Maturity asked me to learn that I’d never win certain arguments

By David McElroy · January 9, 2019

I have a confession to make.

I used to get into terrible arguments with people online. It could be about all sorts of things, although I guess most of them centered around politics. It took me a long time, but I was finally able to quit doing this. I walk away from argument now. What changed?

First, I admitted to myself that my real motivation for continuing to argue was fear that the other person — or those following the argument — would assume I wasn’t smart enough to respond. I finally realized that it was just my ego getting in the way of walking away.

Second, I finally accepted that it doesn’t matter to me what other people think of me, especially random strangers online. I finally became mature enough — many years after this should have been so — for me not to be intimidated by the fear that someone might think I wasn’t smart enough.

These are things I should have learned as a teen-ager or young man. I guess I’m a slow learner.

I’m thinking about this tonight because of an incident I had on Facebook an hour or so ago. An English friend of mine posted a link to a story about something really bizarre that a person had done to his body — and my friend (rightly) called it grotesque. I commented that the bizarre things is that we are now supposed to pretend that it’s normal and healthy for people to do any strange thing to their bodies.

One of his friends told me it was none of my business, so I should move on. I pointed out that if it’s wrong for me to have an opinion about something which is “none of my business,” it’s also none of his business to have an opinion about me having an opinion. I don’t mind if people disagree with me, but I found his hypocrisy stunning. He wanted to judge me harshly for having an opinion — when the gist of his opinion was that I shouldn’t have an opinion.

After about my second response — when I simply made sure I had been clear about my point — I told him it wasn’t worth arguing about. And then I moved on.

If this had been 10 years ago, I would have still on on that page arguing with him right now. Even though it was clear his cognitive dissonance wouldn’t allow him to see the hypocrisy of his position — and thus I wouldn’t be able to get him to understand — I would have continued the argument because of the other people following along.

I would have been terrified that if I quit responding — or walked away — the other people reading the thread would have assumed I wasn’t smart enough to respond. And so I would have continued a pointless argument — all to avoid the shame of someone thinking something which I can’t control anyway.

At this point in my life, I don’t have the time or energy for arguments. I don’t mind clarifying my views or position for those who misunderstand something about what I’ve said, but I have zero interest in arguing with anyone, especially strangers online.

I’m not always right. In fact, I try not to hold too dogmatic a position about many things these days. I might change my mind about various things by next year or the year after. I often decide I’ve been wrong. So what’s the point in defending my ego, especially when I know I might be mistaken?

The combination of the ego and personal shame can lead people to do things which are completely contrary to their real needs. As I keep finding more things like that in my life, I hope I can have the maturity to continue to change.

I like the person I am now a lot better than the person I was 10 years ago. I hope I can say the same thing in another 10 years. Keeping a shamed ego in its right place can be a full-time job.

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The company that owns Facebook and Instagram is heavily promoting its new AI-based software assistant called Muse, but people who are using it as it was designed are incredibly foolish. An early adopter of the software discovered that a few days ago when he advertised an item for sale on Facebook Marketplace — and he inadvertently gave Muse full authority to act on his behalf. The software agreed to a lowball offer made by another Facebook user and then gave that man the home address of the man for whom he was an agent. The software told the buyer that the seller was home and waiting for him. When the buyer showed up and waited angrily, the would-be buyer left an angry review for the man. And this angry man had the seller’s home address. It was only well after that that the software reported what it had done and admitted it had made a mistake. I won’t be putting that much power into the hands of any software. I think anyone who agrees to such terms is a fool. And the software’s user agreement says you’re responsible for purchases the software makes in your name. Nope.

Meet my new girlfriend. Her name is Meg. And she’s my little sweetheart. A couple of months ago, a neighbor across the street told me about a new stray in the neighborhood that she and I were both soon feeding. The cat had been very skittish about contact and she had a lot of scabs and parasites in her fur, but a trip to the vet last week revealed that she was otherwise in good health. The vet estimates her to be 1 to 2 years old. I named her for Meg Murry, the 13-year-old protagonist of Madeleine L’Engle’s wonderful book, “A Wrinkle in Time.” (Please read the book. Don’t watch the horrible movie.) Since we lost Lucy almost a year ago, it seems appropriate that we finally have a new little girl to join the household. She’s already captured my heart, but Alex, Oliver and Sam aren’t there quite yet.

There’s nothing socially acceptable that’s as dangerous as drinking alcohol. Most people grow up being told to “drink responsibly” — and all of us see people abusing this drug in one way or another — but the truth is that drinking alcohol is always a terrible risk. The alcohol in these drinks is toxic and the human liver has to work hard to filter the toxins out. What most people don’t realize is that alcohol is classified as a known carcinogen by the World Health Organization — because of the well-established connection between imbibing and various cancers. Many people have taken refuge behind the idea that light or moderate drinking might be safe, but a new study shows that drinking even one drink a day increases the risks of 10 types of cancer. When I was a teen-ager, I looked around and saw the negative effects that this behavior had on a lot of people and decided not to start drinking, so I’ve never even tried this poison. The evidence keeps piling up that I was lucky to have come to that conclusion early.

It turns out that the radical far left has been training “Antifa cats” to sabotage anything important to Donald Trump. Everything he did was perfect. Honest. It was all the cats’ fault. Arrest all the cats! This is the latest of my ridiculous satirical shorts. Please go watch it. Then “like” it and subscribe. Please. I’m begging you. (Too much?) Although a couple of the previous videos have had views in the hundreds, most have still been seen by fewer than 20 people. So I seem to be having trouble letting people know that page exists.

Here’s the latest of my ridiculous parody shorts. It crossed my mind Tuesday to wonder what a slick and fast-talking car dealer might do right now to try to turn the high price of gasoline to his advantage. So I conceived of a fat and lovable character who tried to sell cars that don’t use any fuel — and then I started wondering if it would be funnier if all the characters were felines. Designing the King Cashpaw character took about four hours, but the rest took only another four hours, so this was a relatively quick piece that virtually wrote itself. I know it’s almost impossible for these parody videos to find a larger audience, but at least they amuse me — and there are 19 of them on my YouTube page now. The first few were very limited, but they’re getting more complex.

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