{"id":38158,"date":"2025-10-23T22:00:16","date_gmt":"2025-10-24T03:00:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/davidmcelroy.org\/?p=38158"},"modified":"2026-03-08T16:47:49","modified_gmt":"2026-03-08T21:47:49","slug":"im-slowly-learning-how-to-be-contented-as-an-ordinary-man","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/davidmcelroy.org\/?p=38158","title":{"rendered":"I\u2019m slowly learning how to be contented as an ordinary man"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

When I was young, I wanted to be great. I wanted to be important, successful and powerful. I wanted to be put onto a pedestal, where I could get the adulation and approval I craved.<\/p>\n

I wouldn\u2019t have put it that way then, of course. I just thought I wanted the things my culture presented as normal goals for someone like me. (I understand now the degree to which being raised by a narcissistic father left me craving approval and attention.)<\/p>\n

As I\u2019ve gotten more emotionally healthy and psychologically mature, I\u2019ve been surprised to find out that my desires in life have changed. It\u2019s not that I\u2019ve \u201cgiven up.\u201d It\u2019s not that I\u2019m settling for something easy after failing to achieve things I wanted.<\/p>\n

My desires today are healthier and far more likely to make me happy. You see, I want to be ordinary. I want to be a good man. I want to be kind and loving and content with the joy of living an ordinary human life.<\/p>\n

But I\u2019ve recently discovered a fascinating paradox. As an ordinary man, I won\u2019t have the things this world and our culture have always promised me. I won\u2019t have wealth or power or adulation. But it turns out that the people who gain what the world and our culture promise won\u2019t have what I have.<\/p>\n

They won\u2019t have the peace and contentment and joy of a man who\u2019s living a simple and ordinary life.<\/p>\n

This contradicts everything I grew up believing. It contradicts all that our culture teaches about success. But I believe it’s true.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t believe that striving for more makes me content and I also don\u2019t think that achieving more makes me content. This is true for everyone, even though it sounds crazy to someone brainwashed by our culture.<\/p>\n

Contentment comes from being satisfied with what we have. Striving for more creates anxiety and discontentment.<\/p>\n

But there’s more to the paradox. I benefit from the work of people who choose to chase the glittering gold of modern life. All progress in the world depends on people who are not satisfied with what they have. It depends on them working to develop new things and then striving to create more.<\/p>\n

Improved lives for everyone ultimately comes because people who are unsatisfied with life strive and fight for success, even though they probably aren\u2019t going to enjoy the fruits of what they create nearly as much as those of us who simply enjoy what they’ve created.<\/p>\n

In this way, I\u2019m far more content in a safe and modest house \u2014 with all the normal modern conveniences that other people\u2019s striving has created \u2014 than are the people who get wealthy from those developments. The best of them and the luckiest of them will be wildly successful and wealthy, but they will almost never be satisfied with what they have.<\/p>\n

It turns out that the people who give me the tools and modern progress that allow me to create my peaceful life can\u2019t enjoy the peace they\u2019ve made possible.<\/p>\n

So I might urge you to discover the truth that I’ve found about how to be more content with life, even though I know human progress would stall if everyone made the same choice I’m making. But I don’t have to be concerned about that, because I know that very few will ever listen.<\/p>\n

The vast majority will strive for money and power and all sorts of things that they believe they need to be happy. Some of them will become wildly rich. But if that’s where their hearts lie, they will never find the contentment that I’ve found by giving all of that up.<\/p>\n

As long as my basic needs are met \u2014 through the service I need to perform for others \u2014 I’m going to be just fine with what little I have. I no longer want to be rich or successful or powerful. I’d like to find a way to be a good husband, a good father, a good writer \u2014 a good human being.<\/p>\n

If the world must keep striving, let it. I\u2019ll be here, living quietly, grateful for the peace their ambition will never buy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

When I was young, I wanted to be great. I wanted to be important, successful and powerful. I wanted to be put onto a pedestal, where I could get the adulation and approval I craved. I wouldn\u2019t have put it that way then, of course. I just thought I wanted the things my culture presented Keep Reading<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-38158","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-uncategorized","7":"entry"},"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1x9iR-9Vs","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidmcelroy.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38158","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidmcelroy.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidmcelroy.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidmcelroy.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidmcelroy.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=38158"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/davidmcelroy.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38158\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":38818,"href":"https:\/\/davidmcelroy.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/38158\/revisions\/38818"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/davidmcelroy.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=38158"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidmcelroy.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=38158"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/davidmcelroy.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=38158"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}