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David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

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My reaction to man’s home taught me more about me than about him

By David McElroy · March 14, 2019

Lucy and I just got finished walking a couple of miles in our neighborhood. It’s a beautiful night — unseasonably warm at 69 degrees and strong winds that hint of the storms heading our way Thursday.

Next month will complete my fourth year in this neighborhood. As I walked tonight, I found myself thinking about my first reaction to this place. At the time, I was in a serious financial crisis and I was losing the home where I had lived for 20 years. It was a much nicer place in a much more prestigious neighborhood.

When I first drove by this house to check it out, I turned up my nose at it. Surely, I was too good for this sort of neighborhood.

That’s not what I actually said to myself, of course, but that’s what I really meant. And as I walked through this working class neighborhood a few minutes ago — a stone’s throw from the high school baseball game from which I could hear cheering — I found myself remembering my silent judgment of another man’s home 20 years ago.

He was someone I met in political circles when I was working as a political consultant. Almost everybody in those groups either lived in upper class neighborhoods or else took pains to hide the shame of not yet having moved up in the world.

But this guy was different. He lived in a mobile home. A trailer. “Manufactured housing.” Whatever you want to call it. I don’t believe I’ve ever known anyone — not personally, at least — who lived in such a place. And he wasn’t the least bit embarrassed about it. He didn’t hide it.

I remember when a mutual friend told me where he lived. This friend was making fun of the guy. Soon, I was, too. I’m embarrassed to admit this now, because it reveals just how much I had allowed myself to feel pride and false superiority about something so ridiculous.

I heard him explain to someone that since he wasn’t married yet, living in the trailer allowed him to save money instead of consuming all that he made. He wasn’t bragging. He wasn’t ashamed. It was just a matter-of-fact thing to him, because it made sense for where he was in the world.

I still judged him, mostly silently, because I had a lot of prejudice about “trailer trash,” so I allowed myself to feel superior.

He became very successful and married a woman who was also very successful. With the money he had saved, they bought a nice house. I haven’t kept up with them. In fact, I hadn’t thought about him for a long time — until my walk tonight.

I bought a cheap foreclosure in a lower middle-class neighborhood four years ago, because it was all I could afford to buy. I knew it wasn’t a place into which I would want to move a wife and family. But for me — and a houseful of furry creatures — it was perfectly good enough.

I didn’t move here because I had a brilliant plan to save money. In fact, I had to swallow my pride to accept this. Four years later, I realize it was the smartest thing I could have done — even if my pride made it hard for me to accept the move down in the world.

This neighborhood was build in the early 20th century as a working-class community near railroad tracks and factories. The factories are mostly gone. The railroads are still there.

My house was built in 1928. (That’s a picture of it above.) It’s less than a thousand square feet. It still needs upgrades that I haven’t spent the money for. It’s the most modest home in which I’ve ever lived, except for a couple of dumps where I lived in college. But I have great neighbors and it’s been a great place for me to live cheaply while I slowly started putting my life back in order.

I don’t remember whether I’ve ever told you about my favorite neighbor, a retired teacher named Cora who lives across the street. She left me this sweet and loving card — along with a Walmart gift card — about six weeks ago, but I don’t even know what she was thanking me for. I think she just wanted an excuse to do something nice for me. It’s really great to have such a wonderful neighbor. How could I regret living in a place with that sort of loving neighbor?

I still wouldn’t want to move a wife here or bring children to grow up here. But I’ll always appreciate the refuge it’s been when I needed one.

My life is much better than it was four years ago and it’s getting better. Just today, I was talking with someone about a major opportunity that he’s giving me about eight months from now. I’m not where I want to be, but I’m on a realistic path back to serious prosperity.

When I first came to this neighborhood to look around, I was disdainful — in much the same way I was disdainful about finding out that a political associate lived in a trailer. In both cases, it was my ridiculous pride which made me feel that I was too good for something — and in both cases, I was wrong.

I rarely learn anything useful about myself from my successes. When I do good things and I get praise and rewards, it puffs up my pride and I can be a little full of myself.

I hate the situation that I put myself into about eight or nine years ago which turned into a long downward spiral. I hate that I felt like such a failure for awhile. But I like some of the lessons I’ve learned about life and about myself along the way.

Shortsighted people will judge you if you don’t live up to their prideful and egotistical standards, just as I judged that guy who lived in the trailer years ago. If you’re smart, you’ll learn to ignore their judgment and do the things that are right for you.

And if you’re wise — wiser than I was — you’ll learn that you can live in dignity and grace wherever life takes you.

You can be as successful as you want to be, even if life brings you somewhere less-than-impressive while you’re on that long journey which is full of hard lessons.

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For “throwback Thursday, let me introduce you to For “throwback Thursday, let me introduce you to Sam. In 2009, I took in a young feral cat who I named for the early American revolutionary Samuel Adams. He was one of the most confident — downright arrogant, in fact — cats I’ve ever been around. He had an amazing personality and I immediately loved him. He was no more than 8 or 9 months old when he suddenly died for reasons that my vet couldn’t explain. Even though I had him only a short time, he was one of my all-time favorites. #tbt #cats #tabby #feral #birmingham #alabama
I’ve never been as curious about what a cat migh I’ve never been as curious about what a cat might be thinking as I constantly am about Merlin. As I watch him sitting here on the edge of my desk late Wednesday night, I can’t help but conclude he’s a very deep thinker. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
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Thomas believes that he is the Most Interesting Ca Thomas believes that he is the Most Interesting Cat in the World — and I can’t say he’s wrong tonight. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Merlin is ready for me to turn the last of the off Merlin is ready for me to turn the last of the office lights off so he and Thomas can sleep peacefully without me muttering to myself as I write. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
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Except when he’s asleep, Thomas always looks as Except when he’s asleep, Thomas always looks as though he’s on high alert and ready to run away from danger. His feral early years still dominate his internal programming. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Lucy just finished her last walk of the day, but s Lucy just finished her last walk of the day, but she still wants more attention. She’s sitting in front of me looking expectantly. She seems certain that we will go outside for one more adventure if she’s persistent enough. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
My favorite photos of Merlin tend to be those — My favorite photos of Merlin tend to be those — such as this one — in which he seems to be contemplating difficult issues. Feline philosophy or quantum physics or something else that he figures I wouldn’t understand. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama #caturday
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On a live awards show Sunday night, one man made a joke about a female celebrity. The husband of the celebrity was offended and hit the man who made the joke. Or maybe it was staged for entertainment. Who knows? Who cares? Social media is full of discussion — and even arguments — about this idiocy today. This baffles me. Let’s assume for a moment that the event happened as reported. People have been having such idiotic fights ever since there have been humans. Half the bars in the world see such brief dustups regularly. It simply doesn’t matter. The fact that so many people believe they need to talk about this — or even need to have opinions about it — is more evidence of the bizarre media brainwashing that convinces many to care passionately about brain-dead trivia. Your life will be happier and saner if you focus on yourself, your family and your friends, not on whatever scripted (or spontaneous) bilge that the media wants to pipe into your home.

I’m in the middle of migrating this website to new servers this week. This means you might encounter some unexpected behavior until I get all the bugs worked out. Clicking on my links (including this one) might cause your browser to give you the message that it’s a site without a current security certificate. It’s not actually unsafe, but there’s something which isn’t yet set up for the security certificate. I apologize for any such errors you might encounter while the process is going on. If you notice any problems with content which didn’t migrate properly, I would appreciate you letting me know the details at davidmcelroy@mac.com. Thanks for your patience.

I often wonder what animals think when they look at us and consider the society we’ve created. Yes, I know this is fanciful and unrealistic, but what if they could? Would they be astounded at how we treat each other? Would they be disgusted by the ugliness and pettiness which fill so many of our daily interactions? The truth is that I’m feeling pretty disgusted with humanity tonight. I made the mistake of reading some online interactions that I should have avoided — and it sickened me. The people involved appeared to be vile and stupid and arrogant. I wish I could pretend they’re a tiny minority, but I know better. It’s times such as this when I most need to escape much of “civilization” and disconnect from their world. If humans are going to be worthy of “ruling this planet,” we have a lot of growth to do. And I fear that growth is nowhere in sight. So my buddy Thomas, above, and all of his friends would be right to judge us harshly — and to think, “Why do you folks get to be in charge?”

I should have expected this, but I honestly didn’t. The article I wrote last week about disagreements over treatment for autistic children brought me angry emails. You could almost call it “hate mail.” Of the five emails about it so far, two have been to tell me that I’m wrong to even listen to critics of the most popular therapy for autistic children — and the other three tell me I’m wrong for not condemning the treatment as the “obvious” abuse it is. If you read the article, you know I didn’t take a position on the issue, because I simply don’t know enough to have an opinion. But by talking about the issue, I stepped into a heated controversy. The emails from the two sides convinced me of nothing. But they did give me even more empathy for the unfortunate parents who have to figure out for themselves where the truth lies for their children.

Have you ever had what you thought was a new idea — and then discovered that “old you” had the same idea years ago? I had that experience tonight. And it’s been wonderful. I came up with an idea tonight for a very short satirical film that would be a promotion for a fictitious college. The point is to make the college promote — as good things — everything which is actually terrible about most modern colleges. Then I remembered a fake college that I invented back when I was in college. I had created student recruitment brochures and various newsletters back then, so I decided to call my “new” college by the same name I’d invented years ago: Ochita College. As I searched my computer for any old material I might still have about Ochita from the past, I discovered an email I sent to someone in 2009 — outlining essentially the same idea which I came up with tonight. Since I didn’t remember writing that, it felt like magic. So my next film project just might be this one instead. If all goes well, you might soon see “Ochita College: Your Future Starts Here.” This should be fun.

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