Can it be real love at first sight? This story may make you believe

By David McElroy · February 9, 2012

In 1994, John Perry Barlow took his girlfriend to the Los Angeles airport for a flight to New York City. He would be following her later that day and would see her at the apartment they shared. At the curb, Cynthia said, “We were made for each other, Baby. Nothing can keep us apart.”

That was the last thing she ever said to Barlow, because she died during the flight.

The story of John Perry Barlow and Cynthia Horner is a love story that you’re going to want to hear. Even though it doesn’t have a happy ending, that doesn’t make the story any less compelling and thought-provoking. That’s especially true if you’re not sure you believe in “love at first sight” or “soul mates” or that sort of romantic “nonsense.”

I first heard this story years ago on the public radio show, “This American Life,” and I was reminded of it again this week when the episode was repeated. At this link, scroll down to Act Three — “When Worlds Collide”— to hear the story.

Barlow is known to different people for different reasons. I first heard of him because of his association during the ’90s with NeXT, which was the computer company Steve Jobs founded after he left Apple. He’s also the co-founder of the Electronic Frontier Foundation and is well-known as an activist for online civil liberties. Fans of the Grateful Dead will know him best as one of the band’s long-time lyricists.

In this interview, Barlow tells about the unforgettable moment when he locked eyes with the woman who changed his world. He was in San Francisco for a computer convention. She was in the same facility for a convention of psychiatrists.

Barlow’s description of what he felt like when he first saw Horner is something you’ll recognize if you’ve ever experienced it — as I have.

“I felt like I had finally met another member of my tribe,” Barlow said, “and I felt that before I said anything to her or she said anything to me.”

They immediately became a couple and were planning to marry and have children. You’ll find the eulogy that Barlow wrote for Horner’s funeral here.

For me, the lesson of this story is simple. Most people settle for acceptable relationships with nice people who should be nice spouses and parents and who should make their friends and family pleased. If that’s good enough for you, that’s your business. But if you’re fortunate enough to find what Barlow and Horner found, it’s worth holding onto, whatever the cost.

Love like that rarely happens. It changes lives when you let it.

Note: The EFF link for the eulogy has changed a couple of times over the years and I’ve updated it when I was aware of the change. If you find the link incorrect if it changes in the future, feel free to let me know and I’ll try to update it.

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If you have problems with high blood pressure, I’d like to encourage you to consider making serious changes to your diet. There might be some people who don’t have any choice but to start taking prescription medications for high blood pressure, but I’d like to tell you that I have completely eliminated my issue by eliminating all sugar and almost all carbohydrates. (A couple of months ago, my blood pressure hit 185/144, which was dangerously high — considered stage 3 hypertension.) By completely changing my eating habits, I’m down 22 pounds and my blood pressure is now in the “ideal” range — without taking any medication. In addition, I sleep better and I have more energy. Getting away from the sugar-laden mess that we generally refer to as “highly processed food” has been a life-changer for me. Now my challenge is to avoid slipping back into old habits — by eating in the dangerous ways that almost everyone in our society has come to see as normal.

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The late Steve Jobs was at the center of our culture’s transition from analog to digital. He co-founded Apple Computer. He led the team that revolutionized personal computing with the first Macintosh. As CEO of Apple, he led the development of the iPhone and later the iPad. You would think the children of such a man would be surrounded by technology. But Jobs and his wife Laureen didn’t let their children use iPads. Their home had few screens of any kind. Even though Jobs spent most of his time developing and selling Macs and iPhones and iPads, he was home with his wife and children for dinner when he was in town. The family ate together at a simple wooden table in their kitchen — and there were no digital devices or focus on popular culture. Instead, he’s said to have guided his family toward deep discussions of art, philosophy and education — with no iPads to be found. If the man who guided the development of such products chose a different path for his own children, does that suggest that his digital experience taught him that children need human connection, not screens? And does it suggest the possibility that we might be better off if we made the same choice for our families?

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