• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to secondary sidebar
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • YouTube

David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

  • About
  • Podcasts

change

Why do we stay in prison when there’s no lock holding us there?

By David McElroy · September 19, 2019

One of the restaurants where I go a lot lately is badly managed. I really like some of the employees and they talk with me about their frustrations quite a bit.

A few days ago, a couple of the employees had joined me at my table during their break. They were telling me the latest outrages they faced.

“Why in the world do they stay here if they’re so unhappy?” I thought to myself. I didn’t want to say that to them and sound condescending, but I was judging them for staying where they clearly didn’t want to be.

For a moment, I felt a little smug (and condescending), but then the smile disappeared from my face. In a painful flash, I saw my hypocrisy and felt really uncomfortable.

Why do people stay in places where they’re unhappy? I shouldn’t be pointing a finger at them. My smug question should be directed at myself.

Keep Reading

Related Posts

  • Midlife becomes big crisis when our self-deception stops working
  • What if other people see you or hear you differently than you do?
  • What if emotional baggage we carry isn’t really our core issue?

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: change, fear

Midlife becomes big crisis when our self-deception stops working

By David McElroy · September 9, 2019

For most of my life, I was a liar.

A more charitable person might simply say I was full of delusions. Whatever you want to call it — lies, deceptions, delusions — I was full of them. The normal rules of life didn’t apply to me. I was going to be instantly successful at whatever I tried. People were going to recognize me for the superior person I was. They were going to love me, praise me, follow me, adore me.

I believed I was special. I believed others would see that.

When I was a small boy, I used to put myself to sleep every night making up stories. I was always the hero. I saved people in trouble. Other men wanted to follow me and emulate me. All the women wanted me to choose them. One of my earliest consistent stories was of rescuing a girl from a burning building. She was a classmate on whom I had a crush. After the rescue, she adored me, of course.

I grew up. I quit fantasizing about rescuing Wendy from burning buildings.

But what I didn’t realize is that the delusions didn’t go away. They grew into bigger delusions. I was still sure I was special. That faith carried me. I didn’t know the day would come when my self-deception would all come crashing down.

Keep Reading

Related Posts

  • We’re neither friends nor enemies, just strangers who share the past
  • ‘This path leads to somewhere I think I can finally say, I’m home’
  • When love finally dies, it’s like a fever breaks and the pain is gone

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: change, love, midlife, narcissism, psychology, success

What if emotional baggage we carry isn’t really our core issue?

By David McElroy · September 2, 2019

I’m not the same person I was 15 years ago. I’m a better version of myself. I feel certain of that. But am I fooling myself?

When I was looking for an old email a few days ago, I ran across something I wrote 15 years ago. I’ve updated it a couple of times since then, but this was the first time I wrote it. It was a detailed discussion what I perceive to be my faults and flaws. I was trying to explain my negatives to a woman, because I wanted to make sure she understood what she might be getting into by dating me.

I know I’ve grown a lot since then, so I thought it should be satisfying to read this old list. It would show me how many of the items I’ve struck off because I’ve conquered them.

After I read it, I felt confused. There’s no question that I’ve experienced massive change and growth since then. But every issue I wrote about 15 years ago is still part of my life.

How could that be?

Keep Reading

Related Posts

  • We’re neither friends nor enemies, just strangers who share the past
  • Society needs storytellers to help make sense of a changing world
  • My bad teen poetry suggests I’ve always hungered for missing love

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: change, faults, psychology

  • Page 1
  • Page 2
  • Page 3
  • Interim pages omitted …
  • Page 7
  • ⪢

Primary Sidebar

My Instagram

This was the Birmingham sunset at about 8 p.m. Fri This was the Birmingham sunset at about 8 p.m. Friday. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I was in the back yard with my dog at 5:30 a.m. an I was in the back yard with my dog at 5:30 a.m. and it suddenly started getting beautifully pink and magenta in the sky beyond the trees. I didn’t have time to go get my “real” camera, but this is what my iPhone caught of the lovely little display around us. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunrise #birmingham #alabama
I tried to get Alex to pose for a portrait in the I tried to get Alex to pose for a portrait in the studio tonight, but I never figured out a way to get him to look at the camera. He was fascinated by the studio, though, and he purred the whole time. This was the place where I took the first photos of him on the night I captured him when he was a feral kitten. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
I apparently have way too much time on my hands. I I apparently have way too much time on my hands. I’ll let you know if any of the toy companies agree to pick this up as a featured toy for the upcoming Christmas season. Thanks, ChatGPT. 😺
Thunderstorms are just starting here, so I stopped Thunderstorms are just starting here, so I stopped on the way home — about a mile from my house — for some dramatic lightning photos. #nature #naturephotography #sky #lightning #night #thunderstorms #birmingham #alabama
This was the Friday evening sunset near my house a This was the Friday evening sunset near my house about half an hour ago. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
Lucy and I are taking her last walk of the day and Lucy and I are taking her last walk of the day and it’s just starting to rain lightly. The misting rain and low-lying fog that diffused the light from nearby street lamps give the night a magical feeling.
It seems as though the trees turned bare of their It seems as though the trees turned bare of their leaves almost overnight when I wasn’t paying attention. This is part of the neighborhood route that Lucy and I walk every night. #nature #naturephotography #sky #nightsky #iphone #birmingham #alabama
I love the way the sky looks over our heads tonigh I love the way the sky looks over our heads tonight as Lucy patrols the neighborhood for her final rounds of the day. #nature #naturephotography #sky #nightsky #clouds #iphone #birmingham #alabama
Follow on Instagram

Critter Instagram

Sam has actually gotten out of his bed for a few m Sam has actually gotten out of his bed for a few minutes early Friday afternoon, but I’m betting he’ll be back in the bed soon. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #blackcat #blackcats #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Just after sunrise Friday morning, Alex and Sam ar Just after sunrise Friday morning, Alex and Sam are sharing the cat bed on my desk. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Alex loves to chase a fabric mouse more than any o Alex loves to chase a fabric mouse more than any of the other games I play with him. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Sam is curled up into a little circle on the cat b Sam is curled up into a little circle on the cat bed on my desk late Thursday night. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #blackcat #blackcats #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
For “throwback Thursday,” here’s Thomas from For “throwback Thursday,” here’s Thomas from almost two years ago. He was already an old man who was declining rapidly by this point and I lost him a couple of months later. He was still handsome and distinguished all the way to the end. Thomas had been a feral adult when I took him in, so it was a long journey for him to be as happy and relaxed as he was for his last few years. #tbt #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Just before midnight, Sam has been watching cars d Just before midnight, Sam has been watching cars drive in front of the house and generally keeping an eye on the neighborhood. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #blackcat #blackcats #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Although Oliver was alert and watching the neighbo Although Oliver was alert and watching the neighborhood when I got home, Alex was being his usual lazy self as he snoozed in the cat bed on top of my desk. He didn’t seem inclined to wake up to greet me this time. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
When I got back home a few minutes ago, Oliver was When I got back home a few minutes ago, Oliver was on Neighborhood Watch on the end of my desk right next to a window. He hadn’t been vigilant for the entire time I was gone, though, because I got notifications about an hour ago that all of my Internet-connected devices were offline. It turned out that one of the cats had unplugged the router, but I can’t tell which one of them is the guilty party. Nobody will admit to anything. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Alex was still playing when I left the house Wedne Alex was still playing when I left the house Wednesday afternoon. As I walked out of the bedroom, he tried to swipe at my arm. He’s a sneaky boy. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Follow on Instagram

Contact David

David likes email, but can’t reply to every message. I get a surprisingly large number of requests for relationship advice — seriously — but time doesn’t permit a response to all of them. (Sorry.)

Subscribe

Enter your address to receive notifications by email every time new articles are posted. Then click “Subscribe.”

Search

Donations

If you enjoy this site and want to help, click here. All donations are appreciated, no matter how large or small. (PayPal often doesn’t identify donors, so I might not be able to thank you directly.)




Archives

Secondary Sidebar

Briefly

Every time someone tries to tighten requirements around the use of absentee ballots, I hear screams from Democrats and others on the political left that such efforts are nothing but “suppression of black voters.” These protests have never made sense to me, especially because it’s never been a secret that absentee ballot fraud goes on all the time in certain areas. (Everybody knew it when I worked in politics.) The people who engage in such fraud are rarely caught — often because the local political establishment approves of the crime — but a Democrat who won a primary election in Clay County, Alabama, last year has pleaded guilty to this sort of cheating. Terry Andrew Heflin was running for a place on the Clay County Commission. He was caught ordering seven absentee ballots in the names of various voters and sending them to his post office box — after which he used the ballots to vote absentee for himself seven time. Did he have other people cast additional fraudulent ballots? We’ll never know. But in a primary in which he was able to win with only 141 votes, it wouldn’t take many fraudulent votes to change the election. The next time you hear “civil rights activists” claim that it’s just “voter suppression” to hurt blacks which is at the root of efforts to stop this fraud, remember Terry Heflin. If you care about fair and honest elections, ballot security and voter identity should matter to you.

A state legislator in Maine has been stripped of the ability to speak in the state Legislature — and her votes are not being counted on legislative issues — all because she made a truthful social media post. Rep. Laurel Libby (R-Auburn, Maine) opposes allowing boys to compete against girls’ teams in school athletics and she’s become known for making an issue of it. On Feb. 17, she posted on Facebook about a recent example that she found outrageous. She posted side-by-side photos of a boy named John who competed last year in a state track event and won fifth place against other boys two years ago — and a photo of the same boy (now called Katie) who won first place in the same event this year against girls. Whether you find this outrageous or not, Libby is clearly being honest and truthful about the objective facts of an issue of public importance. But the state Legislature censured her. Democrats decreed that she could not speak in the House and that her votes would not count on legislation — until she apologized for the outrage of telling the truth. She refused and her constituents have been unrepresented in the state House since then. The people who promote this ideology are out of touch with reality and won’t rest until they force the rest of us to join them in this delusion. But even if you agree with “trans” ideology, you should be appalled at this heavy-handed attack on political speech.

The late Steve Jobs was at the center of our culture’s transition from analog to digital. He co-founded Apple Computer. He led the team that revolutionized personal computing with the first Macintosh. As CEO of Apple, he led the development of the iPhone and later the iPad. You would think the children of such a man would be surrounded by technology. But Jobs and his wife Laureen didn’t let their children use iPads. Their home had few screens of any kind. Even though Jobs spent most of his time developing and selling Macs and iPhones and iPads, he was home with his wife and children for dinner when he was in town. The family ate together at a simple wooden table in their kitchen — and there were no digital devices or focus on popular culture. Instead, he’s said to have guided his family toward deep discussions of art, philosophy and education — with no iPads to be found. If the man who guided the development of such products chose a different path for his own children, does that suggest that his digital experience taught him that children need human connection, not screens? And does it suggest the possibility that we might be better off if we made the same choice for our families?

For four years, Donald Trump’s supporters screamed that everything that went wrong was the fault of Joe Biden. They were sometimes right and they were sometimes delusional. (Anybody who knows me understands that I can’t stand Biden any more than I can stand Trump, just for different reasons.) But for two months, Trump has rampaged through U.S. political life — vandalizing pretty much everything in sight — and the vast majority of his supporters are silent at best. Many watch as he blows up the world economy and they make excuses for him. They’re in absolute denial, even about things that Trump is doing very intentionally. Anybody who understands economics and history knows that tariffs are a terrible idea from a pragmatic point of view. Anybody who values individual freedom knows that tariffs are massive taxes on individuals — and they’re a tool of political control over the ability of people to trade freely. Trump is the antithesis of everything which political conservatives stood for just a few years ago. It’s far past time for people who claim to be conservatives to reclaim the principles and values which they used to claim — and stop this mad man before he can accelerate the day when we experience economic and social collapse. Open your eyes to reality and reject this lying narcissist.

On a live awards show Sunday night, one man made a joke about a female celebrity. The husband of the celebrity was offended and hit the man who made the joke. Or maybe it was staged for entertainment. Who knows? Who cares? Social media is full of discussion — and even arguments — about this idiocy today. This baffles me. Let’s assume for a moment that the event happened as reported. People have been having such idiotic fights ever since there have been humans. Half the bars in the world see such brief dustups regularly. It simply doesn’t matter. The fact that so many people believe they need to talk about this — or even need to have opinions about it — is more evidence of the bizarre media brainwashing that convinces many to care passionately about brain-dead trivia. Your life will be happier and saner if you focus on yourself, your family and your friends, not on whatever scripted (or spontaneous) bilge that the media wants to pipe into your home.

Read More

Crass Capitalism

Before you buy anything from Amazon, please click on this link. I’ll get a tiny commission, but it won’t cost you a nickel extra. The cats and Lucy will thank you. And so will I.

© 2011–2025 · All Rights Reserved
Built by: 1955 DESIGN