‘Vote iPhone in 2012’: Let’s bring democracy to the phone world

By David McElroy · August 1, 2011

The problems we face in 2012 are serious. Our children are counting on us to make the right choice for everyone. Yes, my friends, it can only mean one thing. Vote iPhone in 2012.

Many people remember the “bad old days” when we all chose our own phones. It was an inefficient world of competing brands and models — which just confused everyone. In these more enlightened times, we understand that it’s more efficient and fair for everyone to buy the same model. Even though we’re not seeing the predicted cost efficiencies so far, we’re confident that it’s just a matter of time before costs come down. Obviously, prices would have gone even higher if the Phone Unification Act hadn’t passed. This has been a godsend for the consumer.

There are still some selfish people who claim they should be able to buy what they want, without caring what their neighbors and fellow countrymen want. Thankfully, those self-styled individualists are dying out, probably because they’re too selfish to get anyone else to put up with them. Most people now understand that standardizing on one model is the only fair way.

Even though the big corporations pretend that they’re all on board with the plan now, we all know that they’re still trying to subvert the rules for their own self-interest. Nokia and RIM didn’t like being excluded from the elections, of course, but it’s only fair that we just use good ol’ American technology.

Here’s a breakdown of the election for 2012, as best as I can tell. Apple has nominated the iPhone again and is obviously one of the two frontrunners. It’s more complicated for the Android Party, but it always is for this fractious bunch. With Google’s guidance, they just held their convention and chose a Samsung Galaxy model to represent them. (HTC finished second and won the backup role in case something happens to Samsung. Motorola threatened to make a third-party bid, but nobody believes it can work.)

Microsoft is playing its traditional role as third-party spoiler in this election. Its Windows Phone has no chance of winning, but might peel off enough votes to hurt one of the frontrunners. (Nokia says it will make Microsoft’s hardware in the event of a Windows Phone win, but nobody takes that seriously.)

Patriotic people around the country are getting excited as we get closer to the election. I don’t have to tell you how hard the incumbent is working to protect his position or how hard the opposition is working. (Microsoft employees have been traveling the country trying to get signatures to get ballot access in as many states as possible. Really pathetic, if you ask me.)

Anyway, I’m supporting iPhone again. I’m a big fan of Apple’s user interface and app ecosystem, so I’m campaigning hard. But since I’m a patriotic American, I’ll honor and support the result of the election, no matter what it is. I’d hate to have to switch to Android, but if that’s what the majority want, it’s just the right thing to do, isn’t it?

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When I first heard about this, I thought it must be satire. When I discovered it was real, I was appalled, but I still thought it must be a one-time thing from some nutty activist. But it turns out it’s the latest bit of pandering to a bunch of far-left activists who believe that a man can become a woman if he decides to claim he’s a woman. As everybody knows, men have prostate glands. Women do not. Period. End of story. Men can get prostate cancer. Women cannot. But political activists are so eager to pretend that a man claiming to be a “trans woman” is really a woman that they are insisting that “women” be included in public health messages about the issue. This is nothing but political virtue-signaling. If you’re a man, you know which parts you have. You know that you ought to be screened. Nobody is made any safer by dragging far-left gender ideology into simple medical reality.

Every time someone tries to tighten requirements around the use of absentee ballots, I hear screams from Democrats and others on the political left that such efforts are nothing but “suppression of black voters.” These protests have never made sense to me, especially because it’s never been a secret that absentee ballot fraud goes on all the time in certain areas. (Everybody knew it when I worked in politics.) The people who engage in such fraud are rarely caught — often because the local political establishment approves of the crime — but a Democrat who won a primary election in Clay County, Alabama, last year has pleaded guilty to this sort of cheating. Terry Andrew Heflin was running for a place on the Clay County Commission. He was caught ordering seven absentee ballots in the names of various voters and sending them to his post office box — after which he used the ballots to vote absentee for himself seven time. Did he have other people cast additional fraudulent ballots? We’ll never know. But in a primary in which he was able to win with only 141 votes, it wouldn’t take many fraudulent votes to change the election. The next time you hear “civil rights activists” claim that it’s just “voter suppression” to hurt blacks which is at the root of efforts to stop this fraud, remember Terry Heflin. If you care about fair and honest elections, ballot security and voter identity should matter to you.

A state legislator in Maine has been stripped of the ability to speak in the state Legislature — and her votes are not being counted on legislative issues — all because she made a truthful social media post. Rep. Laurel Libby (R-Auburn, Maine) opposes allowing boys to compete against girls’ teams in school athletics and she’s become known for making an issue of it. On Feb. 17, she posted on Facebook about a recent example that she found outrageous. She posted side-by-side photos of a boy named John who competed last year in a state track event and won fifth place against other boys two years ago — and a photo of the same boy (now called Katie) who won first place in the same event this year against girls. Whether you find this outrageous or not, Libby is clearly being honest and truthful about the objective facts of an issue of public importance. But the state Legislature censured her. Democrats decreed that she could not speak in the House and that her votes would not count on legislation — until she apologized for the outrage of telling the truth. She refused and her constituents have been unrepresented in the state House since then. The people who promote this ideology are out of touch with reality and won’t rest until they force the rest of us to join them in this delusion. But even if you agree with “trans” ideology, you should be appalled at this heavy-handed attack on political speech.

The late Steve Jobs was at the center of our culture’s transition from analog to digital. He co-founded Apple Computer. He led the team that revolutionized personal computing with the first Macintosh. As CEO of Apple, he led the development of the iPhone and later the iPad. You would think the children of such a man would be surrounded by technology. But Jobs and his wife Laureen didn’t let their children use iPads. Their home had few screens of any kind. Even though Jobs spent most of his time developing and selling Macs and iPhones and iPads, he was home with his wife and children for dinner when he was in town. The family ate together at a simple wooden table in their kitchen — and there were no digital devices or focus on popular culture. Instead, he’s said to have guided his family toward deep discussions of art, philosophy and education — with no iPads to be found. If the man who guided the development of such products chose a different path for his own children, does that suggest that his digital experience taught him that children need human connection, not screens? And does it suggest the possibility that we might be better off if we made the same choice for our families?

For four years, Donald Trump’s supporters screamed that everything that went wrong was the fault of Joe Biden. They were sometimes right and they were sometimes delusional. (Anybody who knows me understands that I can’t stand Biden any more than I can stand Trump, just for different reasons.) But for two months, Trump has rampaged through U.S. political life — vandalizing pretty much everything in sight — and the vast majority of his supporters are silent at best. Many watch as he blows up the world economy and they make excuses for him. They’re in absolute denial, even about things that Trump is doing very intentionally. Anybody who understands economics and history knows that tariffs are a terrible idea from a pragmatic point of view. Anybody who values individual freedom knows that tariffs are massive taxes on individuals — and they’re a tool of political control over the ability of people to trade freely. Trump is the antithesis of everything which political conservatives stood for just a few years ago. It’s far past time for people who claim to be conservatives to reclaim the principles and values which they used to claim — and stop this mad man before he can accelerate the day when we experience economic and social collapse. Open your eyes to reality and reject this lying narcissist.

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