• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to secondary sidebar
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

  • About
  • Podcasts

Slow arrival of better financial days makes me appreciate painful times

By David McElroy · May 28, 2018

I read this week that close to half of American households would be unprepared for an emergency that cost them $400. I had a mixed reaction to this news.

I felt thankful that I’m not among them, but I felt a shiver of empathy for them — because I was one of them not very long ago.

Back when I was working in politics full time, I made a nice living. After I became experienced and well-known in my political circles, I didn’t make less than six figures in a year, sometimes substantially more than that. I was comfortable and I bought what I wanted. I had plenty of money.

About 10 or 12 years ago, I started getting out of politics. I’ve talked about this before. I lost respect for what I was doing. I came to believe it was wrong, both pragmatically and philosophically. But it was hard to turn the money down. Slowly, though, I “sabotaged” my way out of politics.

That’s when things turned ugly.

I was going through a bad time personally. I had been engaged twice and backed out each time. Both relationships ended badly, but one left me very depressed. I lost interest in solving the problem of where I was going next in life.

Even though I had a nice pile of cash built up, I went through all of the money. After too many years of virtually no income — and no direction — I was broke. Even now, it’s humiliating to talk about. My ego didn’t deal well with it.

Three things saved me.

First, my cats and dogs needed me. People think I rescue animals — and that’s true as far as it goes — but they rescued me during those dark days by giving me a purpose. They needed me. I wasn’t going to let them down.

Second, someone forced me to take a job that I considered beneath me. I’m embarrassed to admit that I felt that way, but I did. My pride didn’t like the comedown from political consultant who dealt with the rich and powerful to being a part-time college employee helping students in computer labs. A friend who was chairman of the department at the time called and essentially shamed me into accepting the job. I hated it — and I hated dealing with my crushed ego — but it got me out of the house and I started making money again. Not much, but a bit.

Third, I fell in love. I started thinking that I might have a future again. I started wanting to become someone again — to be prepared to take care of a family and to make a woman proud of me. That’s the oldest motivation in the world for a man — and it worked for me. Even though the relationship didn’t work out, it left me feeling just a little bit of hope — that a woman was going to love me and that I would have the family I wanted so badly. I’ve held onto that hope — and drifted between hope and despair about it — but there have been days when that’s been enough.

During the worst of my days — maybe six or seven years ago — things got so bad at times that I didn’t know how I was going to eat. A local fast food joint had chicken breasts for $1.99, so I got through many days when I scrounged to find $2.17 (including the tax) to have a meal that day. (The cup of water was free.)

Those were dark times for me. I was humiliated but I didn’t want others to know how bad things had become. I was so embarrassed that I didn’t know how to ask for help in climbing out of the hole I’d dug for myself.

I got one reprieve during those days which demonstrates just how freely the money had flowed in my better days.

During some of the bleakest days, there was a Sunday afternoon when I was looking for something in a drawer which I hadn’t opened for quite awhile. I didn’t find what I was looking for, but I noticed a thick bank envelope among the piles of old political papers.

The envelope contained $5,000 in hundred-dollar bills.

It still had the cashier’s bands around the stack. I had cashed a check at some forgotten time and there had been so much money flowing through my hands at the time that I’d simply stuck $5,000 into a drawer — in the absentminded way that you might lose a 10-dollar bill instead.

There are other horrible things that happened during that period, but you get the idea. It was tough on me in every way. It deflated my ego and it left me emotionally defeated in a way I’d never experienced before.

A Facebook friend happened to ask a question over the weekend about how many people had enough cash to get them through six months if they had no income. I didn’t reply, but I found myself realizing that I could do that. I would live frugally — as I already do — but as long as I had no unexpected emergencies, I could make it six months.

And in that moment, I was grateful for the terrible times I had gone through, because I learned a lot about myself. Most of all, though, I went through enough that nobody can really scare me about hard times anymore.

Yes, there are a lot of things that would scare me. Some forms of medical emergencies would frighten me. News about terrible things in the lives of the few people I care deeply about would frighten me. The collapse of the economic and social order in this country — which I expect to happen — will frighten me if it happens before I’m ready.

But you’re not going to frighten me again by telling me I’m broke. I can deal with that and come out stronger.

I live really cheaply right now. I’m not in the lap of luxury. Three years ago, I bought a cheap foreclosure in a mixed neighborhood. It’s not where I’d move a family, but Lucy and the cats don’t care — and I don’t, either. There’s no ego involved — and I appreciate being able to hold onto my income while I pay a mortgage of $155 a month for a house that will be a nice rental property one day.

I listen to my friends talk about their huge cable bills — several hundred dollars a month, in many cases — and yet I curse my $65-a-month Internet bill. (No, I don’t have any television service or even own a television.)

I don’t want to live this way forever. I want a far nicer house. I’d like to upgrade to an Acura again one day. I’d like to be able to take nice vacations to the Caribbean and Alaska again. I’d like to visit Europe and Asia.

But I’m never going to be broke again.

The period of relative poverty and humiliation I went through was a blessing. I learned that a lot of things didn’t matter as much as I thought they did — and I learned that I could climb out of a deeper hole than I thought I could.

I’m not where I want to be yet. Honestly, I need help in achieving some of the things I want to do — and I have no idea where I’m going to get that help. But I have faith it’s coming.

This past week, my roof started leaking in the room I use as an office at home. I had a handyman come over and make the repairs on the roof. We found a few other things he’s going to repair this coming week.

It’s not that expensive. It’ll end up being about $500. I hate to spend the money — because I’m cheap and don’t want to spend what I don’t have to spend — but it was no big deal to pay for it. I didn’t have to give it a second thought or figure out where to borrow it. So when I read that about half of American families can’t afford a $400 emergency, I was completely certain that I’m no longer one of them.

I hated what I went through, but I’m grateful for what I learned through that pain. I’m counting on those lessons to help me get back to the income and lifestyle I once enjoyed. There’s still a lot I want to achieve.

Share on Social Networks

Related Posts

  • A year later, late-night phone call and suicide threat still echo in me
  • Gloria Allred wants free speech for her, but not for Rush Limbaugh
  • From hole I’ve fallen into today, world is a very alienating place

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Primary Sidebar

My Instagram

It was too cloudy last night for me to take a phot It was too cloudy last night for me to take a photo of the lunar eclipse, so I missed the beautiful red image that I saw from others. But the sky overhead tonight is crystal clear — and the moon seemed especially bright — so I snapped a shot anyway. I don’t really have the right lens for this since I have to blow it up massively when I shoot at 240mm. Surprisingly, this image was made at 1/250th of a second at f/6.3 and ISO 250. I’d like to have a longer lens for such a shot, but it’s not worth the money since I’d rarely use it. #nature #naturephotography #sky #moon
The aftermath of sunset looked soft and pastel Tue The aftermath of sunset looked soft and pastel Tuesday evening. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I didn’t have my “real camera” with me, but I didn’t have my “real camera” with me, but the iPhone gives you a sense of how colorful the sky was just a moment ago right before the sun slipped beneath the horizon. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
The Saturday evening sunset punches through the he The Saturday evening sunset punches through the heavy clouds sitting just over the horizon, just enough to create a spectacular orange show as the world spins toward another night of darkness. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
This was sunset just east of Birmingham Wednesday This was sunset just east of Birmingham Wednesday evening behind the restaurant where I had dinner. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
One of the best things about this time of year is One of the best things about this time of year is that I see far more sunsets since they occur later in the evening. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I caught just the very end of sunset through the t I caught just the very end of sunset through the trees behind the restaurant where I’m eating Tuesday evening. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
One of the things I really enjoy about spring is h One of the things I really enjoy about spring is having sunsets later in the evening. Here’s the one I just watched while I was at dinner. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I just caught the very end of sunset, but I loved I just caught the very end of sunset, but I loved how the fading colors looked behind the evening clouds. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
Follow on Instagram

Critter Instagram

For “throwback Thursday, let me introduce you to For “throwback Thursday, let me introduce you to Sam. In 2009, I took in a young feral cat who I named for the early American revolutionary Samuel Adams. He was one of the most confident — downright arrogant, in fact — cats I’ve ever been around. He had an amazing personality and I immediately loved him. He was no more than 8 or 9 months old when he suddenly died for reasons that my vet couldn’t explain. Even though I had him only a short time, he was one of my all-time favorites. #tbt #cats #tabby #feral #birmingham #alabama
I’ve never been as curious about what a cat migh I’ve never been as curious about what a cat might be thinking as I constantly am about Merlin. As I watch him sitting here on the edge of my desk late Wednesday night, I can’t help but conclude he’s a very deep thinker. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Lucy has been happily rolling around in the freshl Lucy has been happily rolling around in the freshly cut grass of the back yard Wednesday evening. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
Thomas believes that he is the Most Interesting Ca Thomas believes that he is the Most Interesting Cat in the World — and I can’t say he’s wrong tonight. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Merlin is ready for me to turn the last of the off Merlin is ready for me to turn the last of the office lights off so he and Thomas can sleep peacefully without me muttering to myself as I write. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Lucy just finished a Neighborhood Watch patrol and Lucy just finished a Neighborhood Watch patrol and now she’s cooling off in the back yard before heading inside for dinner. Her work is never done. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
Except when he’s asleep, Thomas always looks as Except when he’s asleep, Thomas always looks as though he’s on high alert and ready to run away from danger. His feral early years still dominate his internal programming. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Lucy just finished her last walk of the day, but s Lucy just finished her last walk of the day, but she still wants more attention. She’s sitting in front of me looking expectantly. She seems certain that we will go outside for one more adventure if she’s persistent enough. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
My favorite photos of Merlin tend to be those — My favorite photos of Merlin tend to be those — such as this one — in which he seems to be contemplating difficult issues. Feline philosophy or quantum physics or something else that he figures I wouldn’t understand. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama #caturday
Follow on Instagram

Contact David

David likes email, but can’t reply to every message. I get a surprisingly large number of requests for relationship advice — seriously — but time doesn’t permit a response to all of them. (Sorry.)

Subscribe

Enter your address to receive notifications by email every time new articles are posted. Then click “Subscribe.”

Donations

If you enjoy this site and want to help, click here. All donations are appreciated, no matter how large or small. (PayPal often doesn’t identify donors, so I might not be able to thank you directly.)




Search

Archives

Secondary Sidebar

Briefly

On a live awards show Sunday night, one man made a joke about a female celebrity. The husband of the celebrity was offended and hit the man who made the joke. Or maybe it was staged for entertainment. Who knows? Who cares? Social media is full of discussion — and even arguments — about this idiocy today. This baffles me. Let’s assume for a moment that the event happened as reported. People have been having such idiotic fights ever since there have been humans. Half the bars in the world see such brief dustups regularly. It simply doesn’t matter. The fact that so many people believe they need to talk about this — or even need to have opinions about it — is more evidence of the bizarre media brainwashing that convinces many to care passionately about brain-dead trivia. Your life will be happier and saner if you focus on yourself, your family and your friends, not on whatever scripted (or spontaneous) bilge that the media wants to pipe into your home.

I’m in the middle of migrating this website to new servers this week. This means you might encounter some unexpected behavior until I get all the bugs worked out. Clicking on my links (including this one) might cause your browser to give you the message that it’s a site without a current security certificate. It’s not actually unsafe, but there’s something which isn’t yet set up for the security certificate. I apologize for any such errors you might encounter while the process is going on. If you notice any problems with content which didn’t migrate properly, I would appreciate you letting me know the details at davidmcelroy@mac.com. Thanks for your patience.

I often wonder what animals think when they look at us and consider the society we’ve created. Yes, I know this is fanciful and unrealistic, but what if they could? Would they be astounded at how we treat each other? Would they be disgusted by the ugliness and pettiness which fill so many of our daily interactions? The truth is that I’m feeling pretty disgusted with humanity tonight. I made the mistake of reading some online interactions that I should have avoided — and it sickened me. The people involved appeared to be vile and stupid and arrogant. I wish I could pretend they’re a tiny minority, but I know better. It’s times such as this when I most need to escape much of “civilization” and disconnect from their world. If humans are going to be worthy of “ruling this planet,” we have a lot of growth to do. And I fear that growth is nowhere in sight. So my buddy Thomas, above, and all of his friends would be right to judge us harshly — and to think, “Why do you folks get to be in charge?”

I should have expected this, but I honestly didn’t. The article I wrote last week about disagreements over treatment for autistic children brought me angry emails. You could almost call it “hate mail.” Of the five emails about it so far, two have been to tell me that I’m wrong to even listen to critics of the most popular therapy for autistic children — and the other three tell me I’m wrong for not condemning the treatment as the “obvious” abuse it is. If you read the article, you know I didn’t take a position on the issue, because I simply don’t know enough to have an opinion. But by talking about the issue, I stepped into a heated controversy. The emails from the two sides convinced me of nothing. But they did give me even more empathy for the unfortunate parents who have to figure out for themselves where the truth lies for their children.

Have you ever had what you thought was a new idea — and then discovered that “old you” had the same idea years ago? I had that experience tonight. And it’s been wonderful. I came up with an idea tonight for a very short satirical film that would be a promotion for a fictitious college. The point is to make the college promote — as good things — everything which is actually terrible about most modern colleges. Then I remembered a fake college that I invented back when I was in college. I had created student recruitment brochures and various newsletters back then, so I decided to call my “new” college by the same name I’d invented years ago: Ochita College. As I searched my computer for any old material I might still have about Ochita from the past, I discovered an email I sent to someone in 2009 — outlining essentially the same idea which I came up with tonight. Since I didn’t remember writing that, it felt like magic. So my next film project just might be this one instead. If all goes well, you might soon see “Ochita College: Your Future Starts Here.” This should be fun.

Read More

Crass Capitalism

Before you buy anything from Amazon, please click on this ad. I’ll get a tiny commission, but it won’t cost you a nickel extra. The cats and I thank you. (If you’re using an ad-blocker and can’t see the ad, you can click here instead.)

© 2011–2022 · All Rights Reserved
Built by: 1955 DESIGN