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David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

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Folks all around are waiting for someone to say, ‘Hello in there’

By David McElroy · October 27, 2018

She was slowly wandering through the pharmacy section at Walmart. Her expression was blank. Not sad, not angry, not anything. Just tired.

It’s hard to say how old she was. Maybe 65, maybe 70? Who knows? It was about 50 degrees outside, but she was bundled as though it was below freezing. She seemed lost in her own little world.

Was she sick? Was she lonely? I couldn’t tell as we scanned the same shelves.

“They sure make it confusing to find what you’re looking for in here, don’t they?” I said, not sure whether she wanted to be friendly. She didn’t respond for a long moment.

“Yes, they do,” she said. She paused. “I don’t even remember what I’m here for now. I just don’t want to go home yet.”

She told me she lives alone. She has one daughter, but the daughter lives in California. She divorced years ago and has lived alone ever since. Her friends are dying and the ones left are in poor health.

She didn’t tell me any of this with a tone of self-pity. It was more like she was reciting her history. She was resigned to being alone. She had no laughter or life left in her.

Her heart seemed lonely.

I soon had nothing to say. I felt silly trying to continue to make small talk with her. She didn’t expect company or friendship or anything else. She just wanted to wander around in a store to avoid going home to an empty home.

I found what I was looking for and turned to leave. I told her to have a good night and I started walking away. I was halfway down the aisle when I heard her voice.

“Young man!” she called out.

I looked around and saw she was talking to me.

“Yes, ma’am?”

“Thank you for talking to me,” she said. She walked closer so she wouldn’t have to speak so loudly. “You might think I’m a silly old lady for saying that, but people don’t talk to me anymore. When I was young and pretty, men always talked to me. Now everyone just ignores me. You were sweet to me and I thank you.”

As I walked away, my mind played the chorus of a very old John Prine song called “Hello In There“:

Ya’ know that old trees just grow stronger
And old rivers grow wilder every day
Old people just grow lonesome
Waiting for someone to say, “Hello in there, hello”

I also found myself thinking of a letter that was among my father’s papers when he died six months ago. It was a letter from my mother — maybe 15 years ago — after she had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease.

“I have finally become resolved to this,” she wrote, “but my friends here refuse to believe I have Alzheimer’s. It feels as if small men are walking in my brain, but with God’s help, I’ll be all right.”

She knew that she was going to get worse and she knew it would take away her ability to know herself and the people around her.

“I have wished to see you and David before my brain gets to the vacant, staring look that comes toward the end,” she wrote.

My mother knew she was quickly losing who she was. She knew what was coming. I never did see her — or know what was going on. I didn’t even know she had died two years ago until six or eight months ago.

I’m not sure why seeing this woman — why didn’t I get her name? — made me think about my mother. Maybe this woman was a stand-in of sorts for my own mother. At least my mother had my two sisters in her life as her life reached the end, as far as I know, while this woman has no one. Something about my encounter with this woman makes me wish I could have seen my mother and talked to her before she reached the point she didn’t know anybody.

How is it that we can have people all around us, but we’re still lonely? Why are we more cut off from one another than ever?

I wish we were more willing to see a lonely stranger and say, “Hello in there. I’d like to talk with you.”

Note: My encounter with the woman tonight also reminded me of this song called “We All Get Lonely” from the Minnesota-based alternative/folk group Trampled By Turtles. I’ll include it below.

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I just remembered this shot I got a couple of hour I just remembered this shot I got a couple of hours ago of the fading sunset while I was in the Publix parking lot on the way home. If you suddenly find yourself craving Arby’s or Wendy’s, blame the giant icons in the sky, not me. 😃 (BTW, this was with the iPhone’s 8X telephoto lens.) #nature #naturephotography #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I had just pulled into a parking lot Friday night I had just pulled into a parking lot Friday night and was watching traffic through the distortion of the gently falling rain on my car window when I realized that the abstract view I had matched the way I was feeling tonight, so I turned it into a brief abstract video to match my mood.
Get ready for the next great animated Christmas cl Get ready for the next great animated Christmas classic, featuring singing and dancing and danger from Alex, Oliver and Sam. Coming soon to a theater near you. (The funniest part is that if I cared about this as anything more than a Christmas joke, it strikes me as something that could be profitable with the right story development and the right animators.)
Here are a couple of views of the sunset I just wa Here are a couple of views of the sunset I just watched on my way home after showing houses. I didn’t have my camera with me, so these are just iPhone shots. #nature #naturephotography #sunset #birmingham #alabama
This is what it might look like if the cats and I This is what it might look like if the cats and I were cast in a Wes Anderson film.
This is one of the funniest things that ChatGPT ha This is one of the funniest things that ChatGPT has done for me. I asked it to create a movie poster showing what a movie poster would look like for a film starring me. I told it to use my previous writings (from my website) to come up with a title and subject matter. And this is what it came up with. I can’t stop laughing. Also, the software decided on its own to included Oliver. 😺
I just noticed in the past couple of days that the I just noticed in the past couple of days that there’s suddenly far more color in the leaves of the trees, which lets me know that winter isn’t far behind. I took these two photos on a chilly Sunday afternoon nine years ago this week. #nature #naturephotography #colorful #trees #autumn #birmingham #alabama
Some of you might be aware that my dog Lucy died o Some of you might be aware that my dog Lucy died of cancer last weekend. As I’ve been grieving the loss of this beautiful and loving girl, I put together a one-minute compilation of short videos of Lucy from her first two or three weeks with me in early 2016. She was several years old at the time, but living with me provided her first stable home. She was unsure of herself at first, but she quickly developed confidence as she discovered how much she was loved. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
Tonight’s moon is apparently something called a be Tonight’s moon is apparently something called a beaver supermoon. I noticed as I was getting home from work that it was a bright yellowish-orange, so I snapped this a couple of miles from home. It’s not a great photo, but I was pretty happy with it for an iPhone shot on the side of the road. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama #iphone17pro
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Oliver and I are both ignoring the Super Bowl Sund Oliver and I are both ignoring the Super Bowl Sunday evening, but he has the advantage of not even being aware that this media event exists.
Just as sunset started arriving Sunday afternoon, Just as sunset started arriving Sunday afternoon, Alex sat up to take in the sights of the neighborhood in the fading sunlight.
Just before Sunday’s sunset, Alex is purring himse Just before Sunday’s sunset, Alex is purring himself to sleep in an office window. Sam is in the matching office window and Oliver is on the mantle between them. It’s a peaceful and quiet scene for all of us.
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At lunchtime Friday, Oliver is fully occupied watc At lunchtime Friday, Oliver is fully occupied watching the cars and trucks that come down our street. He has a busy afternoon planned, although napping might suddenly interrupt his agenda at any moment.
Sam thinks the warm sunshine in an office window i Sam thinks the warm sunshine in an office window is a great thing to enjoy on a cold winter afternoon.
Alex was still awake and looking around the office Alex was still awake and looking around the office — from the top of his castle — when I left the house Thursday afternoon, but he looked as though he might be ready for a nap.
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