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David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

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Death of stranger’s dog reminds me how much dogs mean to us

By David McElroy · July 5, 2018

When I posted this photo of Lucy on social media Wednesday, I just wanted to share my best furry friend. But a stranger who saw the picture saw more than I intended.

“Lucy doesn’t ask for much,” I wrote as the caption. “Most of the time, she’s happy and content if she can just lie quietly in the floor and watch me work.”

This stranger named Alan made a comment on the photo.

“My Lucy would often join us where we were working, too,” he wrote. “Cherish those moments, and don’t forget to give them a pat, and talk to them.”

His use of the past tense was my hint that his Lucy was a beloved dog from his past, but I still didn’t realize what was going on. After I assured him that I talk to Lucy more than I talk to humans, he responded again.

“When my wife was working out of town during the week, Lucy was sometimes the only creature I spoke to for a day or two, when work was slow,” he wrote. “I really miss her. (It’s only been a week and a day.)”

By this point, it was clear how much Alan was hurting. Once I understood that it had been only eight days since his Lucy’s death, I was full of empathy for him. It took my heart back to the way I felt when a dog named Maggie died 10 years ago.

Maggie’s death broke my heart.

“I’m really sorry you lost her,” I said to Alan. “I’ve never cried about the death of any human being, but I cry often when I lose one of my furry friends. They are amazing companions and wedge their way into our hearts in ways that are hard for others to understand.”

Alan could tell that I had experienced the pain he was going through.

“Thanks,” he said. “You really do get it. I wept more for that dog than other humans, too. Perhaps it’s the innocence. Being the one to choose to put her down was very hard. Intellectually, I know it was the right thing to do … the cancer (in her mouth/throat) must have been very uncomfortable for her, but knowing that I chose to end her life is hard. I’d like to think she understood.”

This discussion hit me hard and it took me right back to the last night I had with Maggie. One night, she suddenly wouldn’t get up when it was time to go to her crate. She tried, but she collapsed. I picked her up and took her to an emergency animal clinic late that night.

I spent the night sitting by her side as she laid helplessly in a kennel with an open door. The scans done at the clinic showed that she had fluid where it shouldn’t be. It appeared to be internal bleeding. There were several signs that pointed to cancer. We spent the night pumping her full of fluids and medicine to get her strong enough to go to my own vet the next morning.

I didn’t sleep that night.

As soon as my vet’s clinic opened, I carried Maggie over there, full of hope that he would have a solution. But when he did surgery a few hours later, our worst fears were confirmed. Her organs were full of cancer.

My beautiful little Maggie never woke up from the surgery.

In the coming days, I created and had printed some cards to share with the few people who had known her well enough to care about her death. Here’s what I wrote:

A faithful companion isn’t coming home.

There was once a sweet and beautiful puppy who lived with a young man who wanted to make her into a “mean dog” and teach her to fight. Fate intervened and she came to a better life instead. For 12 years, she was a faithful companion and amazing friend — for all of the people and dogs and cats in her life. She was funny and smart and sweet and brave. Without warning, she fell gravely ill on Feb. 28. She had internal bleeding caused by cancer in several organs. Maggie died a few hours later during surgery. Her absence creates a terrible hole in a family. She is missed and she is loved.

A decade later, my little Maggie is still loved and missed.

Our dogs have ways of getting into our hearts that few other things in this world do. The pain of losing them is awful, but it is made worth it by the wonderful bond of love we share with them during their lives.

Thursday night, I responded one more time to Alan.

“Alan, I think the truth is that the dogs we love know that we love them — and they know we make such terrible decisions only when it’s best for them,” I said. “I’m sorry you were in that position, but I’m completely confident that your Lucy died knowing you love her. You are bearing the pain now of doing what was right for her. I think she would have approved and supported the loving decision you made for her. I’m just sorry it’s so tough now to live without your girl.”

There aren’t that many things which can so readily unite strangers in understanding of the other’s pain, but Alan and I both know what it feels like to lose a furry friend who we dearly love.

I’ll face that pain one day with Lucy. I know it will hurt, but I’m going to spend wonderful years loving her and letting her fill my days with joy and happiness.

It’s a terrible bargain, but I wouldn’t want to live without our dogs.

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This was the sunset behind the restaurant where I This was the sunset behind the restaurant where I hung out to work for awhile this evening. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
There was just an orange glow for sunset tonight. There was just an orange glow for sunset tonight. Nothing fancy. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
This is what the sky looked like just after sunset This is what the sky looked like just after sunset earlier this evening. I couldn’t decide whether to show you the wider view or the closer view, so you got both. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I caught the last little bit of light Saturday eve I caught the last little bit of light Saturday even just after the sun had gone beneath the horizon. When you watch something such as this, it’s easy to understand why early humans assumed that the sun revolved around us instead of the other way around. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
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For “throwback Thursday, let me introduce you to For “throwback Thursday, let me introduce you to Sam. In 2009, I took in a young feral cat who I named for the early American revolutionary Samuel Adams. He was one of the most confident — downright arrogant, in fact — cats I’ve ever been around. He had an amazing personality and I immediately loved him. He was no more than 8 or 9 months old when he suddenly died for reasons that my vet couldn’t explain. Even though I had him only a short time, he was one of my all-time favorites. #tbt #cats #tabby #feral #birmingham #alabama
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Lucy has been happily rolling around in the freshl Lucy has been happily rolling around in the freshly cut grass of the back yard Wednesday evening. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
Thomas believes that he is the Most Interesting Ca Thomas believes that he is the Most Interesting Cat in the World — and I can’t say he’s wrong tonight. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Merlin is ready for me to turn the last of the off Merlin is ready for me to turn the last of the office lights off so he and Thomas can sleep peacefully without me muttering to myself as I write. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Lucy just finished a Neighborhood Watch patrol and Lucy just finished a Neighborhood Watch patrol and now she’s cooling off in the back yard before heading inside for dinner. Her work is never done. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
Except when he’s asleep, Thomas always looks as Except when he’s asleep, Thomas always looks as though he’s on high alert and ready to run away from danger. His feral early years still dominate his internal programming. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
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My favorite photos of Merlin tend to be those — My favorite photos of Merlin tend to be those — such as this one — in which he seems to be contemplating difficult issues. Feline philosophy or quantum physics or something else that he figures I wouldn’t understand. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama #caturday
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On a live awards show Sunday night, one man made a joke about a female celebrity. The husband of the celebrity was offended and hit the man who made the joke. Or maybe it was staged for entertainment. Who knows? Who cares? Social media is full of discussion — and even arguments — about this idiocy today. This baffles me. Let’s assume for a moment that the event happened as reported. People have been having such idiotic fights ever since there have been humans. Half the bars in the world see such brief dustups regularly. It simply doesn’t matter. The fact that so many people believe they need to talk about this — or even need to have opinions about it — is more evidence of the bizarre media brainwashing that convinces many to care passionately about brain-dead trivia. Your life will be happier and saner if you focus on yourself, your family and your friends, not on whatever scripted (or spontaneous) bilge that the media wants to pipe into your home.

I’m in the middle of migrating this website to new servers this week. This means you might encounter some unexpected behavior until I get all the bugs worked out. Clicking on my links (including this one) might cause your browser to give you the message that it’s a site without a current security certificate. It’s not actually unsafe, but there’s something which isn’t yet set up for the security certificate. I apologize for any such errors you might encounter while the process is going on. If you notice any problems with content which didn’t migrate properly, I would appreciate you letting me know the details at davidmcelroy@mac.com. Thanks for your patience.

I often wonder what animals think when they look at us and consider the society we’ve created. Yes, I know this is fanciful and unrealistic, but what if they could? Would they be astounded at how we treat each other? Would they be disgusted by the ugliness and pettiness which fill so many of our daily interactions? The truth is that I’m feeling pretty disgusted with humanity tonight. I made the mistake of reading some online interactions that I should have avoided — and it sickened me. The people involved appeared to be vile and stupid and arrogant. I wish I could pretend they’re a tiny minority, but I know better. It’s times such as this when I most need to escape much of “civilization” and disconnect from their world. If humans are going to be worthy of “ruling this planet,” we have a lot of growth to do. And I fear that growth is nowhere in sight. So my buddy Thomas, above, and all of his friends would be right to judge us harshly — and to think, “Why do you folks get to be in charge?”

I should have expected this, but I honestly didn’t. The article I wrote last week about disagreements over treatment for autistic children brought me angry emails. You could almost call it “hate mail.” Of the five emails about it so far, two have been to tell me that I’m wrong to even listen to critics of the most popular therapy for autistic children — and the other three tell me I’m wrong for not condemning the treatment as the “obvious” abuse it is. If you read the article, you know I didn’t take a position on the issue, because I simply don’t know enough to have an opinion. But by talking about the issue, I stepped into a heated controversy. The emails from the two sides convinced me of nothing. But they did give me even more empathy for the unfortunate parents who have to figure out for themselves where the truth lies for their children.

Have you ever had what you thought was a new idea — and then discovered that “old you” had the same idea years ago? I had that experience tonight. And it’s been wonderful. I came up with an idea tonight for a very short satirical film that would be a promotion for a fictitious college. The point is to make the college promote — as good things — everything which is actually terrible about most modern colleges. Then I remembered a fake college that I invented back when I was in college. I had created student recruitment brochures and various newsletters back then, so I decided to call my “new” college by the same name I’d invented years ago: Ochita College. As I searched my computer for any old material I might still have about Ochita from the past, I discovered an email I sent to someone in 2009 — outlining essentially the same idea which I came up with tonight. Since I didn’t remember writing that, it felt like magic. So my next film project just might be this one instead. If all goes well, you might soon see “Ochita College: Your Future Starts Here.” This should be fun.

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