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David McElroy

An Alien Sent to Observe the Human Race

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I keep trying to find the light, but my choices leave me in darkness

By David McElroy · April 3, 2021

I had dinner Saturday with a friend. She was already seated when I arrived.

“You look terrible,” she said, almost laughing. I didn’t disagree with her, but I was surprised it showed so easily.

I haven’t been sleeping well. When I do sleep, my dreams are often confusing. I wake up feeling as though I’ve been wrestling with something which leaves me exhausted. And I’ve been eating horribly, which makes it harder to sleep and makes me feel terrible when I’m awake. But I didn’t realize any of this showed on my face until my friend said so.

My life has felt lately as though I’m going through a dark hall of mirrors at a carnival. It’s not just a three-minute trip with a quick exit, though. I work here. I eat here and sleep here. Somehow, I’ve brought myself into a long nightmare in which things are distorted and scary — and I can’t find the exit.

When I woke up Saturday morning from another restless night, I found a note which I had made for myself at some point in the night. I don’t recall having this thought or making the note, but I make such notes in my sleep every now and then.

“Looking back on it now, I can see that she was afraid of intimacy,” I had written.

I must’ve been dreaming about her again.

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Kids’ willingness to blindly obey shows in Quebec teacher’s joke

By David McElroy · April 1, 2021

On April 1, a teacher in Quebec had a surprise for her students. She told them that the government had imposed a new rule requiring them to wear shower caps in the classroom. She told them it was an additional safety precaution.

You won’t be surprised to find out this was an April Fool’s Day joke. The gag was posted on Reddit Thursday afternoon and most people seemed to think it was quite funny. I’ll admit there’s something mildly amusing about a bunch of teen-agers wearing shower caps in class, but I couldn’t really laugh at it.

All I saw was a classroom full of young people who have been so brainwashed that they’re willing to do anything an authority figure tells them to do — in the name of their own safety.

To me, this “joke” reveals the dangers of living in the conformist bubble that we call the modern school system, where good little boys and girls learn that obedience to government is required — whether it makes sense or not.

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I don’t understand YouTube fame, but I’m drawn toward it anyway

By David McElroy · April 1, 2021

Katie and Cullen seemed like perfectly normal people when I met them six years ago.

They lived in an upscale neighborhood of a Birmingham suburb. She had been a child psychologist. He had been a software developer. But they had both left their secure, high-paying jobs. Why? They had become YouTube stars — and they were making enough money that they didn’t need jobs anymore.

I had a freelance photo assignment in March 2015 from a magazine to shoot pictures of the family for a cover story. They had nearly 100,000 subscribers on YouTube at the time and their popularity was rapidly growing. The story was all about their unlikely success.

They seemed like genuinely nice people. There was no air of pretentiousness about them. They didn’t even really seem that impressed with their sudden fame. I liked them.

But when I watched their YouTube channel — and read the comments from their adoring fans — I was absolutely baffled. I couldn’t figure out why anybody wanted to watch videos about their lives. Today, they have more than half a million subscribers to their channel, so I seem to be the odd one.

As I keep pondering whether there’s a media opportunity for me — on YouTube or something similar — I keep coming back to the puzzling realization that the public wants something which I don’t yet understand.

And how could I possibly be successful in a medium which I apparently don’t even understand?

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There was a brief splash of sunset color Saturday There was a brief splash of sunset color Saturday evening just after the sun sank beneath the western horizon. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
Every spring, I have this internal debate. Are the Every spring, I have this internal debate. Are these flowers or weeds? They’re small flowers in my yard, but I didn’t plant them. Those who think a yard should look like a manicured golf course would say they’re weeds which need to be killed. But they’re beautiful and they cost me nothing, so why wouldn’t I leave them in place and enjoy them? #nature #naturephotography #flowers #spring #birmingham #alabama
This one is unusual for me, but as I headed home l This one is unusual for me, but as I headed home late Friday night, I became fascinated by the notion that U.S. 411 near my house was a race track and the cars and trucks were all unknowing participants in a grand auto race. The service station is just a pit stop into which many pull to get fuel and then they continue their cross-country trek on nearby I-20. We just don’t have any idea who wins this race, because there are no rules.
Here’s the Sunday evening sunset from Moody, Ala Here’s the Sunday evening sunset from Moody, Ala., which is just to the east of Birmingham. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I came out of a grocery store just after 7 p.m. an I came out of a grocery store just after 7 p.m. and caught the last light of sunset from the parking lot. I’m always surprised when I see views such as this and notice that hardly anybody stops to watch the beauty as it unfolds. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I just stepped out of a restaurant about 15 minute I just stepped out of a restaurant about 15 minutes after sunset and noticed these gorgeous pastel colors fading along the horizon to the west. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
Tonight’s sunset was very soft and delicate, lik Tonight’s sunset was very soft and delicate, like something from a painting with pastels. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I am endlessly fascinated by the beauty of bare tr I am endlessly fascinated by the beauty of bare tree branches against a night sky, but my photos of such scenes never seem to quite match the loveliness of what I see in person. #nature #naturephotography #tree #night #sky #birmingham #alabama
I stopped at the Cahaba River bridge on I-459 just I stopped at the Cahaba River bridge on I-459 just south of Birmingham to catch this sunset shot on the way home from work Tuesday evening. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
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Molly has been asleep, but I just filled her water Molly has been asleep, but I just filled her water bowl, so she’s come to inspect the bowl to make sure the job I did was up to her standards. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #greeneyes #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Thomas is alertly curious late Saturday night as M Thomas is alertly curious late Saturday night as Molly looks on from his protective shadow behind him. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama #caturday
Merlin just woke up from a Saturday afternoon nap, Merlin just woke up from a Saturday afternoon nap, but the chirping spring birds outside the window have attracted his attention. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama #caturday
Molly got to lick the ice cream bowl after I was f Molly got to lick the ice cream bowl after I was finished — and she purred the entire time. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #greeneyes #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama #caturdayeve
Molly is super excited as she realizes there’s i Molly is super excited as she realizes there’s ice cream in the house — and she’ll get some if she plays her cards right. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #greeneyes #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama #caturdayeve
Thomas peeks around Molly to see if I’m trying t Thomas peeks around Molly to see if I’m trying to head his way to pick him up, too. As long as Molly is between us, he knows she’s more in danger of receiving unwanted attention than he is. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Molly wasn’t so excited to pose for a picture wi Molly wasn’t so excited to pose for a picture with me. In fact, she seems more like a death-row convict on the way to execution. She was happy when the ordeal was over. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #greeneyes #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Lucy just had dinner a moment ago, but she seems t Lucy just had dinner a moment ago, but she seems to be so stuffed that she’s already thinking about turning in for an evening nap. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
Merlin’s full attention is devoted to the birds Merlin’s full attention is devoted to the birds outside an office window, but Molly is sound asleep behind him and couldn’t care less. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
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David likes email, but can’t reply to every message. I get a surprisingly large number of requests for relationship advice — seriously — but time doesn’t permit a response to all of them. (Sorry.)

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Briefly

I received the first dose of a COVID-19 vaccine Monday — and I’m happy to report that I’m neither dead nor a zombie controlled by Bill Gates and Co. Eligibility was recently opened in Alabama to everyone who’s 16 or older, so I signed up for the Pfizer vaccine at a site run by a local university. I know this is a political issue for a lot of people, but that honestly baffles me. We can disagree about whether such a vaccine should be mandatory — which I’m against — but as a voluntary choice, it seems like an easy choice now that it’s been safely given to millions of people. Is it a perfect preventative? Of course not. But the decision seemed obvious to me when looking at the statistics and evidence. I haven’t had any of the side effects that some people have experienced, but that’s supposed to be more of an issue after the second dose, which I’ll get on May 3. In the meantime, I’ll let you know if I grow a third arm — or if the secret microchip kicks in and someone starts trying to control me remotely. All kidding aside, getting the vaccine seems like a rational voluntary choice to me.

I get a lot of email from readers. Some of it is fascinating and useful. Some of it is full of confessions that people want to share with a stranger. Some people write to ask advice. What’s really surprising, though, is the small percentage that seems to come from mentally unbalanced people. When I started using the metaphor about being an alien — the tagline at the top of each page here — it never occurred to me that I’d start hearing from people who took it seriously. But every few months, I get a strange email — such as the one above from a few months back — from someone who seems to think I’m claiming to be an actual alien. The first time it happened, I laughed. By the time it became a semi-regular thing, I was simply appalled. For the record, I can provide no proof that I’m an alien, because … well … it’s just a metaphor. I do feel like an alien among human beings, but as far as I know, I’m just as earthbound as you are. It’s just a metaphor. Honest. Or at least, that’s what my lizard-beast overlords told me to say.

After Tampa Bay, Fla., musician Colt Clark had all of his gigs canceled last year for months on end, the entire family felt trapped at home as most of the world was on quarantine lockdown. His wife, Aubree, had an idea that would let Colt make music and involve the whole family in making music videos to share with their friends and family on Facebook. Aubree is a photographer and homeschooling mom to a daughter and two sons, who range in age from 6 to 11. After their friends started asking to share the videos, they made the performances public — and a few of them are now on YouTube, where they go by the name of Colt Clark and the Quarantine Kids. The younger son, Becket, is on drums. The older boy, Cash, plays keyboards, strings and guitars. Dad supplies lead vocals and plays guitar, while 6-year-old Bellamy mostly dances but sometimes does backup vocals. There’s even a dog who makes an occasional appearance. The Clark family has just raised the bar for what I need to create with my future children. And best of all, they seem to be having a great time together. I hope they make you as happy as they make me.

Have you ever wondered how the social media world works for so-called “influencers”? I find it comical, so I thought I’d share with you. I frequently get offers such as what I’m about to describe. And if I’m getting such offers — as a relative nobody in the online world — you can only imagine what people with huge audiences are offered. It starts with an email appealing to my ego: “We came across your online presence and we LOVE your style. We’d love to have you as one of our Brand Ambassadors. To celebrate our new [Brand Name] collection, we want to give you a FREE Watch so you can post a picture of you wearing it and drive more exposure to our brand.” Did you hear that? They love me. They want me to be seen wearing their cheap $59 watch so other people will think, “If this amazing influencer wears that, surely I should buy one.” They even offer me commissions on the watches sold from people clicking from my site. So the next time you see some alleged “influencer” touting something online or on social media, remember that this is what it’s probably all about. It’s laughable.

Modern culture is going insane. The latest evidence comes from the effort to redefine children’s author Dr. Seuss as a racist whose books should be banned. Why? Because a few images in those books don’t meet modern political standards. The drawing you see here is one of those “dangerously racist images,” and it comes from the Dr. Seuss classic, “And to Think That I Saw it on Mulberry Street.” The book catalogs all the wild diversity seen by a child on one street, including the offending drawing of a Chinese boy. What’s racist about it? Apparently, it was racist to show the boy eating rice, wearing a funny hat, using chopsticks and (worst of all) having eyes represented by a slit. (The bearded man near him has dots for eyes, but that’s apparently OK.) In other words, the stereotypes are considered racist today. (Oddly, the culture warriors who fret over such things are never concerned if a white southerner is depicted as ignorant trash living in a trailer. Some stereotypes are great, especially if the left hates those people anyway.) Theodore Geisel — the name of the real-life Dr. Seuss — was a product of his time and nobody at that time would have seen any of this as racist. Using stereotypes and exaggerations is how artists depict differences in simple ways. You can argue that it’s better to achieve the end result in a different way, but it’s insane to pretend that everybody from the past should have his work erased because it doesn’t match the preferences of modern leftists. Unfortunately, the company that publishes Dr. Seuss books has caved to the insane people — and six of his popular works will no longer be published. The world has simply gone insane.

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