Briefly

Humans go to a lot of trouble to find partners who are compatible with us in every possible way, but a new study of relationship happiness says that having a “conscientious and nice partner” matters more than the things we’re so eager to screen for. Dr. Bill Chopik of Michigan State University said the most striking finding of his study is that two people having similar personalities had almost no effect on how satisfied they felt, either with the relationship or with their lives. The bottom line seems to be that two people who are kind and decent — regardless of their personalities — should be happier together than two perfectly matched people who simply aren’t very kind to one another. Most of the criteria we use in real life for choosing partners produces unhappy relationships and miserable marriages. Maybe we ought to prioritize someone who’s going to treat us kindly and conscientiously instead.

Almost none of the angry people shouting at each other online — about politics, social issues, religion, whatever — seem to have even the slightest interest in understanding the people they hate. They often even claim they don’t hate the others, but their actions say otherwise. Almost everything they say is for their allies, because what they’re saying is complete nonsense to their enemies. If you profoundly misunderstand your opponent — and if he profoundly misunderstands you — is it any wonder you each end up wanting to kill the other? If each group understood the other, things could be so different, because it’s hard to hate people you truly understand. We might even find solutions which allow people with radically different views of the world to live in peace, separate from one another but each with honest understanding of the other. But none of that is possible if you won’t even try to understand the people with whom you disagree.

I haven’t bought a copy of Mad magazine for decades, but it still hit me hard today to read that the humor magazine is dead. Although the owners will continue to republish material from the 67-year archives, no new material will be produced, except for an annual year-in-review issue. For teens of my era — almost exclusively guys, in my experience — Mad was a rebellious and subversive influence that broke the rules of our everyday lives. Mad was willing to make fun of pretty much anything, and it was a joyous sense of relief for those of us who felt repressed by a conformist culture around us. It wasn’t always funny, but when it was, it could be brilliant. The biggest single influence on my adult understanding of humor was the movie “Airplane!” but Mad magazine was a close second. Rest in peace, Alfred E. Neuman. It’s finally time to worry.