It was early on a Sunday morning. I can’t describe my parents’ bedroom, but I know where we lived. I can’t tell you what else was going on. I just remember playing with my father on their bed.
My favorite game on all of these Sunday mornings was when he would let me climb onto his legs and he would lift me into the air, higher than a little boy knew was possible. I laughed gleefully and wanted to ride again and again.
I was a happy little boy in those moments.
This faded photograph from my baby book is the only physical evidence of those times, but my memory is more powerful than a photo anyway. You might not be able to tell in the darkness of the old picture, but that’s my father’s face on the lower left. I’m on top of his legs and he’s holding onto me with his outstretched hands.
Now that my father has been dead for more than three years, I wish I could erase all of the bad things about him in my memory. I wish it were possible to lose all the evidence of the angry and abusive narcissist who hurt me.
I wish I could hold onto just the loving and tender moments with my father, because those memories are powerful.

Pursuit of perfection leaves me feeling shame when I’m flawed
Loss of respect for truth leads to remorseless liar’s excuses
Looking for the Boston scapegoat? You’ll never find perfect security
‘What’s the worth of one warm smile? Go and ask the dead man’
Be careful what you hunger for; it’s very often not what you need
Angry reactions to others can make us wrong even when we’re right
Obama’s delusion about ‘explaining’ illustrates all-too-common narcissism