We know our world must change, but we keep saying, ‘yes, but…’

By David McElroy · September 26, 2021

I know that I need to change things in my life. I need to radically change how I eat. Where I live. What I do with my time. Who I spend my time with. Who I love and hope for. I’m very clear about the changes I need to make.

But I’m the King of Excuses. I never deny that the changes need to happen. I always admit it to myself.

Yes, but…

Yes, I need to stop eating the diet that’s going to kill me, but I need to get some other things settled first. It’s just self-medication for now. I’ll change next week. Or next month.

Yes, I need to get out of the path of the looming economic and social collapse that I see coming, but I have to find someone to go with me. I have to work out a new financial plan. I’ll get around to it soon. Very soon. I promise.

We’re doing the same things collectively. Many people know that radical change is needed for our communities, cities and countries. Many are uneasy about what we fear is coming. We know something is wrong.

Yes, we absolutely have to make some major changes, but what we’re doing is so comfortable. So familiar. Maybe we shouldn’t rock the boat. Maybe the time of reckoning won’t happen in our lifetime.

You’re probably doing the same thing in your own life. You know you have to make painful decisions. You’ve dreaded them. You’ve known forever that you have to make tough choices.

Yes, but…

I was sitting in traffic on the way home the other night when I found myself angry with another driver. I don’t remember what I was so furious about. I probably called him an idiot. I felt anger and even some momentary hatred.

Then I thought of a question. What if the modern society we’ve built simply isn’t compatible with my values? What if it’s impossible to live like a normal 21st century American and to also live the way I believe I should live?

Whether you see humans as created to be what we are or you see us as having evolved to be what we are — or a combination of the two — we are not adapted for the world in which we live today.

We’re adapted for dealing with others face to face. If that driver and I had been walking or riding horses or sitting in slower-moving wagons, we would have seen each other. We probably would have been polite to one another. I probably wouldn’t have been so angry. Instead, I sat in a sealed metal container and he sat in another.

We didn’t have to deal with each other as individual humans.

We’re adapted to living in smaller groups and communities and cities. We’re more likely to treat each other respectfully — or at least decently — if we’re neighbors.

We’re not adapted to interacting electronically with strangers who we will never meet. When we’re online — social media, message boards, whatever — we don’t see the other person. We can be brave and arrogant warriors as we hide behind our keyboards.

When we’re online, we don’t have to see those others as real human beings who can be hurt. We can see them as idiots or fools or enemies — and they can see us the same way.

I want to live in productive harmony with a loving community. My values tell me that I have a responsibility to love others exactly as I’d like them to love me. My experience tells me that I need other in community and that I have much to offer in community with others.

But I don’t know how to live in those ways in the cities and countries and electronic spaces we’ve created for ourselves.

So I don’t end up treating people the way I believe I should. I don’t have the mutually loving connection with a community which I know we all need. And I constantly berate myself for not being the person I need to be — but I don’t know how to live my values in this modern world.

The structure and the ideas of modern culture simply won’t permit me to be what I know I ought to be. And I know I ought to change that.

Yes, but…

I know how to live as a 21st century man. This is normal to me. Everybody else around me lives that way. Hardly anybody else is talking about changing this.

So I sit in my car alone. I drive to an office 45 minutes from home. I have opinions about people online, even though I don’t know them well enough to have opinions about them. I become angry that I don’t have the things I need. I blame others for making the world what I don’t want it to be.

The truth is that I can’t change the world, but I can change my own life.

I can change who I spend time with and how I earn my living. I can pick up my worldly goods and move to somewhere that will be safer when this society collapses. I can find people who share my values and who want to live as I want to.

I can do all of these things. I know I can. But…

It’s easier to leave things the way they are. It’s easier not to explain people who wouldn’t understand if I made the changes I need to make. It’s easier than giving up on people who are never going to come along with me on a journey of self-discovery and change.

I need to make changes. Our society needs to make changes. You need to make changes. But we’re all masters of denial. Kings and Queens of Excuses.

I know we need to start making real changes and I know I ought to start making real changes. You know you need to make changes.

In our wiser moments, we do acknowledge this, but we still find a way — so far, at least — to keep saying, “yes, but…”

Note: I’ve kept my thoughts here broad, but if you’d like some more meaty discussion of what I’m talking about, please read “Building a Bridge to the 18th Century: How the Past Can Improve Our Future,” by the late Neil Postman. He was one of the most clear-headed thinkers of the late 20th century about where modern culture went wrong (and why media played a central role in it). I don’t agree with every point he made in every one of his books, but if anything can quickly open your eyes to some of what’s wrong today — and why reconnecting with the ideas of the Enlightenment can change our future for the good — it’s Postman.

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A state legislator in Maine has been stripped of the ability to speak in the state Legislature — and her votes are not being counted on legislative issues — all because she made a truthful social media post. Rep. Laurel Libby (R-Auburn, Maine) opposes allowing boys to compete against girls’ teams in school athletics and she’s become known for making an issue of it. On Feb. 17, she posted on Facebook about a recent example that she found outrageous. She posted side-by-side photos of a boy named John who competed last year in a state track event and won fifth place against other boys two years ago — and a photo of the same boy (now called Katie) who won first place in the same event this year against girls. Whether you find this outrageous or not, Libby is clearly being honest and truthful about the objective facts of an issue of public importance. But the state Legislature censured her. Democrats decreed that she could not speak in the House and that her votes would not count on legislation — until she apologized for the outrage of telling the truth. She refused and her constituents have been unrepresented in the state House since then. The people who promote this ideology are out of touch with reality and won’t rest until they force the rest of us to join them in this delusion. But even if you agree with “trans” ideology, you should be appalled at this heavy-handed attack on political speech.

The late Steve Jobs was at the center of our culture’s transition from analog to digital. He co-founded Apple Computer. He led the team that revolutionized personal computing with the first Macintosh. As CEO of Apple, he led the development of the iPhone and later the iPad. You would think the children of such a man would be surrounded by technology. But Jobs and his wife Laureen didn’t let their children use iPads. Their home had few screens of any kind. Even though Jobs spent most of his time developing and selling Macs and iPhones and iPads, he was home with his wife and children for dinner when he was in town. The family ate together at a simple wooden table in their kitchen — and there were no digital devices or focus on popular culture. Instead, he’s said to have guided his family toward deep discussions of art, philosophy and education — with no iPads to be found. If the man who guided the development of such products chose a different path for his own children, does that suggest that his digital experience taught him that children need human connection, not screens? And does it suggest the possibility that we might be better off if we made the same choice for our families?

For four years, Donald Trump’s supporters screamed that everything that went wrong was the fault of Joe Biden. They were sometimes right and they were sometimes delusional. (Anybody who knows me understands that I can’t stand Biden any more than I can stand Trump, just for different reasons.) But for two months, Trump has rampaged through U.S. political life — vandalizing pretty much everything in sight — and the vast majority of his supporters are silent at best. Many watch as he blows up the world economy and they make excuses for him. They’re in absolute denial, even about things that Trump is doing very intentionally. Anybody who understands economics and history knows that tariffs are a terrible idea from a pragmatic point of view. Anybody who values individual freedom knows that tariffs are massive taxes on individuals — and they’re a tool of political control over the ability of people to trade freely. Trump is the antithesis of everything which political conservatives stood for just a few years ago. It’s far past time for people who claim to be conservatives to reclaim the principles and values which they used to claim — and stop this mad man before he can accelerate the day when we experience economic and social collapse. Open your eyes to reality and reject this lying narcissist.

On a live awards show Sunday night, one man made a joke about a female celebrity. The husband of the celebrity was offended and hit the man who made the joke. Or maybe it was staged for entertainment. Who knows? Who cares? Social media is full of discussion — and even arguments — about this idiocy today. This baffles me. Let’s assume for a moment that the event happened as reported. People have been having such idiotic fights ever since there have been humans. Half the bars in the world see such brief dustups regularly. It simply doesn’t matter. The fact that so many people believe they need to talk about this — or even need to have opinions about it — is more evidence of the bizarre media brainwashing that convinces many to care passionately about brain-dead trivia. Your life will be happier and saner if you focus on yourself, your family and your friends, not on whatever scripted (or spontaneous) bilge that the media wants to pipe into your home.

I’m in the middle of migrating this website to new servers this week. This means you might encounter some unexpected behavior until I get all the bugs worked out. Clicking on my links (including this one) might cause your browser to give you the message that it’s a site without a current security certificate. It’s not actually unsafe, but there’s something which isn’t yet set up for the security certificate. I apologize for any such errors you might encounter while the process is going on. If you notice any problems with content which didn’t migrate properly, I would appreciate you letting me know the details at davidmcelroy@mac.com. Thanks for your patience.

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