Join me Tuesday for some live radio — if you can stomach an hour of me

By David McElroy · March 13, 2012

Cleaning out the notebook once again…

I talked to a local elected official Monday night who told me that interest in the primary election today in Alabama is so low that they’re expecting only about 15 percent turnout among Democrats and 45 percent turnout among Republicans. I don’t sense any enthusiasm from voters about any race around here, from presidential on down to family court judge or constable or whatever. I mostly sense apathy.

Up until Monday, I hadn’t even seen a single sign for a presidential candidate around here other than the one Ron Paul sign at the other end of the street where I live. And you know how well Paul is going to do in a state with such a strong social conservative streak. (A poll released on primary day shows this for Alabama: Romney 28 percent, Gingrich 27 percent, Santorum 22 percent and Paul just 4 percent.)

I’ll be a guest Tuesday on a live radio show called “Independent Thinking with Steve Gelder.” Click the link and then click on “Listen live” to join us at noon central time — 10 a.m. on the west coast and 1 p.m. on the east coast. (If you’re in the rest of the world, you’re on your own with the time conversion.)

Steve is a bright and funny guy who’s a Los Angeles-based comedian, actor and filmmaker. We come from completely different places politically, but he’s smart, fair and genuinely interested in other points of view, so it ought to be a lot of fun. I’ve been fighting a cold for nearly a week, so the biggest fun for the audience might be counting the number of times I cough or snort before I can mute myself. If you miss the live show, you can hear it later when the episode is archived.

If a German government proposal is implemented, the Germans might come looking for me to pay someone each time I link to an article somewhere. The German government is trying to figure out ways to get online giants such as Google to pay money to help out with the European financial crisis, but the list of priorities also includes trying to get money from sites that aggregate news links. If this thing passes, I have news for them. The monkeys aren’t paying. All they have in life are their bananas — and the Germans are just going to have to find their own.

All my life, I’ve heard the expression, “A little knowledge is a dangerous thing,” but I didn’t know where it came from and I had no idea of the context. (I also had no idea that the commonly used version isn’t quite correct.) When I was listening to this week’s EconTalk podcast Monday — which you should listen to each week if you don’t already — host Russ Roberts quoted the line from Alexander Pope in its context — and it took on new meaning for me:

A little learning is a dangerous thing.
Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring;
There shallow draughts intoxicate the brain;
And drinking largely sobers us again.

How many times have you known someone who’s learned just a little bit about something, but just enough to make him assume he’s an expert? Pope is saying that learning just a little bit about something makes us feel as though we’re brilliant, but if we dig a little deeper, we’ll realize just how little we understand.

Most people today are painfully shallow in their intellectual pursuits. I have to confess that I’ve been guilty at times of learning just enough to talk about something, but not enough to really question the glib insights that I’ve casually picked up. Haven’t all of us done that? I just found myself thinking that when I study something new, if I immediately think I’ve mastered the subject, I probably haven’t gone deep enough to figure out how little I know.

There are times when men get unfairly characterized as being jerks who just want to use women, but there are some guys for whom the stereotype truly applies. A female friend of mine recently met a guy who acted very interested in her and pursued as though he was crazy about her. They had dinner for the first time and that went well. A week later, they had dinner at her house. Afterwards, he was all hands and lips. There was quite a bit of kissing and everything seemed to be going well.

All of a sudden, though, he realized that she didn’t have any intention of sleeping with him. He suddenly looked at the clock and said that it was late and he needed to go. That was days ago and she still hasn’t heard from him. Is there any question about what he was after?

Fella, it’s people like you who give all of us a bad name.

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Meet my new girlfriend. Her name is Meg. And she’s my little sweetheart. A couple of months ago, a neighbor across the street told me about a new stray in the neighborhood that she and I were both soon feeding. The cat had been very skittish about contact and she had a lot of scabs and parasites in her fur, but a trip to the vet last week revealed that she was otherwise in good health. The vet estimates her to be 1 to 2 years old. I named her for Meg Murry, the 13-year-old protagonist of Madeleine L’Engle’s wonderful book, “A Wrinkle in Time.” (Please read the book. Don’t watch the horrible movie.) Since we lost Lucy almost a year ago, it seems appropriate that we finally have a new little girl to join the household. She’s already captured my heart, but Alex, Oliver and Sam aren’t there quite yet.

There’s nothing socially acceptable that’s as dangerous as drinking alcohol. Most people grow up being told to “drink responsibly” — and all of us see people abusing this drug in one way or another — but the truth is that drinking alcohol is always a terrible risk. The alcohol in these drinks is toxic and the human liver has to work hard to filter the toxins out. What most people don’t realize is that alcohol is classified as a known carcinogen by the World Health Organization — because of the well-established connection between imbibing and various cancers. Many people have taken refuge behind the idea that light or moderate drinking might be safe, but a new study shows that drinking even one drink a day increases the risks of 10 types of cancer. When I was a teen-ager, I looked around and saw the negative effects that this behavior had on a lot of people and decided not to start drinking, so I’ve never even tried this poison. The evidence keeps piling up that I was lucky to have come to that conclusion early.

It hasn’t happened yet, but there’s a possibility that I might be taking in a fourth feline. A couple of months ago, a cat-loving neighbor asked whether I’d seen a “tuxedo cat” hanging out in the neighborhood. I hadn’t, but this guy eventually wandered past my house a few weeks later — and we haven’t been able to find evidence that he has a home. I’ve been giving him water and food for the last week and he finally let me pet him two nights ago. He’s purred for me two nights in a row and he let me take a low-quality selfie with him Thursday night. Tonight, though, he let me pick him up and bring him inside to look around. This went surprisingly well, as you can see from this photo. I don’t know whether he’ll be joining the family, but I’m certain that Alex, Oliver and Sam would vote no, at least until they get to know him. I’m trying to make certain he doesn’t have a home, but if he does join us, what do you suppose his name will be?

It turns out that the radical far left has been training “Antifa cats” to sabotage anything important to Donald Trump. Everything he did was perfect. Honest. It was all the cats’ fault. Arrest all the cats! This is the latest of my ridiculous satirical shorts. Please go watch it. Then “like” it and subscribe. Please. I’m begging you. (Too much?) Although a couple of the previous videos have had views in the hundreds, most have still been seen by fewer than 20 people. So I seem to be having trouble letting people know that page exists.

Here’s the latest of my ridiculous parody shorts. It crossed my mind Tuesday to wonder what a slick and fast-talking car dealer might do right now to try to turn the high price of gasoline to his advantage. So I conceived of a fat and lovable character who tried to sell cars that don’t use any fuel — and then I started wondering if it would be funnier if all the characters were felines. Designing the King Cashpaw character took about four hours, but the rest took only another four hours, so this was a relatively quick piece that virtually wrote itself. I know it’s almost impossible for these parody videos to find a larger audience, but at least they amuse me — and there are 19 of them on my YouTube page now. The first few were very limited, but they’re getting more complex.

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