{"id":37486,"date":"2023-12-12T22:21:20","date_gmt":"2023-12-13T04:21:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/davidmcelroy.org\/?p=37486"},"modified":"2023-12-12T22:21:20","modified_gmt":"2023-12-13T04:21:20","slug":"how-long-will-i-keep-finding-toxic-programming-from-my-childhood","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/davidmcelroy.org\/?p=37486","title":{"rendered":"How long will I keep finding toxic programming from my childhood?"},"content":{"rendered":"

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It\u2019s been years since I figured out that my father was a narcissist. It\u2019s been years since I started understanding the effects he had on me \u2014 how he warped my mind and damaged me at my core. And every time I start thinking that I\u2019ve already dealt with the lingering legacy of his dysfunctional programming, I see something in myself that reminds me that he\u2019s still inside me \u2014 in ways that might never change \u2014 and that I have to constantly watch for bits and pieces of his dysfunction to come out in me.<\/p>\n

I was driving home from work this evening when it happened again. I started thinking about doing something that was nominally a good thing to do \u2014 but then I realized what my motivation was. I realized that I was once again trying to prove to myself that I was a good person. The old programming had kicked in once more.<\/p>\n

This is the next in a series of videos dealing with issues that come up for me to think about as I write a book about my childhood experience of growing up with a narcissistic father. You can visit that YouTube channel<\/a> to subscribe to future videos. (Liking and subscribing help me quite a bit in helping others to see the videos.) Or you can watch the most recent video below.<\/p>\n