• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to secondary sidebar
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

  • About
  • Podcasts

I finally understand why I feel like
a fraud when people say I’m smart

By David McElroy · February 6, 2019

Imagine you’re a contestant on a quiz show. Your opponents are brainy folks with wide knowledge. The questions aren’t just trivia. You have to think quickly on your feet to solve problems.

Now let’s imagine you have a secret weapon. You have a tiny receiver inside your ear — and somebody elsewhere who has access to most of the knowledge of the world is whispering the answers in your head. Your opponents are bright, but this other person feeds you those answers quickly enough that you have the most points.

The show is over. You’re declared the winner. Everybody remarks about how brilliant you are. But you feel like a fraud, because you know that someone else was feeding you those answers. It looked remarkable, but you know that you didn’t have any idea how to work out the answers which you so confidently gave.

And you’re scared people are going to find out you’re a fraud.

That’s how I’ve felt for my entire life. I’ve been blurting out answers that appear in my head — or writing them down in some way — ever since I was a child. And I felt like a fraud.

People told me I was smart, but I didn’t feel smart. Tests claim my IQ is somewhere between 155 and 165, depending on the test, but that just destroyed my faith in such tests. (When I was in high school, a church friend who was working on her Ph.D. gave IQ tests to several of us as part of a psychometrics class. She had me retake the test, because she thought she must have done something wrong, but the second result was also higher than what she had ever seen before.)

I eventually discovered that other bright people shared my feeling of being a fraud, but I always figured it was different for those folks. With them, I assumed, it was just a psychological problem with confidence. I had confidence. I simply knew that my luck was going to run out some day — because wherever these answers were coming from, they had to stop eventually.

I was recently listening to an interview with psychologist Daniel Kahneman and had an epiphany. (He won a Nobel Prize for his work in behavioral economics, but he’s probably best known for his popular book, “Thinking, Fast and Slow.”) Kahneman distinguishes between two different systems of thinking in our brains — System 1 and System 2.

He says System 1 is the quick intuition that works automatically and System 2 is the slower, more deliberate use of systematic reason to work out an answer. All of a sudden, I had a perfect framework for understanding why I felt like a fraud.

I have always thought that intelligence is the ability to consciously reason your way to an answer — to be able to say, “Well, if we simplify this single-variable equation into standard form and then solve using the quadratic formula, we can solve for X, so let’s do that.”

I could reason my way to answers — mathematically or otherwise — as well as other reasonably bright people, but I never had that feeling of brilliance that I saw with a handful of people who could go through mounds of calculations in their heads.

And that made me feel like a fraud.

You see, I’m more likely to have someone bring me a complex real-world problem and I suddenly blurt out, “That won’t work, because there will be too much [something or other] on this side. To make it work, you have to increase your input by 50 percent and [do whatever]. That’s all.”

Here’s the thing. I will generally have no idea where that solution came from, but it will be the right solution at least 90 percent of the time, especially when it’s about something fairly abstract instead of an engineering problem. And that’s why I’ve felt like a fraud.

I’ve felt as though there’s something in my body — completely out of my control — that whispers these ideas and solutions. When I listen and confidently go with what the “voice” says, I’m usually right. When I wait for the slow and rational side of me to catch up, I’ll lose the genius of the moment or (far worse) come up with an inferior answer that turns out to be wrong.

But Kahneman tells me I’m not a fraud. I’m simply using some automatic form of intelligence which goes beyond my conscious thought. And I feel like a fraud because my conscious thought doesn’t seem all that brilliant to me. (In fact, I’ve always felt convinced that I wasn’t as bright as people assumed — that I must just be surrounded by idiots.) By Kahneman’s reckoning, I’m really good at System 1 and only moderately good at System 2.

I had read Kahneman’s insight before, but it didn’t have the same impact for me. I’ve been dealing lately with the realization that I have always trusted this physical feeling in my body — my literal gut — to tell me the truth. The process has been so automatic that I haven’t known what I was doing until lately.

So am I really smart?

Maybe. I guess so. But I’m not sure it matters. (I’ve written before about coming to realize that intelligence is overrated without other values. I even used the same illustration.) All I know now is that it doesn’t matter how I arrive at my answers. It only matters that I can trust my answers.

This quick and automatic intuitive intelligence isn’t perfect. There are times when it tells me something as truth, but it can turn around 180 degrees when one solitary fact changes — and I often have no conscious understanding of what that one fact had to do with changing everything.

I’ve learned from long experience that this little voice in my gut is pretty clever. As long as I’m confident and go with what he tells me, I can sometimes come up with remarkable answers that lead me to success.

But I now understand that it’s not cheating. There’s no smart fellow on the other end of this radio receiver giving me information. I’m not cheating. That’s really me. Even if I don’t quite understand how it works, that little voice is a part of me — and he’s smarter than it sometimes feels as though I am.

Share on Social Networks

Related Posts

  • We’re neither friends nor enemies, just strangers who share the past
  • Society needs storytellers to help make sense of a changing world
  • My bad teen poetry suggests I’ve always hungered for missing love

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: intelligence, intuition, psychology

Primary Sidebar

My Instagram

This was the view just after sunset Tuesday evenin This was the view just after sunset Tuesday evening near my house. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
At sunset Tuesday evening, the cloud cover over me At sunset Tuesday evening, the cloud cover over me was solidly gray and black, but one tiny break in the clouds appeared just for a few minutes to show a little bit of sunset’s colorful light. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I just remembered that I caught the sun just befor I just remembered that I caught the sun just before it slipped beneath the horizon Tuesday evening. This is near my house just east of Birmingham. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
This was another experiment with a moon photo — This was another experiment with a moon photo — with my iPhone — but I allowed the moon to be overexposed in order to get the clouds in the foreground to show up. I’d really like to figure out how pros do shots of this sort. I don’t have it even close to right. #nature #naturephotography #sky #clouds #moon #iphone14
This is the sunset I just watched right after dinn This is the sunset I just watched right after dinner. It was one of the most vibrantly colorful displays I’ve seen in weeks. It was really beautiful. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I don’t have the right lens to photograph the mo I don’t have the right lens to photograph the moon properly, but there are some nights when I try anyway. The longest lens I have goes to 240mm, which means I have to enlarge a tiny part of the frame way too much. But even if I had the right lens, I’m not sure I’ve figured out how to expose the moon decently while still showing some stars around it. Tonight’s attempt has given me a grainy moon and pinpricks of stars that become invisible when viewed at normal size. (Blow this up with your fingers in the app and you can see the tiny stars.) I really want to learn how to do this better, so if anyone has tips for me, I’d be happy to hear them. #nature #naturephotography #sky #moon
It’s been really hot in Birmingham today, so I’ve been thinking about how much I’m looking forward to fall. My iPhone must’ve been reading my mind, because it just showed this photo from November 2016 to me as a featured photo from my library. I remember this day well. It was in Trussville, which is just east of Birmingham. #nature #naturephotography #colorful #autumn #autumnleaves #birmingham #alabama
I just remembered this sunset photo that I took th I just remembered this sunset photo that I took this evening when I had stopped to get gasoline on I-20 just east of Birmingham. I was pumping gas when I suddenly realized the sky had erupted with bright pastel colors. I didn’t have time to get my “real” camera, so I just quickly shot two frames with my iPhone at the edge of the parking lot. It keeps surprising me just how good cameras on our smartphones have become. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
We had dark and stormy skies all day in Birmingham We had dark and stormy skies all day in Birmingham, but there was a little bit of light that was finally able to poke through the darkness right at sunset along U.S. 411 just east of Birmingham. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
Follow on Instagram

Critter Instagram

Lucy is doing her Neighborhood Watch duties about Lucy is doing her Neighborhood Watch duties about half a mile from home late Friday night. No matter how many times we do this, the sounds of the night always fascinate her. Watch the way her ears are constantly adjusting to pick up on something else. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
Alex has been battling this little toy mouse for t Alex has been battling this little toy mouse for the last hour or so. A friend sent him several of these last December and he just discovered one of them tonight. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama #caturdayeve
Now that his big brother is gone, Alex has decided Now that his big brother is gone, Alex has decided he has to be the alpha cat around the house, so he has his fiercest face on display. I don’t think anybody is going to want to mess with this powerful predator. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama #caturdayeve
Alex seems to have regained his composure by late Alex seems to have regained his composure by late Thursday night. I don’t know what he might or might not feel about Thomas’s death, but his behavior seems to be returning to what is normal for him. He still wants to be very close to me, but that has always been a key feature of his personality. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
For “throwback Thursday,” I think it’s appro For “throwback Thursday,” I think it’s appropriate to go back to 2011 for the first photo I was ever able to get with Thomas. He was still living outside my house and I was feeding him on the porch. It took me quite awhile to get him to let me hold him long enough for this brief photo, but he clawed his way out of my arms very quickly. This was the very first photo that I used when I was still trying to find a home for him in October 2011 — before I took him inside to stay soon afterward. #tbt #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
I just got home for the evening and laid down on t I just got home for the evening and laid down on the bed, not realizing how quickly Alex would be lying on my chest purring. I think he’s happy that I’m home. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Alex still looks like a man who just lost his best Alex still looks like a man who just lost his best friend today, but he’s a lot closer to acting like his normal self than he was last night. I wish we could know how a cat or dog goes about processing the loss of a companion. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Alex has calmed down quite a bit. I hope tomorrow Alex has calmed down quite a bit. I hope tomorrow will seem more routine for him. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Alex still seems confused tonight, but he finally Alex still seems confused tonight, but he finally ate a little bit of food. I know that he’ll be back to his normal self pretty quickly, but it really does seem as though Thomas’s death this afternoon has left him perplexed. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Follow on Instagram

Contact David

David likes email, but can’t reply to every message. I get a surprisingly large number of requests for relationship advice — seriously — but time doesn’t permit a response to all of them. (Sorry.)

Subscribe

Enter your address to receive notifications by email every time new articles are posted. Then click “Subscribe.”

Donations

If you enjoy this site and want to help, click here. All donations are appreciated, no matter how large or small. (PayPal often doesn’t identify donors, so I might not be able to thank you directly.)




Search

Archives

Secondary Sidebar

Briefly

On a live awards show Sunday night, one man made a joke about a female celebrity. The husband of the celebrity was offended and hit the man who made the joke. Or maybe it was staged for entertainment. Who knows? Who cares? Social media is full of discussion — and even arguments — about this idiocy today. This baffles me. Let’s assume for a moment that the event happened as reported. People have been having such idiotic fights ever since there have been humans. Half the bars in the world see such brief dustups regularly. It simply doesn’t matter. The fact that so many people believe they need to talk about this — or even need to have opinions about it — is more evidence of the bizarre media brainwashing that convinces many to care passionately about brain-dead trivia. Your life will be happier and saner if you focus on yourself, your family and your friends, not on whatever scripted (or spontaneous) bilge that the media wants to pipe into your home.

I’m in the middle of migrating this website to new servers this week. This means you might encounter some unexpected behavior until I get all the bugs worked out. Clicking on my links (including this one) might cause your browser to give you the message that it’s a site without a current security certificate. It’s not actually unsafe, but there’s something which isn’t yet set up for the security certificate. I apologize for any such errors you might encounter while the process is going on. If you notice any problems with content which didn’t migrate properly, I would appreciate you letting me know the details at davidmcelroy@mac.com. Thanks for your patience.

I often wonder what animals think when they look at us and consider the society we’ve created. Yes, I know this is fanciful and unrealistic, but what if they could? Would they be astounded at how we treat each other? Would they be disgusted by the ugliness and pettiness which fill so many of our daily interactions? The truth is that I’m feeling pretty disgusted with humanity tonight. I made the mistake of reading some online interactions that I should have avoided — and it sickened me. The people involved appeared to be vile and stupid and arrogant. I wish I could pretend they’re a tiny minority, but I know better. It’s times such as this when I most need to escape much of “civilization” and disconnect from their world. If humans are going to be worthy of “ruling this planet,” we have a lot of growth to do. And I fear that growth is nowhere in sight. So my buddy Thomas, above, and all of his friends would be right to judge us harshly — and to think, “Why do you folks get to be in charge?”

I should have expected this, but I honestly didn’t. The article I wrote last week about disagreements over treatment for autistic children brought me angry emails. You could almost call it “hate mail.” Of the five emails about it so far, two have been to tell me that I’m wrong to even listen to critics of the most popular therapy for autistic children — and the other three tell me I’m wrong for not condemning the treatment as the “obvious” abuse it is. If you read the article, you know I didn’t take a position on the issue, because I simply don’t know enough to have an opinion. But by talking about the issue, I stepped into a heated controversy. The emails from the two sides convinced me of nothing. But they did give me even more empathy for the unfortunate parents who have to figure out for themselves where the truth lies for their children.

Have you ever had what you thought was a new idea — and then discovered that “old you” had the same idea years ago? I had that experience tonight. And it’s been wonderful. I came up with an idea tonight for a very short satirical film that would be a promotion for a fictitious college. The point is to make the college promote — as good things — everything which is actually terrible about most modern colleges. Then I remembered a fake college that I invented back when I was in college. I had created student recruitment brochures and various newsletters back then, so I decided to call my “new” college by the same name I’d invented years ago: Ochita College. As I searched my computer for any old material I might still have about Ochita from the past, I discovered an email I sent to someone in 2009 — outlining essentially the same idea which I came up with tonight. Since I didn’t remember writing that, it felt like magic. So my next film project just might be this one instead. If all goes well, you might soon see “Ochita College: Your Future Starts Here.” This should be fun.

Read More

Crass Capitalism

Before you buy anything from Amazon, please click on this link. I’ll get a tiny commission, but it won’t cost you a nickel extra. The cats and Lucy will thank you. And so will I.

© 2011–2023 · All Rights Reserved
Built by: 1955 DESIGN