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David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

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What was I when I was a child? I’m still that same person today

By David McElroy · August 9, 2018

When did you become you?

I’ve been thinking about this question for days because of an exchange I heard on an old episode of public radio’s This American Life. Host Ira Glass was reminiscing about his experience as a child magician.

Glass interviewed a woman who had hired him for a couple of parties back when he was 12. He was talking with her about how it seemed so strange to think of what he had been doing at that age when the woman interrupted him with a question.

“Do you think you’re doing anything different today?” she asked.

Glass protested that what he does now — as a radio host — was clearly different, but the woman would have none of that. To her, the Ira Glass of today is still the storytelling entertainer who she knew as a 12-year-old magician.

I turned the show off at that point, because it suddenly hit me very emotionally that she was right, not just about Glass — but about me. I’m the same person I was at 5 or 10 or 12 or 16. I’m still the same person I was when I gave the camera this very serious gaze as a 5-year-old at my kindergarten graduation.

The photo is old and the quality isn’t the best, but when I look into the eyes of this child, I see the same person who looks at me in the mirror each day.

Everything about who I am today — the good and the bad and everything in between — was already in this tiny soul.

I think we forget this. Or maybe I’m the only one.

I realize how much I’ve grown and changed and somehow think I was too young and immature to have been me. But in the past few days, I’ve tried to describe the things I did and the attitudes I had at the time. How much different am I today than I was then?

I was a very serious child and I expected to be taken seriously. I was polite and subservient — as I was taught to be — but I carried myself like an adult in a child suit. I had adult conversations with adults and I had trouble tolerating my peers who didn’t seem to have the desire to become something in this world.

Yes, I laughed and played and had a good time, but I always returned to things which seemed serious to me. As I’ve thought about this over the last few days, here are a few snippets of memory which crossed my mind:

— I always wanted to make money. When I was 5, there was a caterpillar craze among the kids in my Atlanta neighborhood. I set up a little stand in my front yard selling caterpillars to kids who were too lazy or impatient to catch their own. The bigger the caterpillar, the more I charged. The biggest one I had went for 5 cents. I briefly made a killing in this market.

— I went to sleep every night making up stories. As far back as I remember, my stories took me to sleep. I was the hero of the stories. I saved people. They admired me. I was much like Star Trek’s Captain Kirk — brave, charismatic, bold, risk-taking and chivalrous. In my stories, the girls fell for me and the boys wanted to be like me.

— I wanted to lead groups of people who I respected. I established a little club of smart kids in my neighborhood in Meridian, Miss., when I was about 10. Maybe 11. I thought we would have a small company doing investigations for others. I called it United States Spy and Investigation Enterprises. There was a rival club of slightly older boys who lived down the street — they called themselves Flash — and they had been nasty to us. Their dads built them a clubhouse in a small rock canyon near our houses. I took my group out there one day and we burned their clubhouse down. Maybe it’s a coincidence, but the older boys never bothered us again.

— When I was about 12, I started a bank. I was unclear about how banks turned a profit, but I bamboozled my sisters — briefly — into putting their money into my bank. It was a locked box in my room and I issued small typed slips of yellow paper to my “depositors” that were good for differing amounts of money. I never figured out how to turn a profit and then the bank was finished when they withdrew their money.

— I wanted to build things. I wanted to make things. I wanted to build organizations and companies that made profit. I wanted to produce great things that would benefit people. I wanted to go into space and build colonies. I was sure this would be possible by the time I was an adult — and I was sure that my company would lead some of those colonies.

I wanted to create. I wanted to be taken seriously. I wanted to be admired. I wanted to be worth admiring — by virtue of doing things that would be life-changing for others. I had no patience for those who didn’t share my dreams. I had no patience for those who told me that my dreams were impractical or impossible. When I was a teenager, I had a mantra that I used to say over and over:

“We do the difficult immediately; the impossible takes a little longer.”

Life turned out to have more bumps and bruises along the way than I thought it would. At different times before I became an adult, I was going to be an engineer, a lawyer, a preacher and president of the United States. After I was an adult, I continued to have adult-sized versions of my child-like dreams. Even now, I have big dreams, some of which I don’t even talk about — because I don’t want to hear unbelievers tell me those things can’t happen.

The more I think about it, the more I’m certain I’m the same person I was as a child. I have the same mind, the same heart and the same hard-nosed determination to eventually get the things I want.

For good or bad, that little boy at my kindergarten graduation — the one who wanted serious respect and admiration and accomplishments — is the same man who sits here tonight. And that makes me happy, because I like that little boy.

I finally realize that I’d be happy to have children who grew up to be a lot like me.

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On a live awards show Sunday night, one man made a joke about a female celebrity. The husband of the celebrity was offended and hit the man who made the joke. Or maybe it was staged for entertainment. Who knows? Who cares? Social media is full of discussion — and even arguments — about this idiocy today. This baffles me. Let’s assume for a moment that the event happened as reported. People have been having such idiotic fights ever since there have been humans. Half the bars in the world see such brief dustups regularly. It simply doesn’t matter. The fact that so many people believe they need to talk about this — or even need to have opinions about it — is more evidence of the bizarre media brainwashing that convinces many to care passionately about brain-dead trivia. Your life will be happier and saner if you focus on yourself, your family and your friends, not on whatever scripted (or spontaneous) bilge that the media wants to pipe into your home.

I’m in the middle of migrating this website to new servers this week. This means you might encounter some unexpected behavior until I get all the bugs worked out. Clicking on my links (including this one) might cause your browser to give you the message that it’s a site without a current security certificate. It’s not actually unsafe, but there’s something which isn’t yet set up for the security certificate. I apologize for any such errors you might encounter while the process is going on. If you notice any problems with content which didn’t migrate properly, I would appreciate you letting me know the details at davidmcelroy@mac.com. Thanks for your patience.

I often wonder what animals think when they look at us and consider the society we’ve created. Yes, I know this is fanciful and unrealistic, but what if they could? Would they be astounded at how we treat each other? Would they be disgusted by the ugliness and pettiness which fill so many of our daily interactions? The truth is that I’m feeling pretty disgusted with humanity tonight. I made the mistake of reading some online interactions that I should have avoided — and it sickened me. The people involved appeared to be vile and stupid and arrogant. I wish I could pretend they’re a tiny minority, but I know better. It’s times such as this when I most need to escape much of “civilization” and disconnect from their world. If humans are going to be worthy of “ruling this planet,” we have a lot of growth to do. And I fear that growth is nowhere in sight. So my buddy Thomas, above, and all of his friends would be right to judge us harshly — and to think, “Why do you folks get to be in charge?”

I should have expected this, but I honestly didn’t. The article I wrote last week about disagreements over treatment for autistic children brought me angry emails. You could almost call it “hate mail.” Of the five emails about it so far, two have been to tell me that I’m wrong to even listen to critics of the most popular therapy for autistic children — and the other three tell me I’m wrong for not condemning the treatment as the “obvious” abuse it is. If you read the article, you know I didn’t take a position on the issue, because I simply don’t know enough to have an opinion. But by talking about the issue, I stepped into a heated controversy. The emails from the two sides convinced me of nothing. But they did give me even more empathy for the unfortunate parents who have to figure out for themselves where the truth lies for their children.

Have you ever had what you thought was a new idea — and then discovered that “old you” had the same idea years ago? I had that experience tonight. And it’s been wonderful. I came up with an idea tonight for a very short satirical film that would be a promotion for a fictitious college. The point is to make the college promote — as good things — everything which is actually terrible about most modern colleges. Then I remembered a fake college that I invented back when I was in college. I had created student recruitment brochures and various newsletters back then, so I decided to call my “new” college by the same name I’d invented years ago: Ochita College. As I searched my computer for any old material I might still have about Ochita from the past, I discovered an email I sent to someone in 2009 — outlining essentially the same idea which I came up with tonight. Since I didn’t remember writing that, it felt like magic. So my next film project just might be this one instead. If all goes well, you might soon see “Ochita College: Your Future Starts Here.” This should be fun.

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