David McElroy

My life has been a lot less stressful since I found the humility to admit that I’m often a fool.

There was a time when I was afraid of what other people might think. I wouldn’t have put it that way, but if you look at the way I acted, it’s pretty clear. What if people didn’t recognize how smart I am? What if people saw me change my mind about something and realized that I’d been wrong before?

I wanted people to believe I was completely consistent. If I had once said something, I felt obligated to defend it, because admitting I’d been wrong might imply I could still be wrong about other things.

So I pretended I had things figured out, even when I felt foolish inside.

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Feelings from the past can often lie waiting for us to find. Sometimes figuratively, sometimes literally. Friday morning, the past showed up at my house in the form of a lilac-colored envelope that a woman had sealed for me 19 years ago.

I knew the handwriting before I even read her name.

I started some renovations in my house last year and I moved boxes around that hadn’t been touched for a very long time. I had planned to go through the boxes, but I never did. Friday morning, an envelope atop one of those boxes caught my eye. I absentmindedly picked it up. It was unopened, but there was a handwritten note on the outside.

“Dear David,” the note started.

It was dated June 12, 2006. Even without seeing the confident signature and the flourishes at the end of the loving note on the outside of the envelope, I knew who it was from. I haven’t talked to her for many years, but she and I once loved each other very much. We almost got married. There had been regret for both of us when things were over — and that regret was never resolved.

What did this unopened old card say on the inside? It made my heart do flip flops as I looked at her handwriting and I wondered what it might say.

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