• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to secondary sidebar
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

David McElroy

An Alien Sent to Observe the Human Race

  • About
  • Podcasts

Apologize while you still can, because you’ll live with regret

By David McElroy · April 12, 2018

She was hurt and scared that night as we talked about our relationship. We had planned to get married, but our relationship was spinning out of control. I was losing interest and she didn’t understand why she was losing me. At that point, I didn’t even understand why I was pulling away.

As we sat in my car that night, she was crying and telling me how unhappy she was with how things were between us. I knew I needed to end the relationship, but I was afraid to let her go.

In her intense frustration and despair, she said something that offended me. Wait. Let me back up. It wasn’t what she said, but the specific way in which she said it that upset me. The specifics don’t matter. In the middle of her pouring out her heart about hurt and unhappiness, I chose to get upset about her choice of words.

I angrily stormed out of the car and slammed the door, walking off and leaving her there.

I was completely wrong that night, but I never did apologize. I don’t even remember how that night ended, but I do know that I blew the chance to do the right thing. In fact, I blew my chance twice.

When she was pouring out her hurts and frustrations, I blew the chance to listen and empathize. I was more concerned with protecting my ego. I was concerned with not being wrong about anything. I was concerned with winning an argument, not with listening to someone who was being vulnerable enough to share her worst fears and hurts with me.

I blew it.

Then after I blew up and stormed away, I continued to be more concerned with being right than I was with her underlying feelings. I remained defensive and overly critical about something so tiny that I should have been willing to set it aside. Instead of realizing how callous and uncaring I was, I doubled down on my mistake by playing the victim and acting as though I was on superior ground.

By not apologizing, I blew it again.

Even though that happened years ago, that mistake frequently comes to my mind. I learned a lot from that relationship — and from that night — but it still humiliates me that I handled the situation so poorly.

That woman and I went our separate ways. She’s apparently had a very happy life since then and we’ve had no contact. I would be shocked if she even still remembered the incident.

But I regret that I didn’t apologize while I still had the chance.

It’s too late to apologize by now. Our lives went in very different directions. It would be out of place for me to say — at this point — the things I wish I’d said that night. If I were to apologize now, I would be apologizing because I want to feel better about myself — not because she has any interest in hearing anything from me.

The biggest thing I learned that night — even though it took me too long to learn it — is that an apology needs to come quickly if it’s going to come at all. By this point in my life, I’m mature enough — just barely — to set aside my pride and my shame when I need to. I can say, “I’m so sorry I did that. I was completely wrong. I apologize. Will you forgive me?”

I wish I could go back in time to that night and say those words to her. I would even settle for going back to the day after. Even that would have been acceptable. But by now, I’m the only one who lives with it — and I can’t get the redemption that I should have gotten then.

The apology would matter to me, but it wouldn’t matter to her — because nothing about me matters to her anymore.

If you’ve wronged someone, set aside your pride and say so. The other person already knows it. He’s already hurt by what you said or did. Your remaining silent to protect your ego doesn’t change what you did.

But if you fail to say, “I apologize,” when you need to, you’re hurting yourself. After that other person has hardened his heart or shut you out of his life or simply moved on without you, you’re the one who’s going to periodically remember what you did.

You’re the one who’s going to have to live with knowing you were too petty — too prideful, too full of your own ego — to offer the apology that might offer comfort to your soul when you think about your hurtful action years later.

Share on Social Networks

Related Posts

  • We’re neither friends nor enemies, just strangers who share the past
  • ‘This path leads to somewhere I think I can finally say, I’m home’
  • When love finally dies, it’s like a fever breaks and the pain is gone

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: forgiveness, love, relationships

Primary Sidebar

My Instagram

Tonight’s sunset was very soft and delicate, lik Tonight’s sunset was very soft and delicate, like something from a painting with pastels. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I am endlessly fascinated by the beauty of bare tr I am endlessly fascinated by the beauty of bare tree branches against a night sky, but my photos of such scenes never seem to quite match the loveliness of what I see in person. #nature #naturephotography #tree #night #sky #birmingham #alabama
I stopped at the Cahaba River bridge on I-459 just I stopped at the Cahaba River bridge on I-459 just south of Birmingham to catch this sunset shot on the way home from work Tuesday evening. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
Just after I left the office Friday afternoon, I s Just after I left the office Friday afternoon, I saw this beautiful sunset and had to stop to record it. I accidentally shot it with too high an ISO, so it’s far more grainy than it should have been. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I love the way the moon looks through the bare bra I love the way the moon looks through the bare branches of a tree in my front yard tonight. On a cold night such as this one, it can sometimes seem as though the winter will never end and spring will never arrive. #nature #naturephotography #sky #night #tree #moon #birmingham #alabama
Ever since a neighbor strung some decorative light Ever since a neighbor strung some decorative lights in his back yard a year or so ago, I’ve been trying to figure out how to photograph them. In person, the effect is stunning on the yard, but I’ve struggled to figure out any sort of perspective that would be interesting. I’m still not entirely happy with this, but it’s th best I’ve been able to come up with so far. #lights #backyard #birmingham #alabama
It’s 27 degrees in Birmingham after midnight, bu It’s 27 degrees in Birmingham after midnight, but the thick fog covering my neighborhood right now makes it feel magical enough to ignore the miserable cold for a few minutes. #nature #naturephotography #fog #trees #night #birmingham #alabama
As I was getting into the car after work just afte As I was getting into the car after work just after 5 p.m., I looked up and saw this beautiful full moon shining through the bare limbs of a nearby tree. #nature #naturephotography #tree #moon #birmingham #alabama
Here are the top nine photos I’ve posted on this Here are the top nine photos I’ve posted on this account in 2020, as determined by your “likes.” #topnine
Follow on Instagram

Critter Instagram

Lucy seems to be ready for the close-up portion of Lucy seems to be ready for the close-up portion of her studio screen test. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
Merlin has just learned the joys of little bits of Merlin has just learned the joys of little bits of cheese coming from the sky and landing next to him — and he’s licking his chops as he looks around to see whether there’s any more of this manna from heaven that might be coming his way. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
From his exalted position in the cave of his castl From his exalted position in the cave of his castle late Tuesday night, Merlin looks out at his subjects and contemplates how to expand his kingdom. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
You can’t sneak up on Thomas. He hears you every You can’t sneak up on Thomas. He hears you every time you try. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
I’m not sure what to make of this pose, but Moll I’m not sure what to make of this pose, but Molly seems pretty pleased with herself. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #greeneyes #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
The temperatures were in the upper 70s Sunday afte The temperatures were in the upper 70s Sunday afternoon and it’s still 71 degrees (22C) a few minutes after 9 p.m. — and Lucy has been enjoying running around in the perfect weather. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
Merlin is on neighborhood watch Sunday afternoon. Merlin is on neighborhood watch Sunday afternoon. Nothing gets past his scrutiny, especially birds and squirrels. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Merlin wants to know if someone has come to bring Merlin wants to know if someone has come to bring his dinner very early — and if not, why not? #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama #caturday
Molly keeps a silent vigil over the office in the Molly keeps a silent vigil over the office in the wee hours of Saturday morning while the other cats are already asleep. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #greeneyes #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama #caturday
Follow on Instagram

Contact David

David likes email, but can’t reply to every message. I get a surprisingly large number of requests for relationship advice — seriously — but time doesn’t permit a response to all of them. (Sorry.)

Subscribe

Enter your address to receive notifications by email every time new articles are posted. Then click “Subscribe.”

Donations

If you enjoy this site and want to help, click here. All donations are appreciated, no matter how large or small. (PayPal often doesn’t identify donors, so I might not be able to thank you directly.)




Search

Archives

Secondary Sidebar

Briefly

Have you ever wondered how the social media world works for so-called “influencers”? I find it comical, so I thought I’d share with you. I frequently get offers such as what I’m about to describe. And if I’m getting such offers — as a relative nobody in the online world — you can only imagine what people with huge audiences are offered. It starts with an email appealing to my ego: “We came across your online presence and we LOVE your style. We’d love to have you as one of our Brand Ambassadors. To celebrate our new [Brand Name] collection, we want to give you a FREE Watch so you can post a picture of you wearing it and drive more exposure to our brand.” Did you hear that? They love me. They want me to be seen wearing their cheap $59 watch so other people will think, “If this amazing influencer wears that, surely I should buy one.” They even offer me commissions on the watches sold from people clicking from my site. So the next time you see some alleged “influencer” touting something online or on social media, remember that this is what it’s probably all about. It’s laughable.

Modern culture is going insane. The latest evidence comes from the effort to redefine children’s author Dr. Seuss as a racist whose books should be banned. Why? Because a few images in those books don’t meet modern political standards. The drawing you see here is one of those “dangerously racist images,” and it comes from the Dr. Seuss classic, “And to Think That I Saw it on Mulberry Street.” The book catalogs all the wild diversity seen by a child on one street, including the offending drawing of a Chinese boy. What’s racist about it? Apparently, it was racist to show the boy eating rice, wearing a funny hat, using chopsticks and (worst of all) having eyes represented by a slit. (The bearded man near him has dots for eyes, but that’s apparently OK.) In other words, the stereotypes are considered racist today. (Oddly, the culture warriors who fret over such things are never concerned if a white southerner is depicted as ignorant trash living in a trailer. Some stereotypes are great, especially if the left hates those people anyway.) Theodore Geisel — the name of the real-life Dr. Seuss — was a product of his time and nobody at that time would have seen any of this as racist. Using stereotypes and exaggerations is how artists depict differences in simple ways. You can argue that it’s better to achieve the end result in a different way, but it’s insane to pretend that everybody from the past should have his work erased because it doesn’t match the preferences of modern leftists. Unfortunately, the company that publishes Dr. Seuss books has caved to the insane people — and six of his popular works will no longer be published. The world has simply gone insane.

Tyler Barnes will never be a basketball star. He probably peaked as a star high school player in Louisville, Ky. But for the last four years, he’s been a walk-on player for the University of Alabama. He’s a chemical engineering major with lots of academic honors who rides the bench because he loves being part of a team. He sometimes gets into games with a minute or two to go, but only if Alabama has a big lead. This Saturday, it was senior day for Alabama basketball, so it was his last chance to play in Coleman Coliseum. Alabama Coach Nate Oats says that one of the team starter’s came to him an hour before the game started — and fellow senior Alex Reese asked Oats if Barnes could start in his place for this one game. Even though the game was huge for Alabama, which is ranked No. 6 in the country and trying to wrap up an SEC title, Oats agreed. Barnes started and played the first three minutes, grabbing what was only the fourth rebound of his career and missing his only shot. Barnes has a great future as an engineer, but you’ll never again hear from him as a basketball player. For three shining minutes Saturday, though, he was a starter for a top-10 college basketball team — and his parents were in the stands from Kentucky to see it. There’s a lot of ugliness in college basketball right now, but this story makes me happy.

It was five years ago tonight when Lucy first rode in the car with me. She was on her way to her “forever home” with me that night, but she didn’t know it, so she was terrified. It was a much happier and braver girl who took a ride in the car tonight so we could go through a drive-through window and order a hamburger for her — to celebrate five years with me. She had a great time. If she could remember five years ago tonight, she would be proud of how far she’s come, too. If you’d like to know more about Lucy’s journey from scared dog to brave queen of the household, here’s something I wrote after her first year with me. I’m hoping this girl will have many more happy years with me.

I’ve never been attracted to skinny women. There’s nothing wrong with someone who’s naturally thin, but it’s never been my preference. What has shocked me, though, is the judgment I’ve heard from women all through my life — about themselves and others — about who’s “fat.” I concluded long ago that most women in our culture have been brainwashed to believe that skinny is attractive — and that anything other than skinny is ugly. I first assumed that I was the oddball — for preferring women with bigger and heavier bodies — but I’m coming to the conclusion that most men naturally feel this way to one extent or another. I just ran across new research by a couple of Northwestern University psychology professors that shows that women seriously overestimate how much a straight man will be attracted to a skinny woman. In a perfect world, we would all be at a healthy weight, but when it comes to attractiveness, too heavy is more attractive than skinny. At least to me — and to a lot of men, too.

Read More

Crass Capitalism

Before you buy anything from Amazon, please click on this ad. I’ll get a tiny commission, but it won’t cost you a nickel extra. The cats and I thank you. (If you’re using an ad-blocker and can’t see the ad, you can click here instead.)

© 2011–2021 · All Rights Reserved
Built by: 1955 DESIGN