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David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

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Perfect time for reaching a goal can come right after you’ve given up

By David McElroy · August 6, 2015

Sunset-Aug. 6, 2015-small

I used to take a lot of sunset pictures, but I haven’t felt much like it this year. I wanted to test something about my camera, though, so I went to a hill near where I live Thursday evening to wait for sunset.

My iPhone’s weather app told me that sunset would be at 7:41 p.m. I was in place three minutes early, with my iPhone and my Canon T3i. There were clouds, but the light didn’t look promising. Except for a few spotty pink streaks, the sky was gray.

I know from experience that the color can suddenly appear up to about 10 minutes after sunset, so I waited. But nothing happened. The sky continued to look gray with a few very minor streaks of color from time to time. When the clock got to 7:55 and there was still nothing worth photographing, I was disappointed.

I decided to quit waiting. I got into the car and started driving down the hill where I’d been waiting.

When I had driven almost completely down the hill, I suddenly looked up and saw an amazing pastel image of flaming shades of orange and pink mixed with gray and black. It was perfect, but I was now out of position.

I quickly turned the car around and got to a decent vantage point. It wasn’t quite as good a spot as where I’d been to start with, but it would still work. I jumped out of the car and had time to shoot about four frames — right before the vibrant rays of colorful light faded away just as quickly as they had appeared.

As I stood there watching the last delicate pieces of God’s artwork fading into the darkness, it occurred to me that this was a lot like many things in life that we wait for. Paradoxically, there are many times when the perfect opportunity for achieving a goal comes right after we’ve given up on it.

When I want something very badly, I’m not always patient. We live in an age when we think we should have everything we want — right now. We don’t literally believe that, of course, but I think we end up being influenced by that way of thinking even if we don’t want to be.

When it comes to the things that matter most in life, how much would we have that we desperately want if we were willing to keep waiting, keep working and keep believing that we’re going to have them?

I know we can’t have everything we want. I’ll never be an NBA basketball player. I’ll never captain a starship and explore deep space. If I spent my life waiting for someone to recognize my obvious qualifications to be the next James T. Kirk — and build the starship to match — I would die as a disappointed old man. And I’d ignore numerous great (and realistic) opportunities along the way. So, yes, we can carry it too far.

But I think we default to giving up too easily on our dreams instead of believing for too long.

I’ve been talking lately with a 25-year-old woman who is frustrated with where she is in life. She had dreams and desires, but she followed the preferences of her mother instead. She went to college where her mother wanted. She tried to pursue what her mother wanted her to do. She believed it would have been selfish to pursue what she wanted.

Now that she realizes she should have pursued her own desires, she’s afraid she’s too late. She’s down on herself and frustrated, feeling as though she can’t fix things.

I was reminded of her when I thought about my lesson from the sunset tonight. It’s true that she’s dug herself a hole in life. For her to achieve what she dreamed of, she will have to do a lot of work — psychologically and pragmatically. But her biggest enemy isn’t the hole she’s in. Her biggest enemy is that she’s ready to give up — at the age of 25.

I’d love to be where she is, because I didn’t understand nearly as much as she does when I was 25. I wasted a lot more years before I understood where I’d come from and where I wanted to go. She’s ahead of where I was at her age, but all she can see is the frustration of being where she is — not the opportunity she has to be somewhere great in five years.

There are times when we have to give up on dreams. I’ve given up on some of mine, so I understand. Especially when we’re waiting for someone else to make a choice, we sometimes can’t change what another person wants. But it seems as though a little bit more perseverance will frequently get what we really want. We might have to swallow our pride and change our approach, but giving up makes it a certainty that we can’t get what we believe we want.

If I had stayed at the top of that hill just two minutes longer Thursday evening, I would have had a much better picture than the one I got. The one I shot was beautiful and I love it, but I was very close to something even better. I just wasn’t patient enough.

Sometimes we just need to sit on that metaphorical hill a couple more minutes. Change can happen when we least expect it.

Note: Here’s a full-size version of the Thursday night sunset that I did get, suitable for framing, screensavers and projecting onto the sides of large buildings. Or something like that.

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The aftermath of sunset looked soft and pastel Tue The aftermath of sunset looked soft and pastel Tuesday evening. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I didn’t have my “real camera” with me, but I didn’t have my “real camera” with me, but the iPhone gives you a sense of how colorful the sky was just a moment ago right before the sun slipped beneath the horizon. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
The Saturday evening sunset punches through the he The Saturday evening sunset punches through the heavy clouds sitting just over the horizon, just enough to create a spectacular orange show as the world spins toward another night of darkness. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
This was sunset just east of Birmingham Wednesday This was sunset just east of Birmingham Wednesday evening behind the restaurant where I had dinner. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
One of the best things about this time of year is One of the best things about this time of year is that I see far more sunsets since they occur later in the evening. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I caught just the very end of sunset through the t I caught just the very end of sunset through the trees behind the restaurant where I’m eating Tuesday evening. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
One of the things I really enjoy about spring is h One of the things I really enjoy about spring is having sunsets later in the evening. Here’s the one I just watched while I was at dinner. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I just caught the very end of sunset, but I loved I just caught the very end of sunset, but I loved how the fading colors looked behind the evening clouds. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
This beautiful flowering tree was gorgeous against This beautiful flowering tree was gorgeous against the stunning blue sky at a house I showed to someone Thursday afternoon. Spring seems to already be in full swing. #nature #naturephotography #sky #flowers #tree #birmingham #alabama
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For “throwback Thursday, let me introduce you to For “throwback Thursday, let me introduce you to Sam. In 2009, I took in a young feral cat who I named for the early American revolutionary Samuel Adams. He was one of the most confident — downright arrogant, in fact — cats I’ve ever been around. He had an amazing personality and I immediately loved him. He was no more than 8 or 9 months old when he suddenly died for reasons that my vet couldn’t explain. Even though I had him only a short time, he was one of my all-time favorites. #tbt #cats #tabby #feral #birmingham #alabama
I’ve never been as curious about what a cat migh I’ve never been as curious about what a cat might be thinking as I constantly am about Merlin. As I watch him sitting here on the edge of my desk late Wednesday night, I can’t help but conclude he’s a very deep thinker. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Lucy has been happily rolling around in the freshl Lucy has been happily rolling around in the freshly cut grass of the back yard Wednesday evening. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
Thomas believes that he is the Most Interesting Ca Thomas believes that he is the Most Interesting Cat in the World — and I can’t say he’s wrong tonight. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Merlin is ready for me to turn the last of the off Merlin is ready for me to turn the last of the office lights off so he and Thomas can sleep peacefully without me muttering to myself as I write. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Lucy just finished a Neighborhood Watch patrol and Lucy just finished a Neighborhood Watch patrol and now she’s cooling off in the back yard before heading inside for dinner. Her work is never done. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
Except when he’s asleep, Thomas always looks as Except when he’s asleep, Thomas always looks as though he’s on high alert and ready to run away from danger. His feral early years still dominate his internal programming. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Lucy just finished her last walk of the day, but s Lucy just finished her last walk of the day, but she still wants more attention. She’s sitting in front of me looking expectantly. She seems certain that we will go outside for one more adventure if she’s persistent enough. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
My favorite photos of Merlin tend to be those — My favorite photos of Merlin tend to be those — such as this one — in which he seems to be contemplating difficult issues. Feline philosophy or quantum physics or something else that he figures I wouldn’t understand. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama #caturday
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