I found myself in a time machine Monday night. My body didn’t move, but my mind and my heart were transported to the years when I was a teen-ager.
I didn’t mean to take this trip into the past. I ran across a YouTube video promising snippets of the most popular song from every month of the decade of my youth. I was curious whether I’d know all the songs. It never occurred to me that the music would awaken something disturbing.
At first, I didn’t feel anything out of the ordinary. Then the songs reached the years when I was about 14, 15 and 16.
All of a sudden, I was feeling emotions I had experienced during those years. Some of the sounds awakened specific memories. My mind was a blur. What I didn’t expect was the flood of emotions.
I can talk clinically about the experience of growing up with a narcissistic father and an absent mother. I can outline the ways this affected me, but I almost always talk about it with the matter-of-fact tone of reciting facts.
What I felt tonight wasn’t about reason or psychology or dry narrative. It was a flood of feelings such as fear and shame and pain. They were emotions I was too terrified to openly feel at the time.

Joe Rogan isn’t insightful to me, so I just don’t listen to his show
I have a history of ignoring signs that warn me it’s time for change
When did someone decide we have the legal right not to be offended?
Walls built to protect heart keep others from giving what we need
These aren’t revolutionaries; they’re nothing but thugs and looters
How could we take responsibility but avoid self-destructive shame?
Unjustified panic: Why are you so scared of all the wrong things?
Without things to look forward to, the human heart gets ready to die
New segregation: Why do some people cling to racial politics?