• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to secondary sidebar
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

  • About
  • Podcasts

Creative process can be very ugly, but I need to share mine with you

By David McElroy · January 13, 2022

On Dec. 10, 2004, a small film crew gathered at 6:30 in the morning for the first day of shooting on a short film. It was only a three-day shoot — with some pickup shots on a fourth day — but everything was planned in detail.

For more than a year, I had struggled to take the germ of an idea and turn it into a film. I had recruited someone I knew in local video production to help me find a crew. Some of the people we recruited were fantastic and some turned out to be nightmares to work with. Some did their jobs and others were dumped along the way.

The process was really ugly at times.

I didn’t know how to write a script. I had to figure out how to structure something entirely different from what I’d ever written before. I had to trust production people who I barely knew. And I couldn’t afford to get better people (or paid actors) because I had a grand total budget of only $8,500.

The three full days of production were hard work. A lot of things didn’t go right. There were times when we hadn’t yet found the actors to stand in shots for the scenes that we were driving to a location to film at that moment. And I was always painfully conscious that I didn’t know enough about what I was doing. I got so stressed out toward the end of the first shooting day that I pulled the director of photography into a room privately and said, “I’m so stressed that I’ve forgotten what we’re about to do. Please help me here.”

But in the end, I made a modest short film that I’m proud of. It won a handful of awards and was shown at 25 film festivals in five countries. What I’ve realized lately is that the ugly creative process is just as important as the final film — and it’s time for me to open parts of my process to you.

If I’m going to be serious about changing my life — and becoming the artist I need to be — I’m going to have to show you the ugly parts of the process that I hope will create my films of the future. So here’s what I’m working on.

Although I would love to jump straight to a feature film, I don’t think I’m ready for that. Not only is a longer film far more difficult, but the budget required to do it is much larger. And even though I don’t know where I’m going to get the money to make these shorts, that’s part of the scary process that I’ll have to work through.

Here are the two films I’m most interested in doing right now:

— The first is a dramatization of a near-death experience that my mother had when she was young. I’ve told this story before, but as she laid in a hospital bed — close to death — she had an experience during which she met Jesus. Right before she touched his hand to go with him, he drew back and told her she had to go back to this world. And there was a very special reason that relates to me.

I’d like to tell the story of a mother sharing her experience with her little boy and then show the scenes of the experience as she tells him the story.

I’ve gotten very interested in near-death experiences in the last few years, and that has awakened my interest in this story that my mother told me several times when I was young. (Honestly, I didn’t think much about it back then.) I suspect other near-death experiencers will identify with her story — and many others will identify with her experience with me as a child.

— The second film is an idea that I’ve worked on here and there for at least five or six years. It’s about the effect that social media is having on our culture and it’s told through looking at some fairly abstract archetypes of social media users. All of these users live in the same apartment building and that building is representative of our culture as a whole.

This is a far more difficult film to pull off, because I envision it as very stylistic more than realistic. I have a strong understanding of the concept of what I want — and even the way I want it to feel — but I don’t know enough to pull off much of what I want it to be.

I can envision the look and feel, but I don’t know if I can explain them well enough for a director of photography and a set designer to pull off, especially on a limited budget. I know what I want the soundtrack to sound like — with overlapping voices droning on, everybody talking and nobody listening — but I don’t know whether I can explain it well enough for a sound designer to create.

This idea means a lot to me — and it mirrors my own experience with social media — but I worry about whether I have the skill to pull the idea off. And that has kept me running away from the idea time after time for years now.

I have other film ideas that are important to me — including one inspired by my relationship with my father — but these are the two that I’ve chosen to pursue for now.

When I started work on the script that would become “We’re the Government — and You’re Not,” I had little understanding of how much I didn’t yet know. That experience taught me a lot. It made me feel as though I was ready to do it again, but it also taught me how much I still had to learn.

For me to plan to make either of these short films requires that I assume I’ll be able to struggle through a process of learning and figuring things out. It requires that I have faith that I’ll learn what I have to learn along the way — and that I will somehow produce films that I don’t currently feel capable of making.

I’ve decided to share this with you — those of you who might be interested — because I’ve learned how much the process of art-making is embedded in the final product. (I talked about this in some audio I posted last weekend.)

Even after I realized that, though, it wasn’t until later this week when I decided to share this much of the nitty-gritty with you. And it’s all because of something that I heard Seth Godin say about the Beatles.

In a podcast episode earlier this month, Godin talked about creative lessons that we can learn from the new Beatles documentary called “Get Back.” If you haven’t seen the documentary, it consists of work the band did over a period of three weeks as they wrote songs for an album they were about to perform live.

When the four Beatles start preparations, they don’t have anything written, so we get to watch them as they work. We see the process they go through — and how the four worked in very different ways. Even though I had seen much of the documentary, I hadn’t noticed these differences until Godin pointed them out.

At one point in his discussion of the documentary, Godin points out the differences between Paul McCartney’s process and George Harrison’s process. McCartney was willing to play bits and pieces of songs that were really, really bad at that point — and then work them out in real time in front of the others.

Harrison was very different. He didn’t want to present a song to his bandmates until it was finished and “perfect.” And when he did present it, he was insecure, saying that it probably wasn’t very good.

I’ve always been like Harrison. I haven’t wanted anybody to see my work until it was polished and perfect. And if the work couldn’t be perfect, I didn’t want anybody to ever see it. I hid what I was doing and thought that I must not be very talented if I didn’t effortlessly turn out flawless work the very first time I tried.

Godin says this is a big part of the reason that we see McCartney as a creative genius and we sometimes forget that Harrison wrote some of the Beatles’ best songs.

McCartney had a process — one which allowed others to listen to him as he spun out work that was terrible to start — which he stuck with long enough to do it over and over, resulting in great songs.

Harrison had a process which required him to hide from everybody until he could get something as close to perfect as possible before he even showed what he was working on. He was uncomfortable with others seeing his work in process.

I need to be more like McCartney and less like Harrison. I need to accept that sharing my process — and my struggles to get past the stage at which things seem terrible — is part of what will get me to where I need to go.

Part of the reason I’m scared to share my process is that I’m afraid to admit that I want to make a project — and my fear is that I’ll be embarrassed if I end up not being able to do what I say I want to do. That’s why it’s so difficult for me to share with you what I’m working on.

I don’t want a year to pass and for you to say, “Hey, he said he was going to make this film, but he didn’t do it. He must not be very good after all.” As I talked about in what I posted this past weekend, I have to get past my fear of what you are going to think.

So this is the early part of my process for a new film. I can’t say for sure which it will be. I have no idea where I’ll get to money to pay a cast and crew. And I have no idea how much I have yet to learn to overcome all the problems that stand between me and the finished film.

But when I started shooting that short film in 2004, I didn’t know what I was doing, either. But I did it — and I did it because a woman wanted me to do it.

Some of you might have heard me tell this story, but I had met a brilliant and creative young woman who I was interested in dating. She was fascinated with me and she was very taken with my interest in filmmaking. In fact, I ended up letting her read two scripts I’d written — and I let her choose which one to make.

I made that short because she inspired me to. She believed in me — and I wanted her to keep believing in me. She and I had a bumpy relationship, but one of my proudest moments was when I was able to take her to a film festival showing the film. I was able to say, “Here’s what I’ve done. I made this for you.”

The process of making that modest short was ugly. The end result wasn’t perfect. (I have pages of detailed notes of all the things wrong with it.) But the film got made. A lot of people liked it and shared it with their friends. And it was a big advance for me artistically.

It’s time for me to take another big step artistically. I’ve been hiding too long. And if the process is important — even if it’s ugly — I’m here to share some of it with you.

Share on Social Networks

Related Posts

  • My mother was more impressive than my father led me to believe
  • Israeli-Palestinian conflict can’t be reduced to heroes and villains
  • No loneliness is worse than being with people, but not a specific one

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Primary Sidebar

My Instagram

It was too cloudy last night for me to take a phot It was too cloudy last night for me to take a photo of the lunar eclipse, so I missed the beautiful red image that I saw from others. But the sky overhead tonight is crystal clear — and the moon seemed especially bright — so I snapped a shot anyway. I don’t really have the right lens for this since I have to blow it up massively when I shoot at 240mm. Surprisingly, this image was made at 1/250th of a second at f/6.3 and ISO 250. I’d like to have a longer lens for such a shot, but it’s not worth the money since I’d rarely use it. #nature #naturephotography #sky #moon
The aftermath of sunset looked soft and pastel Tue The aftermath of sunset looked soft and pastel Tuesday evening. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I didn’t have my “real camera” with me, but I didn’t have my “real camera” with me, but the iPhone gives you a sense of how colorful the sky was just a moment ago right before the sun slipped beneath the horizon. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
The Saturday evening sunset punches through the he The Saturday evening sunset punches through the heavy clouds sitting just over the horizon, just enough to create a spectacular orange show as the world spins toward another night of darkness. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
This was sunset just east of Birmingham Wednesday This was sunset just east of Birmingham Wednesday evening behind the restaurant where I had dinner. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
One of the best things about this time of year is One of the best things about this time of year is that I see far more sunsets since they occur later in the evening. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I caught just the very end of sunset through the t I caught just the very end of sunset through the trees behind the restaurant where I’m eating Tuesday evening. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
One of the things I really enjoy about spring is h One of the things I really enjoy about spring is having sunsets later in the evening. Here’s the one I just watched while I was at dinner. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I just caught the very end of sunset, but I loved I just caught the very end of sunset, but I loved how the fading colors looked behind the evening clouds. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
Follow on Instagram

Critter Instagram

For “throwback Thursday, let me introduce you to For “throwback Thursday, let me introduce you to Sam. In 2009, I took in a young feral cat who I named for the early American revolutionary Samuel Adams. He was one of the most confident — downright arrogant, in fact — cats I’ve ever been around. He had an amazing personality and I immediately loved him. He was no more than 8 or 9 months old when he suddenly died for reasons that my vet couldn’t explain. Even though I had him only a short time, he was one of my all-time favorites. #tbt #cats #tabby #feral #birmingham #alabama
I’ve never been as curious about what a cat migh I’ve never been as curious about what a cat might be thinking as I constantly am about Merlin. As I watch him sitting here on the edge of my desk late Wednesday night, I can’t help but conclude he’s a very deep thinker. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Lucy has been happily rolling around in the freshl Lucy has been happily rolling around in the freshly cut grass of the back yard Wednesday evening. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
Thomas believes that he is the Most Interesting Ca Thomas believes that he is the Most Interesting Cat in the World — and I can’t say he’s wrong tonight. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Merlin is ready for me to turn the last of the off Merlin is ready for me to turn the last of the office lights off so he and Thomas can sleep peacefully without me muttering to myself as I write. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Lucy just finished a Neighborhood Watch patrol and Lucy just finished a Neighborhood Watch patrol and now she’s cooling off in the back yard before heading inside for dinner. Her work is never done. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
Except when he’s asleep, Thomas always looks as Except when he’s asleep, Thomas always looks as though he’s on high alert and ready to run away from danger. His feral early years still dominate his internal programming. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Lucy just finished her last walk of the day, but s Lucy just finished her last walk of the day, but she still wants more attention. She’s sitting in front of me looking expectantly. She seems certain that we will go outside for one more adventure if she’s persistent enough. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
My favorite photos of Merlin tend to be those — My favorite photos of Merlin tend to be those — such as this one — in which he seems to be contemplating difficult issues. Feline philosophy or quantum physics or something else that he figures I wouldn’t understand. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama #caturday
Follow on Instagram

Contact David

David likes email, but can’t reply to every message. I get a surprisingly large number of requests for relationship advice — seriously — but time doesn’t permit a response to all of them. (Sorry.)

Subscribe

Enter your address to receive notifications by email every time new articles are posted. Then click “Subscribe.”

Donations

If you enjoy this site and want to help, click here. All donations are appreciated, no matter how large or small. (PayPal often doesn’t identify donors, so I might not be able to thank you directly.)




Search

Archives

Secondary Sidebar

Briefly

On a live awards show Sunday night, one man made a joke about a female celebrity. The husband of the celebrity was offended and hit the man who made the joke. Or maybe it was staged for entertainment. Who knows? Who cares? Social media is full of discussion — and even arguments — about this idiocy today. This baffles me. Let’s assume for a moment that the event happened as reported. People have been having such idiotic fights ever since there have been humans. Half the bars in the world see such brief dustups regularly. It simply doesn’t matter. The fact that so many people believe they need to talk about this — or even need to have opinions about it — is more evidence of the bizarre media brainwashing that convinces many to care passionately about brain-dead trivia. Your life will be happier and saner if you focus on yourself, your family and your friends, not on whatever scripted (or spontaneous) bilge that the media wants to pipe into your home.

I’m in the middle of migrating this website to new servers this week. This means you might encounter some unexpected behavior until I get all the bugs worked out. Clicking on my links (including this one) might cause your browser to give you the message that it’s a site without a current security certificate. It’s not actually unsafe, but there’s something which isn’t yet set up for the security certificate. I apologize for any such errors you might encounter while the process is going on. If you notice any problems with content which didn’t migrate properly, I would appreciate you letting me know the details at davidmcelroy@mac.com. Thanks for your patience.

I often wonder what animals think when they look at us and consider the society we’ve created. Yes, I know this is fanciful and unrealistic, but what if they could? Would they be astounded at how we treat each other? Would they be disgusted by the ugliness and pettiness which fill so many of our daily interactions? The truth is that I’m feeling pretty disgusted with humanity tonight. I made the mistake of reading some online interactions that I should have avoided — and it sickened me. The people involved appeared to be vile and stupid and arrogant. I wish I could pretend they’re a tiny minority, but I know better. It’s times such as this when I most need to escape much of “civilization” and disconnect from their world. If humans are going to be worthy of “ruling this planet,” we have a lot of growth to do. And I fear that growth is nowhere in sight. So my buddy Thomas, above, and all of his friends would be right to judge us harshly — and to think, “Why do you folks get to be in charge?”

I should have expected this, but I honestly didn’t. The article I wrote last week about disagreements over treatment for autistic children brought me angry emails. You could almost call it “hate mail.” Of the five emails about it so far, two have been to tell me that I’m wrong to even listen to critics of the most popular therapy for autistic children — and the other three tell me I’m wrong for not condemning the treatment as the “obvious” abuse it is. If you read the article, you know I didn’t take a position on the issue, because I simply don’t know enough to have an opinion. But by talking about the issue, I stepped into a heated controversy. The emails from the two sides convinced me of nothing. But they did give me even more empathy for the unfortunate parents who have to figure out for themselves where the truth lies for their children.

Have you ever had what you thought was a new idea — and then discovered that “old you” had the same idea years ago? I had that experience tonight. And it’s been wonderful. I came up with an idea tonight for a very short satirical film that would be a promotion for a fictitious college. The point is to make the college promote — as good things — everything which is actually terrible about most modern colleges. Then I remembered a fake college that I invented back when I was in college. I had created student recruitment brochures and various newsletters back then, so I decided to call my “new” college by the same name I’d invented years ago: Ochita College. As I searched my computer for any old material I might still have about Ochita from the past, I discovered an email I sent to someone in 2009 — outlining essentially the same idea which I came up with tonight. Since I didn’t remember writing that, it felt like magic. So my next film project just might be this one instead. If all goes well, you might soon see “Ochita College: Your Future Starts Here.” This should be fun.

Read More

Crass Capitalism

Before you buy anything from Amazon, please click on this ad. I’ll get a tiny commission, but it won’t cost you a nickel extra. The cats and I thank you. (If you’re using an ad-blocker and can’t see the ad, you can click here instead.)

© 2011–2022 · All Rights Reserved
Built by: 1955 DESIGN