, though, is the small percentage that seems to come from mentally unbalanced people. When I started using the metaphor about being an alien — the tagline at the top of each page here — it never occurred to me that I’d start hearing from people who took it seriously. But every few months, I get a strange email — such as the one above from a few months back — from someone who seems to think I’m claiming to be an actual alien. The first time it happened, I laughed. By the time it became a semi-regular thing, I was simply appalled. For the record, I can provide no proof that I’m an alien, because … well … it’s just a metaphor. I do feel like an alien among human beings, but as far as I know, I’m just as earthbound as you are. It’s just a metaphor. Honest. Or at least, that’s what my lizard-beast overlords told me to say.

After Tampa Bay, Fla., musician Colt Clark had all of his gigs canceled last year for months on end, the entire family felt trapped at home as most of the world was on quarantine lockdown. His wife, Aubree, had an idea that would let Colt make music and involve the whole family in making music videos to share with their friends and family on Facebook. Aubree is a photographer and homeschooling mom to a daughter and two sons, who range in age from 6 to 11. After their friends started asking to share the videos, they made the performances public — and a few of them are now on YouTube, where they go by the name of Colt Clark and the Quarantine Kids. The younger son, Becket, is on drums. The older boy, Cash, plays keyboards, strings and guitars. Dad supplies lead vocals and plays guitar, while 6-year-old Bellamy mostly dances but sometimes does backup vocals. There’s even a dog who makes an occasional appearance. The Clark family has just raised the bar for what I need to create with my future children. And best of all, they seem to be having a great time together. I hope they make you as happy as they make me.

Have you ever wondered how the social media world works for so-called “influencers”? I find it comical, so I thought I’d share with you. I frequently get offers such as what I’m about to describe. And if I’m getting such offers — as a relative nobody in the online world — you can only imagine what people with huge audiences are offered. It starts with an email appealing to my ego: “We came across your online presence and we LOVE your style. We’d love to have you as one of our Brand Ambassadors. To celebrate our new [Brand Name] collection, we want to give you a FREE Watch so you can post a picture of you wearing it and drive more exposure to our brand.” Did you hear that? They love me. They want me to be seen wearing their cheap $59 watch so other people will think, “If this amazing influencer wears that, surely I should buy one.” They even offer me commissions on the watches sold from people clicking from my site. So the next time you see some alleged “influencer” touting something online or on social media, remember that this is what it’s probably all about. It’s laughable.

Modern culture is going insane. The latest evidence comes from the effort to redefine children’s author Dr. Seuss as a racist whose books should be banned. Why? Because a few images in those books don’t meet modern political standards. The drawing you see here is one of those “dangerously racist images,” and it comes from the Dr. Seuss classic, “And to Think That I Saw it on Mulberry Street.” The book catalogs all the wild diversity seen by a child on one street, including the offending drawing of a Chinese boy. What’s racist about it? Apparently, it was racist to show the boy eating rice, wearing a funny hat, using chopsticks and (worst of all) having eyes represented by a slit. (The bearded man near him has dots for eyes, but that’s apparently OK.) In other words, the stereotypes are considered racist today. (Oddly, the culture warriors who fret over such things are never concerned if a white southerner is depicted as ignorant trash living in a trailer. Some stereotypes are great, especially if the left hates those people anyway.) Theodore Geisel — the name of the real-life Dr. Seuss — was a product of his time and nobody at that time would have seen any of this as racist. Using stereotypes and exaggerations is how artists depict differences in simple ways. You can argue that it’s better to achieve the end result in a different way, but it’s insane to pretend that everybody from the past should have his work erased because it doesn’t match the preferences of modern leftists. Unfortunately, the company that publishes Dr. Seuss books has caved to the insane people — and six of his popular works will no longer be published. The world has simply gone insane.

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