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David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

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What did you want in childhood? Did you abandon those dreams?

By David McElroy · March 19, 2019

When I was 10 years old, all I wanted to do was command a starship and be like Captain James T. Kirk.

I was obsessed with Star Trek reruns. I loved the real-life U.S. space program and I had eagerly watched the moon landings. I loved science and technology and adventure. But my reasons for loving Star Trek went far beyond that.

In Captain Kirk, I saw a template of what I thought I should be. He was tough and brave and smart and principled. He was respected by his crew and his opponents. He was a leader, not because of his rank, but because of his confidence and the way he carried himself.

I wanted to command men and women in the same way. I wanted people to follow me as we did great things. It just seemed so natural.

In his book, “U-Turn: What If You Woke Up One Morning and Realized You Were Living the Wrong Life?,” Bruce Grierson suggests that you’ll find clues about what you ought to be doing now if you’ll look back to what you wanted and what you loved when you were 10 or 12 years old.

Writing for Psychology Today this month, Grierson said he saw a pattern emerge in his research into people who had made mid-life career changes.

“Among the hundreds of stories of midlife career changes I sifted through, the Rule of Age 10 came up over and again,” Grierson said. “These were lives of ‘aha moments’ decades delayed. And of better-late-than-never course corrections, back in the direction of those early enthusiasms, following co-ordinates established before what we ought to do (according to parents and teachers and other well-meaning adults) begins to smother what we loved and who we were.”

Grierson was so struck by this pattern that he gave each of his daughters a journal on her 10th birthday with simple instructions.

“Please, please, record what you’re going through, day by day,” he told them, “in as much detail as you can. That’s going to be your blueprint in about thirty years.”

When I look back at my life, I see that I was on the course of being Captain Kirk — or a pre-starship version of him — in my early life. In everything I did, I was in charge. When I joined groups, I naturally took charge. I gave orders — not in a bossy way, but simply because I knew what to do — and others obeyed. I never questioned why they obeyed. I assume they simply thought I knew what I was doing.

Even as a young man in the newspaper business, I was running a newsroom by the time I was 21. Most people spend years as reporters or photographers or in some specific task-oriented job before they are given the chance to manage. But 50-year-old publisher looked at me as a kid — the youngest person in his newsroom — and put me in charge.

In my 20s, I tried to build a company. I struggled and pushed against forces that made life difficult. By the time I was 30, I did fail — as I’ve talked about here before — and it almost destroyed me.

I got off course at that point. I still had another couple of stints managing people — as general manager of one newspaper and then publisher of another — but I was never the same. I lost the drive and the confidence I had had to lead people in creating new things.

I fell into politics by accident and then spent years working as a consultant. I made good money but it was meaningless. I wasn’t creating anything of value. I wasn’t leading people. That almost destroyed me in a different way.

So who am I? Am I the guy who played it safe by making obscene amounts of money from helping politicians get elected? Am I the guy who’s struggled for the last seven or eight years to figure out where I ought to be?

No, that’s not who I am.

I’ll never have a starship, but I’m still Captain James T. Kirk. I still want to do great things. I still want to lead people. I still want to create things which matter — things which will outlast me. I still want to be someone who’s loved and respected — someone who people are eager to follow.

In 1965, a copy editor for the Cleveland Plain Dealer, Robert Manry, sailed a tiny sailboat — which he bought for only $250 — across the Atlantic from Massachusetts to England. It almost killed him, but Manry had dreamed of making this journey since he was a little boy. He explained to his wife why he had to make the attempt.

“There’s a time when one must decide either to risk everything to fulfill one’s dreams or sit for the rest of one’s life in the backyard,” Manry told her.

I’ll never have my own starship, but I’ve sat in my own backyard for far too long. I’m slowly reclaiming who I really am. The template for who I am — James T. Kirk — has been there in my childhood memory all along, just waiting for me to remember.

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: career, dreams, psychology, Star Trek, starting over

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This was the Monday evening sunset. While I was wa This was the Monday evening sunset. While I was waiting for the right color and light, a swarm of gnats descended on my car. It was like the Hitchcock film “The Birds,” except they were gnats. So I got out of there before things could get ugly. 😺 #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I normally get home by the quickest path that will I normally get home by the quickest path that will take me there, but I wasn’t in the mood today to deal with lots of other drivers. So I skipped I-459 and went across the slower two-lane route of Alabama 119. The drive didn’t cure me of all that ails me, but it was a more pleasant and humane experience, at least for me. #nature #naturephotography #trees #countryroad #birmingham #alabama
The skies are a chaotic mix of blue and dark gray The skies are a chaotic mix of blue and dark gray in Birmingham this afternoon. It was mostly blue earlier, but at times it’s turned almost dark as night — before going back to this mixture of heavy clouds and clear skies. It’s beautiful, but it’s hard to guess what’s about to happen. (The National Weather Service issued a thunderstorm warning, so that’s what those folks think is going to happen.) #nature #naturephotography #sky #clouds #birmingham #alabama
This was the sunset behind the restaurant where I This was the sunset behind the restaurant where I hung out to work for awhile this evening. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
There was just an orange glow for sunset tonight. There was just an orange glow for sunset tonight. Nothing fancy. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
This is what the sky looked like just after sunset This is what the sky looked like just after sunset earlier this evening. I couldn’t decide whether to show you the wider view or the closer view, so you got both. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I caught the last little bit of light Saturday eve I caught the last little bit of light Saturday even just after the sun had gone beneath the horizon. When you watch something such as this, it’s easy to understand why early humans assumed that the sun revolved around us instead of the other way around. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
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As I was almost home — from a very long work day As I was almost home — from a very long work day — I saw this gorgeous sunset over Cedar Grove Baptist Church in Leeds, just a mile or so from my house. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
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For “throwback Thursday, let me introduce you to For “throwback Thursday, let me introduce you to Sam. In 2009, I took in a young feral cat who I named for the early American revolutionary Samuel Adams. He was one of the most confident — downright arrogant, in fact — cats I’ve ever been around. He had an amazing personality and I immediately loved him. He was no more than 8 or 9 months old when he suddenly died for reasons that my vet couldn’t explain. Even though I had him only a short time, he was one of my all-time favorites. #tbt #cats #tabby #feral #birmingham #alabama
I’ve never been as curious about what a cat migh I’ve never been as curious about what a cat might be thinking as I constantly am about Merlin. As I watch him sitting here on the edge of my desk late Wednesday night, I can’t help but conclude he’s a very deep thinker. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Lucy has been happily rolling around in the freshl Lucy has been happily rolling around in the freshly cut grass of the back yard Wednesday evening. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
Thomas believes that he is the Most Interesting Ca Thomas believes that he is the Most Interesting Cat in the World — and I can’t say he’s wrong tonight. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Merlin is ready for me to turn the last of the off Merlin is ready for me to turn the last of the office lights off so he and Thomas can sleep peacefully without me muttering to myself as I write. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Lucy just finished a Neighborhood Watch patrol and Lucy just finished a Neighborhood Watch patrol and now she’s cooling off in the back yard before heading inside for dinner. Her work is never done. #dog #dogs #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram #cute #cutedog #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instadog #ilovedogs #birmingham #alabama
Except when he’s asleep, Thomas always looks as Except when he’s asleep, Thomas always looks as though he’s on high alert and ready to run away from danger. His feral early years still dominate his internal programming. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
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My favorite photos of Merlin tend to be those — My favorite photos of Merlin tend to be those — such as this one — in which he seems to be contemplating difficult issues. Feline philosophy or quantum physics or something else that he figures I wouldn’t understand. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #merlin2024 #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama #caturday
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On a live awards show Sunday night, one man made a joke about a female celebrity. The husband of the celebrity was offended and hit the man who made the joke. Or maybe it was staged for entertainment. Who knows? Who cares? Social media is full of discussion — and even arguments — about this idiocy today. This baffles me. Let’s assume for a moment that the event happened as reported. People have been having such idiotic fights ever since there have been humans. Half the bars in the world see such brief dustups regularly. It simply doesn’t matter. The fact that so many people believe they need to talk about this — or even need to have opinions about it — is more evidence of the bizarre media brainwashing that convinces many to care passionately about brain-dead trivia. Your life will be happier and saner if you focus on yourself, your family and your friends, not on whatever scripted (or spontaneous) bilge that the media wants to pipe into your home.

I’m in the middle of migrating this website to new servers this week. This means you might encounter some unexpected behavior until I get all the bugs worked out. Clicking on my links (including this one) might cause your browser to give you the message that it’s a site without a current security certificate. It’s not actually unsafe, but there’s something which isn’t yet set up for the security certificate. I apologize for any such errors you might encounter while the process is going on. If you notice any problems with content which didn’t migrate properly, I would appreciate you letting me know the details at davidmcelroy@mac.com. Thanks for your patience.

I often wonder what animals think when they look at us and consider the society we’ve created. Yes, I know this is fanciful and unrealistic, but what if they could? Would they be astounded at how we treat each other? Would they be disgusted by the ugliness and pettiness which fill so many of our daily interactions? The truth is that I’m feeling pretty disgusted with humanity tonight. I made the mistake of reading some online interactions that I should have avoided — and it sickened me. The people involved appeared to be vile and stupid and arrogant. I wish I could pretend they’re a tiny minority, but I know better. It’s times such as this when I most need to escape much of “civilization” and disconnect from their world. If humans are going to be worthy of “ruling this planet,” we have a lot of growth to do. And I fear that growth is nowhere in sight. So my buddy Thomas, above, and all of his friends would be right to judge us harshly — and to think, “Why do you folks get to be in charge?”

I should have expected this, but I honestly didn’t. The article I wrote last week about disagreements over treatment for autistic children brought me angry emails. You could almost call it “hate mail.” Of the five emails about it so far, two have been to tell me that I’m wrong to even listen to critics of the most popular therapy for autistic children — and the other three tell me I’m wrong for not condemning the treatment as the “obvious” abuse it is. If you read the article, you know I didn’t take a position on the issue, because I simply don’t know enough to have an opinion. But by talking about the issue, I stepped into a heated controversy. The emails from the two sides convinced me of nothing. But they did give me even more empathy for the unfortunate parents who have to figure out for themselves where the truth lies for their children.

Have you ever had what you thought was a new idea — and then discovered that “old you” had the same idea years ago? I had that experience tonight. And it’s been wonderful. I came up with an idea tonight for a very short satirical film that would be a promotion for a fictitious college. The point is to make the college promote — as good things — everything which is actually terrible about most modern colleges. Then I remembered a fake college that I invented back when I was in college. I had created student recruitment brochures and various newsletters back then, so I decided to call my “new” college by the same name I’d invented years ago: Ochita College. As I searched my computer for any old material I might still have about Ochita from the past, I discovered an email I sent to someone in 2009 — outlining essentially the same idea which I came up with tonight. Since I didn’t remember writing that, it felt like magic. So my next film project just might be this one instead. If all goes well, you might soon see “Ochita College: Your Future Starts Here.” This should be fun.

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