David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

faith

I often need to remind myself what I still believe to be true

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I believe in things I can’t even see.

I believe in the wind. I believe in love. I believe in a Spirit who made all of us and who lives in all things. I believe I can feel and see and touch truth in ways I can’t explain or prove.

I believe in these things because the eyes of my spirit or heart can dimly see them. Like a ticking clock in a quiet room, these things can become loud and obvious when I focus on them. But in the same way that the ticking clock is drowned out by the everyday sounds of life — to the point we don’t even notice it’s there — these things which I believe are true can be easily obscured by the cacophony of this material world.

When my world becomes too loud — and the competing angry shouts and blasts of hate grow strong — I have to remind myself of these quiet things. I have to go inside my heart and become silent — so I can remember what I believe is true.

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Are you living the life you wanted when everything seemed possible?

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I doubt anybody grows up wanting to be a garbage man. Or an accountant. Or a medical billing coder.

There might be a few. Maybe some kids thought riding on a garbage truck was the coolest thing they had ever seen. Maybe some math-obsessed kids thought it would be amazing to spend all day running numbers through spreadsheets.

When we were kids, most of us had things we thought we wanted to do when we grew up, even if many of those things were impractical. When I was very young, I wanted to be captain of a starship, just like my only hero, Capt. James T. Kirk. In an era of frequent rocket launches and trips to the moon, it seemed possible to me.

Then I wanted to be an engineer and inventor. I’ve told you about these before. I progressed through law and ministry and several other things. I was certain that I would one day be president of the United States. I was incredibly excited about my future. I wanted to do and be everything. I was going to change the world.

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I don’t claim to know the solution, but the modern church has failed

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The modern evangelical church shaped my early life to a remarkable degree. I was so deeply embedded in the church subculture that I unconsciously believed that being part of that culture was synonymous with knowing God.

I’ve lost faith in the church. I’ve lost faith in the people who have set themselves up as God’s spokesmen on earth. I’ve lost faith in the institutions which I was taught to believe in. I’ve lost faith in my long-cherished belief that being part of that subculture led to knowing God.

But as I’ve lost faith in all the earthly people and institutions which I was taught spoke for God, I’ve strengthened my belief in the God who I’ve always struggled to know and define and understand.

The church as I knew it was just a subculture — a little subset — of modern American culture. We were shaped by our national culture and then we unconsciously shaped our religion to be an acceptable part of the middle class culture we cherished.

If the Christian church is just a subculture of modern American life, what is the point of its existence?

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