Dems, GOP name Charlotte Clinton and future Bush baby for 2056

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After two days of tense negotiations, smiling Democrats and Republicans emerged from behind closed doors to announce that their nominees for the 2056 presidential election cycle will be Charlotte Clinton and a planned Bush baby to be named at a future date.

“This is just the right thing to do,” said Debbie Wasserman Schultz, chair of the Democratic National Committee. “An agreement like this will save the country from having to go through a series of divisive and unnecessary primaries in order to reach the result we all know is coming.”

Although Charlotte Clinton’s legal name is Charlotte Clinton Mezvinsky, her marketing team has decided to shorten it to take advantage of the Clinton brand, which was key to her winning the nomination at the tender age of 1 day old.

“The team hasn’t decided whether Charlotte will be married by the election, but we’re definitely going with the proven winner with the name Clinton,” Schultz said. “We’ve already registered ReadyForCharlotte.com and we will be flooding Facebook and Twitter with staged photos soon. It’s really the only way to make this exciting for everyone.”

Although most of the attention about the agreement is focused on Charlotte Clinton, the most interesting part of the deal reached today concerns Baby Boy Bush.

“This is the first time we’ve committed to someone who hasn’t been conceived yet, but we’ve won with two generations of Bush candidates and we think it’s a smart move,” said Reince Priebus, chair of the Republican National Committee. “We’re having internal discussions right now about which Bush couple should be working on getting pregnant to fulfill the contract, but we hope to have something to announce soon.”

Priebus confirmed that the Bush baby will be a male, because focus groups showed that voters were more likely to accept a male as the GOP candidate.

Schultz and Priebus agreed that a sticking point in reaching the agreement was the debate format, which is now expected to be a political all-star match of Family Feud. Republicans had favored allowing GOP vice presidents’ families to be included on the teams, but Schultz stuck to her original vision of the teams consisting of nothing but Bush or Clinton family members.

“This is going to be the event that will really sell us to the voters,” Schultz said. “Having a former president of Bill Clinton’s stature along with another hopefully future president in his wife should add the gravitas we need to project.”

The parties have agreed to maintain separate platforms full of conflicting positions, but to enact the same policy proposals regardless which candidate is elected.

“We’ve thought of everything,” Priebus said. “I think you’ll agree this is a monumental day for all of us. This sort of bi-partisan co-operation makes me proud to be an American.”

Priebus added that the parties will negotiate prior to the election about which foreign countries to attack during the presidency of either future President Bush or future President Clinton.