Shingle reminds me what it felt like for someone to believe in me

By David McElroy · July 10, 2022

I still remember getting the package in the mail. It was about 14 or 15 years ago and the package was from a girlfriend who lived in another state.

She had decided that I would be a great “life coach” and she had been encouraging me to pursue that as a new career. To dramatize the advice, she found a roofing shingle and made the sign you see above. It had a cord on the top with which I could hang it.

“It’s time for you to hang out your shingle as a life coach,” the note that came with it read.

I hadn’t seen this little shingle for a long time. I guess I didn’t even remember that I had it. But as I looked for something in a drawer stuffed with mementos from the past, I found it tonight. And just as it did when it arrived in the mail almost 15 years ago, it made me feel good about myself all over again.

I don’t have any interest in being a life coach. I have no idea whether I would be any good at it or not. I’ve always been able to give other people much better advice than I can follow myself, so maybe I’d be a natural. I don’t know. That’s not really the point.

Lydia believed in me — and that was more important than I know how to explain. It was probably more important to me than she ever realized. Maybe it was even more important to me than I allowed myself to realize at the time.

I just knew it made me feel very good about myself. And all these years later, I can’t help but remember with longing what it felt like to have someone who believed in me that much.

I’ve had a lot of people over the years who thought I could do great things. Many people have said they had high expectations of me and similar things. But this was different. This was absolute confidence in my abilities — across a range of things, to be honest — from a woman who I knew was brilliant and competent in her own right. I valued and respected what she thought.

She loved me — and she believed that I could do pretty much anything.

She believed I could make great films. We watched a lot of movies together and often loved the same films (and also hated others). Even after she was no longer in my life, there were times when she would send me something out of the blue showing a film success by someone who she considered less talented than I was. Her message was always the same: “You’re really talented. You can be as successful as you want to be.”

I haven’t had that in my life for a long time now. And I need it now.

I miss being loved. I miss having someone to direct my own love and affection toward. I miss having someone to talk with — about big things, small things, and everything in between.

But I miss the time when a beautiful and brilliant and competent woman evaluated me as a man and said, “I believe in you.”

This dirty old shingle that’s been stuck in a drawer for many years reminds me of what that feels like. And I really love the way it makes me feel. I really need to feel that all the time.

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The late Steve Jobs was at the center of our culture’s transition from analog to digital. He co-founded Apple Computer. He led the team that revolutionized personal computing with the first Macintosh. As CEO of Apple, he led the development of the iPhone and later the iPad. You would think the children of such a man would be surrounded by technology. But Jobs and his wife Laureen didn’t let their children use iPads. Their home had few screens of any kind. Even though Jobs spent most of his time developing and selling Macs and iPhones and iPads, he was home with his wife and children for dinner when he was in town. The family ate together at a simple wooden table in their kitchen — and there were no digital devices or focus on popular culture. Instead, he’s said to have guided his family toward deep discussions of art, philosophy and education — with no iPads to be found. If the man who guided the development of such products chose a different path for his own children, does that suggest that his digital experience taught him that children need human connection, not screens? And does it suggest the possibility that we might be better off if we made the same choice for our families?

For four years, Donald Trump’s supporters screamed that everything that went wrong was the fault of Joe Biden. They were sometimes right and they were sometimes delusional. (Anybody who knows me understands that I can’t stand Biden any more than I can stand Trump, just for different reasons.) But for two months, Trump has rampaged through U.S. political life — vandalizing pretty much everything in sight — and the vast majority of his supporters are silent at best. Many watch as he blows up the world economy and they make excuses for him. They’re in absolute denial, even about things that Trump is doing very intentionally. Anybody who understands economics and history knows that tariffs are a terrible idea from a pragmatic point of view. Anybody who values individual freedom knows that tariffs are massive taxes on individuals — and they’re a tool of political control over the ability of people to trade freely. Trump is the antithesis of everything which political conservatives stood for just a few years ago. It’s far past time for people who claim to be conservatives to reclaim the principles and values which they used to claim — and stop this mad man before he can accelerate the day when we experience economic and social collapse. Open your eyes to reality and reject this lying narcissist.

On a live awards show Sunday night, one man made a joke about a female celebrity. The husband of the celebrity was offended and hit the man who made the joke. Or maybe it was staged for entertainment. Who knows? Who cares? Social media is full of discussion — and even arguments — about this idiocy today. This baffles me. Let’s assume for a moment that the event happened as reported. People have been having such idiotic fights ever since there have been humans. Half the bars in the world see such brief dustups regularly. It simply doesn’t matter. The fact that so many people believe they need to talk about this — or even need to have opinions about it — is more evidence of the bizarre media brainwashing that convinces many to care passionately about brain-dead trivia. Your life will be happier and saner if you focus on yourself, your family and your friends, not on whatever scripted (or spontaneous) bilge that the media wants to pipe into your home.

I’m in the middle of migrating this website to new servers this week. This means you might encounter some unexpected behavior until I get all the bugs worked out. Clicking on my links (including this one) might cause your browser to give you the message that it’s a site without a current security certificate. It’s not actually unsafe, but there’s something which isn’t yet set up for the security certificate. I apologize for any such errors you might encounter while the process is going on. If you notice any problems with content which didn’t migrate properly, I would appreciate you letting me know the details at davidmcelroy@mac.com. Thanks for your patience.

I often wonder what animals think when they look at us and consider the society we’ve created. Yes, I know this is fanciful and unrealistic, but what if they could? Would they be astounded at how we treat each other? Would they be disgusted by the ugliness and pettiness which fill so many of our daily interactions? The truth is that I’m feeling pretty disgusted with humanity tonight. I made the mistake of reading some online interactions that I should have avoided — and it sickened me. The people involved appeared to be vile and stupid and arrogant. I wish I could pretend they’re a tiny minority, but I know better. It’s times such as this when I most need to escape much of “civilization” and disconnect from their world. If humans are going to be worthy of “ruling this planet,” we have a lot of growth to do. And I fear that growth is nowhere in sight. So my buddy Thomas, above, and all of his friends would be right to judge us harshly — and to think, “Why do you folks get to be in charge?”

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