Certainty leaves us unwilling to change beliefs when we’re wrong

By David McElroy · May 1, 2022

I’ve probably been wrong more often than anybody I know.

I like to think that’s simply because I know my own thoughts. I know all the times when I’ve come to a firm conclusion about something — only to be forced to change what I believe as I learn more and gain more wisdom.

Maybe a lot of other people feel the same inside. Maybe they’ve seen themselves take dogmatic positions and then had to admit — at least to themselves — that they were wrong.

I fear, though, that most people believe they’ve rarely been wrong. At least about the “big things.”

I have a feeling that most people believe they were taught the truth early in life — because they happened to be born into the only group which was right — or else they broke away from whatever they were taught as children. Those in that second group seem to believe that whatever they decided to believe at that point in life is the truth.

Most people seem to believe they have life figured out. Most have little interest in understanding why other people see reality differently than they do. Even those who want to be honest and consistent in their beliefs resist change, because pride leaves us afraid to change when we discover we’ve been wrong.

I know what that feels like. That’s the way I lived for years. I was rarely wrong — in my own mind — because I rarely changed what I believed. One of the hardest things I ever learned is that growth and wisdom required me to accept that I’ve been wrong about much of what I’ve believed.

What’s more, I’m still wrong about some of the things I believe. I simply don’t know yet which of my beliefs are wrong.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t try to determine what’s true. I’m not suggesting there aren’t values and truths which aren’t worthy of defending. I’m not even saying there’s no such thing as objective truth.

All I’m saying is that there’s no reasonable chance that I’ve correctly discovered all objective truth. (And there’s no reasonable chance you’ve discovered truth about everything, either.) That doesn’t mean we should stop trying to determine the truth. It doesn’t mean we shouldn’t push back against ideas which we believe are wrong or evil.

But it does mean we have to be honest with ourselves. It means we have to stop letting our pride get in the way when facts or reason show us we’ve been wrong. It means we have to be more committed to The Truth — whatever it is — than we are to defending whatever we’ve been taught or that we’ve decided to believe.

For me, this means that I will explain my ideas and beliefs as clearly as I can, but if someone is genuinely able to show me the errors in my thinking, I have to be grateful, not angry or in denial.

I’ve had to change my beliefs about so many things over the years. A lot of what I was taught as a child was wrong or incomplete. I’ve found myself wrong over the years about things which I never consciously decided — things I just absorbed from my culture or family. At other times, I’ve had to repeatedly modify things I’ve changed as I found new ways of seeing and interpreting my experiences.

When I was a teen-ager, I thought I had everything figured out about theology and politics and culture. I wasn’t mature enough to realize that I had simply absorbed everything I was told by my family and church and culture.

What my family believed was right. What my country practiced was moral and good. What my culture believed was best for everyone. And what my church taught was the truth about everything.

But reality is far more complicated than that. As time went on, I found errors and contradictions in things I’d been taught. I discovered factual inputs which completely changed my perspective on many things which had seemed settled and decided to me back then.

Eventually, I had to say to myself, “This is what I believe to be truth right now, but I trust God and reason and my experience to show me where I’m wrong.”

That’s not always easy. There have been times when I’ve had to reject cherished beliefs and tell people that I’ve been wrong. But the more often I practice this — and the more often I set aside my ego — the easier it is.

I still don’t like to be wrong. There are times when my ego still tries to stop me from being intellectually honest. But there’s a lot more peace about living this way, even though I know I’ll still have to face additional errors in the future. I’ve gotten to the point that I’d rather say, “I strongly believe that I’m right about this, but it’s possible I’ll turn out to be wrong.”

And that’s still not always easy.

As a Christian, I believe deeply in the concept of redemption, but I think we have looked at redemption far too narrowly. Redemption isn’t only the process of God saving a creature — in the afterlife — who he’s made and who he loves. Redemption is about that creature bringing himself into alignment with all truth.

Aligning with truth has required me to find a lot of things which I didn’t intend to find. It’s required me to change myself in all sorts of ways. It’s required me to quiet my ego and to pursue honesty and love at times when it didn’t seem convenient.

I don’t yet understand all truth. I doubt I ever will in this lifetime. But wherever I find truth — no matter what I had previously believed — that’s where I find God.

Because God is the author of all truth and all love. And bringing myself into alignment with God in all of these ways — in love and in truth — is a work of redemption which I’ll still be completing on the day that I die.

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On a live awards show Sunday night, one man made a joke about a female celebrity. The husband of the celebrity was offended and hit the man who made the joke. Or maybe it was staged for entertainment. Who knows? Who cares? Social media is full of discussion — and even arguments — about this idiocy today. This baffles me. Let’s assume for a moment that the event happened as reported. People have been having such idiotic fights ever since there have been humans. Half the bars in the world see such brief dustups regularly. It simply doesn’t matter. The fact that so many people believe they need to talk about this — or even need to have opinions about it — is more evidence of the bizarre media brainwashing that convinces many to care passionately about brain-dead trivia. Your life will be happier and saner if you focus on yourself, your family and your friends, not on whatever scripted (or spontaneous) bilge that the media wants to pipe into your home.

I’m in the middle of migrating this website to new servers this week. This means you might encounter some unexpected behavior until I get all the bugs worked out. Clicking on my links (including this one) might cause your browser to give you the message that it’s a site without a current security certificate. It’s not actually unsafe, but there’s something which isn’t yet set up for the security certificate. I apologize for any such errors you might encounter while the process is going on. If you notice any problems with content which didn’t migrate properly, I would appreciate you letting me know the details at davidmcelroy@mac.com. Thanks for your patience.

I often wonder what animals think when they look at us and consider the society we’ve created. Yes, I know this is fanciful and unrealistic, but what if they could? Would they be astounded at how we treat each other? Would they be disgusted by the ugliness and pettiness which fill so many of our daily interactions? The truth is that I’m feeling pretty disgusted with humanity tonight. I made the mistake of reading some online interactions that I should have avoided — and it sickened me. The people involved appeared to be vile and stupid and arrogant. I wish I could pretend they’re a tiny minority, but I know better. It’s times such as this when I most need to escape much of “civilization” and disconnect from their world. If humans are going to be worthy of “ruling this planet,” we have a lot of growth to do. And I fear that growth is nowhere in sight. So my buddy Thomas, above, and all of his friends would be right to judge us harshly — and to think, “Why do you folks get to be in charge?”

I should have expected this, but I honestly didn’t. The article I wrote last week about disagreements over treatment for autistic children brought me angry emails. You could almost call it “hate mail.” Of the five emails about it so far, two have been to tell me that I’m wrong to even listen to critics of the most popular therapy for autistic children — and the other three tell me I’m wrong for not condemning the treatment as the “obvious” abuse it is. If you read the article, you know I didn’t take a position on the issue, because I simply don’t know enough to have an opinion. But by talking about the issue, I stepped into a heated controversy. The emails from the two sides convinced me of nothing. But they did give me even more empathy for the unfortunate parents who have to figure out for themselves where the truth lies for their children.

Have you ever had what you thought was a new idea — and then discovered that “old you” had the same idea years ago? I had that experience tonight. And it’s been wonderful. I came up with an idea tonight for a very short satirical film that would be a promotion for a fictitious college. The point is to make the college promote — as good things — everything which is actually terrible about most modern colleges. Then I remembered a fake college that I invented back when I was in college. I had created student recruitment brochures and various newsletters back then, so I decided to call my “new” college by the same name I’d invented years ago: Ochita College. As I searched my computer for any old material I might still have about Ochita from the past, I discovered an email I sent to someone in 2009 — outlining essentially the same idea which I came up with tonight. Since I didn’t remember writing that, it felt like magic. So my next film project just might be this one instead. If all goes well, you might soon see “Ochita College: Your Future Starts Here.” This should be fun.

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