• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to secondary sidebar
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

  • About
  • Podcasts

The voice of this harsh inner critic still sucks joy from my creative life

By David McElroy · August 26, 2018

My inner critic is constantly busy. Every time I think I’m making progress on quieting his harsh criticism, he pops up again — ready to tell me that my work is no good and that I’m not good enough.

This isn’t anything new. I’ve talked about it before. But since my father died four months ago, I’ve had moments when I thought maybe that voice had died with him. For now, though, the voice is still there, at least part of the time.

This afternoon, I received a really nice note on Instagram from someone who I don’t know. This person posts really high-quality shots of nature and recently started following one of my accounts.

“Hello!” this fellow photographer wrote. “I just wanted to say your photos are so amazing, especially the recent ones! You’ve become my favorite account to follow. Keep up the fantastic work. All the best.”

A sane and reasonable person would feel happy with such praise, but my harsh inner critic seemed to hear only four words: “…especially the recent ones.” So that must mean the things that aren’t recent must be terrible. Why else would he have felt the need to qualify his praise? Right? Something in me felt crushed.

My rational brain knows better. Some part of me knows there was no such criticism intended. But the inner critic doesn’t care what makes sense. The inner critic doesn’t care about anything other than robbing me of the joy which I could otherwise take from my work.

I shot the photo above late this afternoon. I was sitting at a traffic light and suddenly noticed the sun behind this foliage created beautiful colors and highlights. I grabbed my camera from the seat beside me and fired off five quick shots before the light could turn green.

I was happy with the picture. It’s at times like this — when I’ve done some minor thing which few people are going to notice, but which I believe is good — when I feel best about my work. They’re moments in which I realize I do have talent and that I’m getting better and better as I work on the various parts of my craft.

It seems as though those are the moments when the inner critic is most likely to strike. I had posted this picture to Facebook and Instagram. It was a few minutes after that when I got the gracious note from the other photographer.

And that’s when the inner critic struck.

I’ve told you before where this inner critic comes from. My father used to harshly criticize me, especially when I did things for which I received praise. I constantly wanted to impress people — because something in me has always been starved for praise and attention — but when I received that praise, I wanted my father to be proud of me. And that’s always when he found reasons to criticize me and tell me why what I had done wasn’t good enough.

“If you had done this the way I told you, it would have been even better,” was a constant theme of his criticism, even when what I had done had surpassed the work of everyone else around me. He couldn’t just let me bask in the joy of praise.

And the inner critic still tries to play his role, even after he’s dead.

It’s humiliating to admit to you how much I still need your praise. I’m scared my work isn’t good enough. I’m scared other people aren’t going to like it. I’m scared I’ll never be good enough to be the big commercial success I want to be.

I wish I didn’t need that affirmation. I wish my own rational approval was good enough for me. But as long as the inner critic is still there, I’m afraid I’ll still need you to help me overcome that — to let me know I’m doing good work.

Yes, I’m too sensitive about my work. I know that. Even praise can be turned around and made to seem bad. I have to ask for your patience. It’s one of my faults. I’m aware of it, but I haven’t been able to get past this one — so please be patient with my fears.

Note: If you’d like to follow my Instagram accounts, you can find one which focuses mostly on sunsets and random nature shots here and another which focuses on the cats and dog in my life here. I can only imagine how many photos I’ll take one day when I have children whose lives I can document. The small inset photo above on the right is Thomas watching birds outside the house Sunday afternoon. The picture below is Lucy’s Saturday afternoon portrait in the back yard.

Share on Social Networks

Related Posts

  • We’re neither friends nor enemies, just strangers who share the past
  • Society needs storytellers to help make sense of a changing world
  • My bad teen poetry suggests I’ve always hungered for missing love

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: art, artist, creation, inner critic, photography, psychology

Primary Sidebar

My Instagram

The look of the moon and clouds through the bare b The look of the moon and clouds through the bare branches really gives a stark wintery feel to this cold Sunday night.
Alex says he’s the real photographer around here Alex says he’s the real photographer around here, so he’s taking over the camera. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
I caught the tail end of the Thursday evening suns I caught the tail end of the Thursday evening sunset, but just enough to see some lovely pastel colors fill the sky. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
This was the view just after sunset Tuesday evenin This was the view just after sunset Tuesday evening near my house. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
At sunset Tuesday evening, the cloud cover over me At sunset Tuesday evening, the cloud cover over me was solidly gray and black, but one tiny break in the clouds appeared just for a few minutes to show a little bit of sunset’s colorful light. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I just remembered that I caught the sun just befor I just remembered that I caught the sun just before it slipped beneath the horizon Tuesday evening. This is near my house just east of Birmingham. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
This was another experiment with a moon photo — This was another experiment with a moon photo — with my iPhone — but I allowed the moon to be overexposed in order to get the clouds in the foreground to show up. I’d really like to figure out how pros do shots of this sort. I don’t have it even close to right. #nature #naturephotography #sky #clouds #moon #iphone14
This is the sunset I just watched right after dinn This is the sunset I just watched right after dinner. It was one of the most vibrantly colorful displays I’ve seen in weeks. It was really beautiful. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I don’t have the right lens to photograph the mo I don’t have the right lens to photograph the moon properly, but there are some nights when I try anyway. The longest lens I have goes to 240mm, which means I have to enlarge a tiny part of the frame way too much. But even if I had the right lens, I’m not sure I’ve figured out how to expose the moon decently while still showing some stars around it. Tonight’s attempt has given me a grainy moon and pinpricks of stars that become invisible when viewed at normal size. (Blow this up with your fingers in the app and you can see the tiny stars.) I really want to learn how to do this better, so if anyone has tips for me, I’d be happy to hear them. #nature #naturephotography #sky #moon
Follow on Instagram

Critter Instagram

Since it’s past noon, Alex wants to know if that Since it’s past noon, Alex wants to know if that’s close enough to dinner time for me to break out the food now. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
From the CritterCam: I caught a little bit of mutu From the CritterCam: I caught a little bit of mutual grooming by the cats when I checked on them early Friday morning. They were quickly back to sleep on a chilly and rainy morning. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Alex and Oliver suddenly decided to pose together, Alex and Oliver suddenly decided to pose together, so I snapped a couple of shots before they could change their minds. It’s unusual when they both cooperate at once. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
My little buddy Oliver has been asleep late Thursd My little buddy Oliver has been asleep late Thursday night. He and Lucy have been sleeping on the bed just a couple of feet apart. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
I am terribly biased, but I think Oliver gets more I am terribly biased, but I think Oliver gets more beautiful every day. Not only is he a very sweet and loving kitten, but I think he’s going to become an absolutely beautiful adult cat. It was just three weeks ago tonight when he was spending his first evening with us and didn’t know what to think. Now, he’s pretty sure he owns the place — and Alex is having to fight him for the right to be “top cat.” #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
For "throwback Thursday,” I’m going to go all For "throwback Thursday,” I’m going to go all the way back to 2009, which was the last time when I had kittens as young as Oliver is right now. Emily and Charlotte were two of Molly’s three daughters — and this is a composite of two photos of what I woke up to find one morning when they were only a couple of months old. Emily continued to sleep on top of me every single night for the rest of her short life. #tbt #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
From the CritterCam: It seems as though I see hint From the CritterCam: It seems as though I see hints every now and then about what Oliver is going to look like as an adult cat. Today marks his third full week with us, but he already seems so much bigger and more mature looking. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Alex hasn’t stolen my Apple Watch lately, but on Alex hasn’t stolen my Apple Watch lately, but one of the cats stole my car keys just now. They were on this chest in the bedroom a few minutes ago, but I finally found them hidden behind the litter box in the office when it was time to leave the house. Since I found Alex at the scene of the crime, he’s my chief suspect. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
It’s just about five seconds of Oliver playing w It’s just about five seconds of Oliver playing with his paws and tail late Wednesday night. Just loop it and it’ll be longer. 😺 #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Follow on Instagram

Contact David

David likes email, but can’t reply to every message. I get a surprisingly large number of requests for relationship advice — seriously — but time doesn’t permit a response to all of them. (Sorry.)

Subscribe

Enter your address to receive notifications by email every time new articles are posted. Then click “Subscribe.”

Donations

If you enjoy this site and want to help, click here. All donations are appreciated, no matter how large or small. (PayPal often doesn’t identify donors, so I might not be able to thank you directly.)




Search

Archives

Secondary Sidebar

Briefly

I haven’t posted anything new in my YouTube series about narcissism in the last couple of weeks, so some people have been asking about it. There’s nothing wrong and I’ll be back soon. The issue is simply a technical problem because of a piece of equipment that died. Here’s a brief video I posted on YouTube to explain.

On a live awards show Sunday night, one man made a joke about a female celebrity. The husband of the celebrity was offended and hit the man who made the joke. Or maybe it was staged for entertainment. Who knows? Who cares? Social media is full of discussion — and even arguments — about this idiocy today. This baffles me. Let’s assume for a moment that the event happened as reported. People have been having such idiotic fights ever since there have been humans. Half the bars in the world see such brief dustups regularly. It simply doesn’t matter. The fact that so many people believe they need to talk about this — or even need to have opinions about it — is more evidence of the bizarre media brainwashing that convinces many to care passionately about brain-dead trivia. Your life will be happier and saner if you focus on yourself, your family and your friends, not on whatever scripted (or spontaneous) bilge that the media wants to pipe into your home.

I’m in the middle of migrating this website to new servers this week. This means you might encounter some unexpected behavior until I get all the bugs worked out. Clicking on my links (including this one) might cause your browser to give you the message that it’s a site without a current security certificate. It’s not actually unsafe, but there’s something which isn’t yet set up for the security certificate. I apologize for any such errors you might encounter while the process is going on. If you notice any problems with content which didn’t migrate properly, I would appreciate you letting me know the details at davidmcelroy@mac.com. Thanks for your patience.

I often wonder what animals think when they look at us and consider the society we’ve created. Yes, I know this is fanciful and unrealistic, but what if they could? Would they be astounded at how we treat each other? Would they be disgusted by the ugliness and pettiness which fill so many of our daily interactions? The truth is that I’m feeling pretty disgusted with humanity tonight. I made the mistake of reading some online interactions that I should have avoided — and it sickened me. The people involved appeared to be vile and stupid and arrogant. I wish I could pretend they’re a tiny minority, but I know better. It’s times such as this when I most need to escape much of “civilization” and disconnect from their world. If humans are going to be worthy of “ruling this planet,” we have a lot of growth to do. And I fear that growth is nowhere in sight. So my buddy Thomas, above, and all of his friends would be right to judge us harshly — and to think, “Why do you folks get to be in charge?”

I should have expected this, but I honestly didn’t. The article I wrote last week about disagreements over treatment for autistic children brought me angry emails. You could almost call it “hate mail.” Of the five emails about it so far, two have been to tell me that I’m wrong to even listen to critics of the most popular therapy for autistic children — and the other three tell me I’m wrong for not condemning the treatment as the “obvious” abuse it is. If you read the article, you know I didn’t take a position on the issue, because I simply don’t know enough to have an opinion. But by talking about the issue, I stepped into a heated controversy. The emails from the two sides convinced me of nothing. But they did give me even more empathy for the unfortunate parents who have to figure out for themselves where the truth lies for their children.

Read More

Crass Capitalism

Before you buy anything from Amazon, please click on this link. I’ll get a tiny commission, but it won’t cost you a nickel extra. The cats and Lucy will thank you. And so will I.

© 2011–2023 · All Rights Reserved
Built by: 1955 DESIGN