Shame of not being perfect comes with every new thing I try to do

By David McElroy · December 27, 2019

I like things to be easy.

When I was young, most things came very easily to me. I didn’t have to work hard for much of anything. I quickly learned to stick to the things which were most obvious to me — and which impressed people the most — and just sit back to receive the praise.

For the most part, I‘ve done the same thing for my adult life. Unless I have a huge incentive, I stick to what I know how to do. It’s safe. It gets the praise I crave. And it keeps me from having to risk failure.

But every now and then, I push myself into something completely new. The old fears start surfacing. What if I’m a fraud? What if I fail at this? What if I‘m just embarrassing myself? What if I’m not perfect?

I’m in that position right now as I work toward the first complete episode of my new podcast, Love & Hope. (Listen to the three-minute introduction here.) I know the things I need to do. I’m working on them. But I’m not an expert at these things — and I once again feel the old fear of not being perfect.

At times such as these — when I allow my perfectionism to cause me go numb inside and make me want to run away from something I’m doing for the first time — I have to remind myself that nobody else knows what he’s doing the first time he does it, either.

I just wish I weren’t so intimidated by my fears of not doing everything right the first time I attempt it.

I have trouble allowing myself to be a beginner — and that’s a very good way of ensuring I never start most things that I’m capable of. Even with this podcast I’m working on, I started out telling myself that I would take existing audio segments and just put them up as episodes — intentionally keeping production very simple — while I got my bearings.

But that changed quickly.

Instead of just using one blob of recorded words, I threw out the things I’ve been recording for the past six weeks or so. I had to add theme music. I had to add a sponsor break. I had to add credits with music. I had to try to make it sound more like what I hear when I hear the shows produced by the most experienced producers and performers.

I’m not experienced, but my mind doesn’t allow me to take that into account. I just want to scream at myself because I’m not getting it right — not writing, editing, recording and producing just like a pro.

One of my biggest problems with anything I attempt is that I want to be a master of everything from the beginning. I know what’s good in whatever medium I want to work in, so I feel shame that my first attempts aren’t good by those standards.

Even if what I do is better than what other first-timers might do, I feel humiliated at my lack of mastery.

So I have trouble sharing work that I know isn’t good by professional standards. Even when I force myself to do that, I beat myself up about it and often prevent myself from doing more of it. I know that in order to do good work in a medium, you have to do a lot of bad work and then mediocre work to develop what you’re capable of, but I can’t seem to apply that lesson to myself — because it involves letting people see how imperfect I really am.

The old shame of imperfection — and the irrational fear of being punished for not being good enough — are still really strong in me.

On the outside, I appear confident and certain about everything I try. I just wish I could feel that way inside. And I wish I could allow myself the grace of being imperfect while I learn — instead of having to constantly fight the desire to run away from things that aren’t easy from the start.

Share on Social Networks

If you have problems with high blood pressure, I’d like to encourage you to consider making serious changes to your diet. There might be some people who don’t have any choice but to start taking prescription medications for high blood pressure, but I’d like to tell you that I have completely eliminated my issue by eliminating all sugar and almost all carbohydrates. (A couple of months ago, my blood pressure hit 185/144, which was dangerously high — considered stage 3 hypertension.) By completely changing my eating habits, I’m down 22 pounds and my blood pressure is now in the “ideal” range — without taking any medication. In addition, I sleep better and I have more energy. Getting away from the sugar-laden mess that we generally refer to as “highly processed food” has been a life-changer for me. Now my challenge is to avoid slipping back into old habits — by eating in the dangerous ways that almost everyone in our society has come to see as normal.

When I first heard about this, I thought it must be satire. When I discovered it was real, I was appalled, but I still thought it must be a one-time thing from some nutty activist. But it turns out it’s the latest bit of pandering to a bunch of far-left activists who believe that a man can become a woman if he decides to claim he’s a woman. As everybody knows, men have prostate glands. Women do not. Period. End of story. Men can get prostate cancer. Women cannot. But political activists are so eager to pretend that a man claiming to be a “trans woman” is really a woman that they are insisting that “women” be included in public health messages about the issue. This is nothing but political virtue-signaling. If you’re a man, you know which parts you have. You know that you ought to be screened. Nobody is made any safer by dragging far-left gender ideology into simple medical reality.

Every time someone tries to tighten requirements around the use of absentee ballots, I hear screams from Democrats and others on the political left that such efforts are nothing but “suppression of black voters.” These protests have never made sense to me, especially because it’s never been a secret that absentee ballot fraud goes on all the time in certain areas. (Everybody knew it when I worked in politics.) The people who engage in such fraud are rarely caught — often because the local political establishment approves of the crime — but a Democrat who won a primary election in Clay County, Alabama, last year has pleaded guilty to this sort of cheating. Terry Andrew Heflin was running for a place on the Clay County Commission. He was caught ordering seven absentee ballots in the names of various voters and sending them to his post office box — after which he used the ballots to vote absentee for himself seven time. Did he have other people cast additional fraudulent ballots? We’ll never know. But in a primary in which he was able to win with only 141 votes, it wouldn’t take many fraudulent votes to change the election. The next time you hear “civil rights activists” claim that it’s just “voter suppression” to hurt blacks which is at the root of efforts to stop this fraud, remember Terry Heflin. If you care about fair and honest elections, ballot security and voter identity should matter to you.

A state legislator in Maine has been stripped of the ability to speak in the state Legislature — and her votes are not being counted on legislative issues — all because she made a truthful social media post. Rep. Laurel Libby (R-Auburn, Maine) opposes allowing boys to compete against girls’ teams in school athletics and she’s become known for making an issue of it. On Feb. 17, she posted on Facebook about a recent example that she found outrageous. She posted side-by-side photos of a boy named John who competed last year in a state track event and won fifth place against other boys two years ago — and a photo of the same boy (now called Katie) who won first place in the same event this year against girls. Whether you find this outrageous or not, Libby is clearly being honest and truthful about the objective facts of an issue of public importance. But the state Legislature censured her. Democrats decreed that she could not speak in the House and that her votes would not count on legislation — until she apologized for the outrage of telling the truth. She refused and her constituents have been unrepresented in the state House since then. The people who promote this ideology are out of touch with reality and won’t rest until they force the rest of us to join them in this delusion. But even if you agree with “trans” ideology, you should be appalled at this heavy-handed attack on political speech.

The late Steve Jobs was at the center of our culture’s transition from analog to digital. He co-founded Apple Computer. He led the team that revolutionized personal computing with the first Macintosh. As CEO of Apple, he led the development of the iPhone and later the iPad. You would think the children of such a man would be surrounded by technology. But Jobs and his wife Laureen didn’t let their children use iPads. Their home had few screens of any kind. Even though Jobs spent most of his time developing and selling Macs and iPhones and iPads, he was home with his wife and children for dinner when he was in town. The family ate together at a simple wooden table in their kitchen — and there were no digital devices or focus on popular culture. Instead, he’s said to have guided his family toward deep discussions of art, philosophy and education — with no iPads to be found. If the man who guided the development of such products chose a different path for his own children, does that suggest that his digital experience taught him that children need human connection, not screens? And does it suggest the possibility that we might be better off if we made the same choice for our families?

Related Posts