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David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

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Folks all around are waiting for someone to say, ‘Hello in there’

By David McElroy · October 27, 2018

She was slowly wandering through the pharmacy section at Walmart. Her expression was blank. Not sad, not angry, not anything. Just tired.

It’s hard to say how old she was. Maybe 65, maybe 70? Who knows? It was about 50 degrees outside, but she was bundled as though it was below freezing. She seemed lost in her own little world.

Was she sick? Was she lonely? I couldn’t tell as we scanned the same shelves.

“They sure make it confusing to find what you’re looking for in here, don’t they?” I said, not sure whether she wanted to be friendly. She didn’t respond for a long moment.

“Yes, they do,” she said. She paused. “I don’t even remember what I’m here for now. I just don’t want to go home yet.”

She told me she lives alone. She has one daughter, but the daughter lives in California. She divorced years ago and has lived alone ever since. Her friends are dying and the ones left are in poor health.

She didn’t tell me any of this with a tone of self-pity. It was more like she was reciting her history. She was resigned to being alone. She had no laughter or life left in her.

Her heart seemed lonely.

I soon had nothing to say. I felt silly trying to continue to make small talk with her. She didn’t expect company or friendship or anything else. She just wanted to wander around in a store to avoid going home to an empty home.

I found what I was looking for and turned to leave. I told her to have a good night and I started walking away. I was halfway down the aisle when I heard her voice.

“Young man!” she called out.

I looked around and saw she was talking to me.

“Yes, ma’am?”

“Thank you for talking to me,” she said. She walked closer so she wouldn’t have to speak so loudly. “You might think I’m a silly old lady for saying that, but people don’t talk to me anymore. When I was young and pretty, men always talked to me. Now everyone just ignores me. You were sweet to me and I thank you.”

As I walked away, my mind played the chorus of a very old John Prine song called “Hello In There“:

Ya’ know that old trees just grow stronger
And old rivers grow wilder every day
Old people just grow lonesome
Waiting for someone to say, “Hello in there, hello”

I also found myself thinking of a letter that was among my father’s papers when he died six months ago. It was a letter from my mother — maybe 15 years ago — after she had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.

“I have finally become resolved to this,” she wrote, “but my friends here refuse to believe I have Alzheimer’s. It feels as if small men are walking in my brain, but with God’s help, I’ll be all right.”

She knew that she was going to get worse and she knew it would take away her ability to know herself and the people around her.

“I have wished to see you and David before my brain gets to the vacant, staring look that comes toward the end,” she wrote.

My mother knew she was quickly losing who she was. She knew what was coming. I never did see her — or know what was going on. I didn’t even know she had died two years ago until six or eight months ago.

I’m not sure why seeing this woman — why didn’t I get her name? — made me think about my mother. Maybe this woman was a stand-in of sorts for my own mother. At least my mother had my two sisters in her life as her life reached the end, as far as I know, while this woman has no one. Something about my encounter with this woman makes me wish I could have seen my mother and talked to her before she reached the point she didn’t know anybody.

How is it that we can have people all around us, but we’re still lonely? Why are we more cut off from one another than ever?

I wish we were more willing to see a lonely stranger and say, “Hello in there. I’d like to talk with you.”

Note: My encounter with the woman tonight also reminded me of this song called “We All Get Lonely” from the Minnesota-based alternative/folk group Trampled By Turtles. I’ll include it below.

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It was too cloudy last night for me to take a phot It was too cloudy last night for me to take a photo of the lunar eclipse, so I missed the beautiful red image that I saw from others. But the sky overhead tonight is crystal clear — and the moon seemed especially bright — so I snapped a shot anyway. I don’t really have the right lens for this since I have to blow it up massively when I shoot at 240mm. Surprisingly, this image was made at 1/250th of a second at f/6.3 and ISO 250. I’d like to have a longer lens for such a shot, but it’s not worth the money since I’d rather use it. #nature #naturephotography #sky #moon
The aftermath of sunset looked soft and pastel Tue The aftermath of sunset looked soft and pastel Tuesday evening. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I didn’t have my “real camera” with me, but I didn’t have my “real camera” with me, but the iPhone gives you a sense of how colorful the sky was just a moment ago right before the sun slipped beneath the horizon. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
The Saturday evening sunset punches through the he The Saturday evening sunset punches through the heavy clouds sitting just over the horizon, just enough to create a spectacular orange show as the world spins toward another night of darkness. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
This was sunset just east of Birmingham Wednesday This was sunset just east of Birmingham Wednesday evening behind the restaurant where I had dinner. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
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I just caught the very end of sunset, but I loved I just caught the very end of sunset, but I loved how the fading colors looked behind the evening clouds. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
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For “throwback Thursday, let me introduce you to For “throwback Thursday, let me introduce you to Sam. In 2009, I took in a young feral cat who I named for the early American revolutionary Samuel Adams. He was one of the most confident — downright arrogant, in fact — cats I’ve ever been around. He had an amazing personality and I immediately loved him. He was no more than 8 or 9 months old when he suddenly died for reasons that my vet couldn’t explain. Even though I had him only a short time, he was one of my all-time favorites. #tbt #cats #tabby #feral #birmingham #alabama
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On a live awards show Sunday night, one man made a joke about a female celebrity. The husband of the celebrity was offended and hit the man who made the joke. Or maybe it was staged for entertainment. Who knows? Who cares? Social media is full of discussion — and even arguments — about this idiocy today. This baffles me. Let’s assume for a moment that the event happened as reported. People have been having such idiotic fights ever since there have been humans. Half the bars in the world see such brief dustups regularly. It simply doesn’t matter. The fact that so many people believe they need to talk about this — or even need to have opinions about it — is more evidence of the bizarre media brainwashing that convinces many to care passionately about brain-dead trivia. Your life will be happier and saner if you focus on yourself, your family and your friends, not on whatever scripted (or spontaneous) bilge that the media wants to pipe into your home.

I’m in the middle of migrating this website to new servers this week. This means you might encounter some unexpected behavior until I get all the bugs worked out. Clicking on my links (including this one) might cause your browser to give you the message that it’s a site without a current security certificate. It’s not actually unsafe, but there’s something which isn’t yet set up for the security certificate. I apologize for any such errors you might encounter while the process is going on. If you notice any problems with content which didn’t migrate properly, I would appreciate you letting me know the details at davidmcelroy@mac.com. Thanks for your patience.

I often wonder what animals think when they look at us and consider the society we’ve created. Yes, I know this is fanciful and unrealistic, but what if they could? Would they be astounded at how we treat each other? Would they be disgusted by the ugliness and pettiness which fill so many of our daily interactions? The truth is that I’m feeling pretty disgusted with humanity tonight. I made the mistake of reading some online interactions that I should have avoided — and it sickened me. The people involved appeared to be vile and stupid and arrogant. I wish I could pretend they’re a tiny minority, but I know better. It’s times such as this when I most need to escape much of “civilization” and disconnect from their world. If humans are going to be worthy of “ruling this planet,” we have a lot of growth to do. And I fear that growth is nowhere in sight. So my buddy Thomas, above, and all of his friends would be right to judge us harshly — and to think, “Why do you folks get to be in charge?”

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