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David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

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If you’re out of place somewhere, nobody’s going to be very happy

By David McElroy · March 2, 2019

I was still 21 years old when I hired someone for the first time. I failed miserably.

I had just been promoted to managing editor of a small daily newspaper and one of my first tasks was to fill the job I had just vacated as sports editor. I felt very confident that I’d make a good hire.

OK, let’s be honest. I was young and full of myself. I knew what I was doing, unlike those who had come before me. I wouldn’t hire some dork with no talent. (We had a couple of those.) I was going to hire the best.

When I went through resumes and read the candidates’ previous work, one guy stood out. Danny was a great writer. His copy was crisp and fun to read. He had just finished his graduate degree in journalism and would obviously be working at a bigger paper soon with some experience. After an interview, I hired him.

It was an absolute disaster.

Danny wrote well, but he was a complete mismatch for our newspaper, our town, our people. I wasn’t happy with him. He wasn’t happy with me. Other people in my newsroom were unhappy. Some people in the community weren’t happy. It was a terrible fit, but I was stuck with him.

I blamed Danny at the time, but I’ve learned over the years that it was my fault. I chose someone who was a complete mismatch. It was my first realization that talent wasn’t enough and good intentions weren’t enough.

For the first time in my life, I realized that someone can be a great person but absolutely wrong for a company, an organization, a group of friends or even a relationship. I’ve been thinking about this lately in two different contexts.

First, as I’ve been thinking about the business direction I want for myself right now, I’m realizing — not for the first time — that I desperately need to work with people who share my values, my goals and my ways of looking at the world.

As long as you just want to be a cog in a company’s system, you can grit your teeth and follow whatever procedures and policies your given. But when you are ready to do something more serious — something that you intend to represent your best work and best financial prospects — you need to surround yourself with people who think as you do.

That’s almost impossible to measure, but when you’re in the middle of a situation and you constantly find yourself saying, “I don’t belong here,” you need to listen. You need to either move to another company or else build a team of your own that has the freedom to act independently.

This is very important to me as I assess my next moves. I need partners — formal and informal — whose priorities and judgments match my own. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with people who think differently. It just means I’m not necessarily a good fit for those people.

When you “speak the same language” and see the world the same way, it’s easier to make it through days. You don’t have to explain yourself as often. And you don’t have to feel defeated when a decision is made to do things in a different way than you believe is right.

Again, it doesn’t mean that people who see the world differently are necessarily wrong. It might just mean that those people need to pursue different strategies to achieve different results.

The only downside is the possibility of teaming with nobody except those who think exactly as you do — and having a cultural inability to see things in the world that you need to see. That’s possible, but the goal here isn’t to have a bunch of identical people, but to have people whose visions and ways of seeing things match those of the ultimate decision-maker.

If you see the world one way and the person making decisions sees things entirely differently, you’re either going to fight all the time over direction or else you’re doing to learn to keep your mouth shut and you will never be able to pursue your work as you think you should.

The other context I’ve been thinking of lately is in romantic relationships.

I’m shocked at how many people get into relationships with people whose values and objectives simply don’t match. Most people I know saw those mismatches going into a relationship (or marriage) but chose to ignore them — with the conscious (or unconscious) reasoning that such things will work themselves out.

Here’s the hard truth. Those differences in values become more important over time, not less.

It doesn’t matter whether your friends like your partner or people say you two are a good match or if you have a lot in common. If your core values don’t match, one of you — maybe both of you — will feel horribly out of place. One or both of you will be miserable. One or both of you will ultimately want out — probably after you’ve spent years together and have shared children and financial obligations.

Whether you’re looking for people to work with or someone to marry, put shared values and shared worldview right up there at the top of your list.

If you don’t do that, you’re going to end up as miserable as I was when I hired the wrong guy so long ago. And you’re going to be just as stuck with the wrong guy as I was. Be wiser than I was.

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It was too cloudy last night for me to take a phot It was too cloudy last night for me to take a photo of the lunar eclipse, so I missed the beautiful red image that I saw from others. But the sky overhead tonight is crystal clear — and the moon seemed especially bright — so I snapped a shot anyway. I don’t really have the right lens for this since I have to blow it up massively when I shoot at 240mm. Surprisingly, this image was made at 1/250th of a second at f/6.3 and ISO 250. I’d like to have a longer lens for such a shot, but it’s not worth the money since I’d rarely use it. #nature #naturephotography #sky #moon
The aftermath of sunset looked soft and pastel Tue The aftermath of sunset looked soft and pastel Tuesday evening. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I didn’t have my “real camera” with me, but I didn’t have my “real camera” with me, but the iPhone gives you a sense of how colorful the sky was just a moment ago right before the sun slipped beneath the horizon. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
The Saturday evening sunset punches through the he The Saturday evening sunset punches through the heavy clouds sitting just over the horizon, just enough to create a spectacular orange show as the world spins toward another night of darkness. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
This was sunset just east of Birmingham Wednesday This was sunset just east of Birmingham Wednesday evening behind the restaurant where I had dinner. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
One of the best things about this time of year is One of the best things about this time of year is that I see far more sunsets since they occur later in the evening. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I caught just the very end of sunset through the t I caught just the very end of sunset through the trees behind the restaurant where I’m eating Tuesday evening. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
One of the things I really enjoy about spring is h One of the things I really enjoy about spring is having sunsets later in the evening. Here’s the one I just watched while I was at dinner. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I just caught the very end of sunset, but I loved I just caught the very end of sunset, but I loved how the fading colors looked behind the evening clouds. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
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For “throwback Thursday, let me introduce you to For “throwback Thursday, let me introduce you to Sam. In 2009, I took in a young feral cat who I named for the early American revolutionary Samuel Adams. He was one of the most confident — downright arrogant, in fact — cats I’ve ever been around. He had an amazing personality and I immediately loved him. He was no more than 8 or 9 months old when he suddenly died for reasons that my vet couldn’t explain. Even though I had him only a short time, he was one of my all-time favorites. #tbt #cats #tabby #feral #birmingham #alabama
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Lucy has been happily rolling around in the freshl Lucy has been happily rolling around in the freshly cut grass of the back yard Wednesday evening. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
Thomas believes that he is the Most Interesting Ca Thomas believes that he is the Most Interesting Cat in the World — and I can’t say he’s wrong tonight. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Merlin is ready for me to turn the last of the off Merlin is ready for me to turn the last of the office lights off so he and Thomas can sleep peacefully without me muttering to myself as I write. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Lucy just finished a Neighborhood Watch patrol and Lucy just finished a Neighborhood Watch patrol and now she’s cooling off in the back yard before heading inside for dinner. Her work is never done. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
Except when he’s asleep, Thomas always looks as Except when he’s asleep, Thomas always looks as though he’s on high alert and ready to run away from danger. His feral early years still dominate his internal programming. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Lucy just finished her last walk of the day, but s Lucy just finished her last walk of the day, but she still wants more attention. She’s sitting in front of me looking expectantly. She seems certain that we will go outside for one more adventure if she’s persistent enough. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
My favorite photos of Merlin tend to be those — My favorite photos of Merlin tend to be those — such as this one — in which he seems to be contemplating difficult issues. Feline philosophy or quantum physics or something else that he figures I wouldn’t understand. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama #caturday
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On a live awards show Sunday night, one man made a joke about a female celebrity. The husband of the celebrity was offended and hit the man who made the joke. Or maybe it was staged for entertainment. Who knows? Who cares? Social media is full of discussion — and even arguments — about this idiocy today. This baffles me. Let’s assume for a moment that the event happened as reported. People have been having such idiotic fights ever since there have been humans. Half the bars in the world see such brief dustups regularly. It simply doesn’t matter. The fact that so many people believe they need to talk about this — or even need to have opinions about it — is more evidence of the bizarre media brainwashing that convinces many to care passionately about brain-dead trivia. Your life will be happier and saner if you focus on yourself, your family and your friends, not on whatever scripted (or spontaneous) bilge that the media wants to pipe into your home.

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