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David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

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I still have trouble accepting that my idealized world doesn’t exist

By David McElroy · December 15, 2017

I feel most alone when I’m in groups of people. I’ve always known that — and I’ve talked to others who feel the same — but I might have figured out tonight why I feel this way.

I grew up expecting an idealized version of humanity. Maybe it was the futuristic utopias that I saw in much of the science fiction I read and watched. Maybe it was the idealistic spirit of the age in which I grew up — a time when there seemed to be a widespread belief that an amazing future was right around the corner.

Or maybe it was just something about my own personality. I wanted the world to be amazing — and I wanted to be the one to make it amazing. I wanted to change the world. I wanted to lead the world. I wanted to be at the forefront of creating an amazing, loving and humane world.

Everything I imagined seemed so right and good — and so achievable.

I expected gleaming, futuristic cities where people voluntarily worked together to improve life for everyone. I expected almost everyone to be educated and thoughtful and kind. I expected that most humans would choose to be what I consider to be moral and just and compassionate.

I knew there would still be evil. I knew that “bad people” would still exist. But I expected the future that I saw to be so compelling — that the values of that ideal world would be so exciting and honorable — that few people would fail to be swept up in a desire for self-improvement and for making the world a better place.

Over the years, I’ve come to be attracted to cynical satire of various kinds, because I feel a need to viciously lampoon the cruel and ugly human society which we tolerate. I’m aware of much beauty and goodness and dignity in many people, but I’m so hurt by the “spirit of the world” that I can’t help but want to hold it up for ridicule.

For a long time, that didn’t make sense to me. How could I be so idealistic yet have the desire to make vicious and cynical satire attacking the stupidity and cruelty of the world around me? I’ve slowly come to understand that satire is the refuge for a disappointed idealist. Only someone who truly expected people to behave in more ideal ways could feel the need to lash out at the world — because only an idealist is truly hurt by it in this deep way.

Even today, I’m torn between what I know the world is and what I believe it can and should be. My mind still chooses to live in that world of idealism. Something in me still believes the world can and will change. Something in me believes — against all the evidence seen by my analytical brain — that people will change.

And so I mislead myself by expecting too much from human beings.

I have a terrible habit of believing that people mean what they say.

I have the frustrating habit of expecting people to be honorable and decent — just because that’s who they want to be.

I have the ridiculous habit of believing that people will do the right thing if you give them enough time and if you love them unconditionally.

I have the absurd habit of believing that we can be kind and loving to each other — and that the only way to get to that point is by loving other people and hoping they will voluntarily make the right choice.

When I’m alone — or when I’m with one of the astonishingly rare people who can reflect my idealism — I feel hopeful, because everything I want the world to be seems so obvious and so possible.

But when I’m with groups of people, I’m forced to confront the ugly reality that the world isn’t yet ready to become my ideal. When I’m among groups of people, I fear that they never will be ready. And my fear and loathing for what they are drives me to judge myself as a hypocrite — preaching love and rejecting people for not meeting my idealistic standard.

That makes me feel alone. And that makes me desperate for connection with those few who have the heart and the vision to see the idealistic utopia I’d like to live in.

I know the world will never be perfect. I know that even if I build my little corner of the world to be the utopia I would like it to be, we humans are fallible enough that we would stumble along the way. We would find ways to mess it up. We would disappoint me.

But the fact we are terribly imperfect doesn’t mean we can’t do better than what we’re doing today — and it doesn’t mean the distant future can’t be just as radically different (in better ways) from 2017 as the present day is from the world of the year 1017.

I will never see this radically better world, but I want to hold onto the dream. I want to teach my children these idealized values to pass along to their own children. I want to teach these values to anyone who will listen. I want to teach people to have faith that humanity can change.

If we do the right things today, the future can be different. I will never see it, but if we put the right plans in place today, the future a thousand years from now might finally resemble this idealized world that I so desperately want today.

For now, I’ll continue to be reminded of what we humans really are every time I’m in groups of people. I’ll continue to hate what I see. I’ll continue to seek the few who can share my dreams and my values. I’ll continue to feel guilty about hating what I see.

Mostly, though, I’ll continue to seek a home with a wife and children who can share my values — even if most of the world believes that doing the right thing is for suckers.

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I just remembered that I shot photos Friday evenin I just remembered that I shot photos Friday evening just before sunset. These two shots were only about a minute apart, just with different lenses. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
As far as I know, there were no nuclear devices se As far as I know, there were no nuclear devices set off anywhere near Birmingham this evening, but this cloud formation looked very much like a mushroom cloud rising in the west as I went through downtown Birmingham on I-65 around 6:30 tonight. #nature #naturephotography #sky #clouds #birmingham #alabama
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I just realized that I had some other photos from I just realized that I had some other photos from Wednesday night’s sunset which I could have posted. I ended up posting an iPhone panorama, but this is what a section of that looked like with the Sony A7 IV instead. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
Just a minute before the sun slipped beneath the h Just a minute before the sun slipped beneath the horizon, the late-evening light was colorful and magical Thursday. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I didn’t have a lens wide enough to capture this I didn’t have a lens wide enough to capture this with my “real” camera, so this is just an iPhone panorama. It was beautiful to see in person. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
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For “throwback Thursday, let me introduce you to For “throwback Thursday, let me introduce you to Sam. In 2009, I took in a young feral cat who I named for the early American revolutionary Samuel Adams. He was one of the most confident — downright arrogant, in fact — cats I’ve ever been around. He had an amazing personality and I immediately loved him. He was no more than 8 or 9 months old when he suddenly died for reasons that my vet couldn’t explain. Even though I had him only a short time, he was one of my all-time favorites. #tbt #cats #tabby #feral #birmingham #alabama
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Thomas believes that he is the Most Interesting Ca Thomas believes that he is the Most Interesting Cat in the World — and I can’t say he’s wrong tonight. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
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Except when he’s asleep, Thomas always looks as Except when he’s asleep, Thomas always looks as though he’s on high alert and ready to run away from danger. His feral early years still dominate his internal programming. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Lucy just finished her last walk of the day, but s Lucy just finished her last walk of the day, but she still wants more attention. She’s sitting in front of me looking expectantly. She seems certain that we will go outside for one more adventure if she’s persistent enough. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
My favorite photos of Merlin tend to be those — My favorite photos of Merlin tend to be those — such as this one — in which he seems to be contemplating difficult issues. Feline philosophy or quantum physics or something else that he figures I wouldn’t understand. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama #caturday
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On a live awards show Sunday night, one man made a joke about a female celebrity. The husband of the celebrity was offended and hit the man who made the joke. Or maybe it was staged for entertainment. Who knows? Who cares? Social media is full of discussion — and even arguments — about this idiocy today. This baffles me. Let’s assume for a moment that the event happened as reported. People have been having such idiotic fights ever since there have been humans. Half the bars in the world see such brief dustups regularly. It simply doesn’t matter. The fact that so many people believe they need to talk about this — or even need to have opinions about it — is more evidence of the bizarre media brainwashing that convinces many to care passionately about brain-dead trivia. Your life will be happier and saner if you focus on yourself, your family and your friends, not on whatever scripted (or spontaneous) bilge that the media wants to pipe into your home.

I’m in the middle of migrating this website to new servers this week. This means you might encounter some unexpected behavior until I get all the bugs worked out. Clicking on my links (including this one) might cause your browser to give you the message that it’s a site without a current security certificate. It’s not actually unsafe, but there’s something which isn’t yet set up for the security certificate. I apologize for any such errors you might encounter while the process is going on. If you notice any problems with content which didn’t migrate properly, I would appreciate you letting me know the details at davidmcelroy@mac.com. Thanks for your patience.

I often wonder what animals think when they look at us and consider the society we’ve created. Yes, I know this is fanciful and unrealistic, but what if they could? Would they be astounded at how we treat each other? Would they be disgusted by the ugliness and pettiness which fill so many of our daily interactions? The truth is that I’m feeling pretty disgusted with humanity tonight. I made the mistake of reading some online interactions that I should have avoided — and it sickened me. The people involved appeared to be vile and stupid and arrogant. I wish I could pretend they’re a tiny minority, but I know better. It’s times such as this when I most need to escape much of “civilization” and disconnect from their world. If humans are going to be worthy of “ruling this planet,” we have a lot of growth to do. And I fear that growth is nowhere in sight. So my buddy Thomas, above, and all of his friends would be right to judge us harshly — and to think, “Why do you folks get to be in charge?”

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Have you ever had what you thought was a new idea — and then discovered that “old you” had the same idea years ago? I had that experience tonight. And it’s been wonderful. I came up with an idea tonight for a very short satirical film that would be a promotion for a fictitious college. The point is to make the college promote — as good things — everything which is actually terrible about most modern colleges. Then I remembered a fake college that I invented back when I was in college. I had created student recruitment brochures and various newsletters back then, so I decided to call my “new” college by the same name I’d invented years ago: Ochita College. As I searched my computer for any old material I might still have about Ochita from the past, I discovered an email I sent to someone in 2009 — outlining essentially the same idea which I came up with tonight. Since I didn’t remember writing that, it felt like magic. So my next film project just might be this one instead. If all goes well, you might soon see “Ochita College: Your Future Starts Here.” This should be fun.

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