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David McElroy

An Alien Sent to Observe the Human Race

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Advocating peace requires more than hating those who start wars

By David McElroy · January 7, 2020

If you just hate the people who start wars, you’re ultimately no better than they are.

The cultural reality is that political conservatives are more likely to advocate going to war — especially during a Republican administration — and progressive leftists are more likely to express strong hatred for warmongers — if they happen to be Republicans.

And those two sides hate each other. The “pro-war” people and the “pro-peace” people both tend to be full of hate. There‘s something fundamentally wrong with that.

I detest Donald Trump. I had a strong disregard and disrespect for the man long before it was ever suggested that he run for president. He is a loathsome and dysfunctional liar and narcissist. His ego and his lack of political skills might be leading us into a war right now — a war which I don’t want.

But I do not hate Trump. I don’t hate the Iranian crowds who are chanting, “Death to America!”

Even if I detest the actions of people on both sides, I am making the difficult choice to love them — because hatred is what puts us where we are right now.

Very few people today seem interested in understanding those who disagree with them. The attitude seems to be that “those people” are obviously wrong and stupid and evil, no matter which side you’re on.

The truth is that intelligent and well-meaning people can disagree with one another, but if they don’t take the time to understand their differences, it’s easy to take the path toward dehumanization and hatred.

Tonight, I see a lot of hatred all around. A lot of conservatives are expressing hate for the Iranians and expressing the desire to “nuke ’em ’til they glow.” A lot of anti-war people are expressing hate for Trump and John Bolton and a whole host of characters who they blame for putting us where we are.

But if you want peace long term, it has to be about more than just being against something. It has to be about working for something positive. And as hard as this is to hear on a night with a lot of fear and anger in the air, that something positive is love.

If you’re a Christian, it’s wise to take Jesus seriously when he tells us to love our enemies. In the Sermon on the Mount, he was very clear about this.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy,’” Jesus said, according to the Book of Matthew. “But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.”

As far as I can tell, that applies to Trump and it applies to Iranians.

I don’t want a war. I don’t support or admire the politicians — from various administrations going back for a century, both Republican and Democratic — who have created this conflict. But I don’t hate any of them.

I want real peace — and real peace has to start with me. I have to love these people, whether I like them or agree with them or not.

I hope you will consider the idea that peace and love have to start with you.

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Tyler Barnes will never be a basketball star. He probably peaked as a star high school player in Louisville, Ky. But for the last four years, he’s been a walk-on player for the University of Alabama. He’s a chemical engineering major with lots of academic honors who rides the bench because he loves being part of a team. He sometimes gets into games with a minute or two to go, but only if Alabama has a big lead. This Saturday, it was senior day for Alabama basketball, so it was his last chance to play in Coleman Coliseum. Alabama Coach Nate Oats says that one of the team starter’s came to him an hour before the game started — and fellow senior Alex Reese asked Oats if Barnes could start in his place for this one game. Even though the game was huge for Alabama, which is ranked No. 6 in the country and trying to wrap up an SEC title, Oats agreed. Barnes started and played the first three minutes, grabbing what was only the fourth rebound of his career and missing his only shot. Barnes has a great future as an engineer, but you’ll never again hear from him as a basketball player. For three shining minutes Saturday, though, he was a starter for a top-10 college basketball team — and his parents were in the stands from Kentucky to see it. There’s a lot of ugliness in college basketball right now, but this story makes me happy.

It was five years ago tonight when Lucy first rode in the car with me. She was on her way to her “forever home” with me that night, but she didn’t know it, so she was terrified. It was a much happier and braver girl who took a ride in the car tonight so we could go through a drive-through window and order a hamburger for her — to celebrate five years with me. She had a great time. If she could remember five years ago tonight, she would be proud of how far she’s come, too. If you’d like to know more about Lucy’s journey from scared dog to brave queen of the household, here’s something I wrote after her first year with me. I’m hoping this girl will have many more happy years with me.

I’ve never been attracted to skinny women. There’s nothing wrong with someone who’s naturally thin, but it’s never been my preference. What has shocked me, though, is the judgment I’ve heard from women all through my life — about themselves and others — about who’s “fat.” I concluded long ago that most women in our culture have been brainwashed to believe that skinny is attractive — and that anything other than skinny is ugly. I first assumed that I was the oddball — for preferring women with bigger and heavier bodies — but I’m coming to the conclusion that most men naturally feel this way to one extent or another. I just ran across new research by a couple of Northwestern University psychology professors that shows that women seriously overestimate how much a straight man will be attracted to a skinny woman. In a perfect world, we would all be at a healthy weight, but when it comes to attractiveness, too heavy is more attractive than skinny. At least to me — and to a lot of men, too.

Years ago, I heard a question that seemed very insightful at the time. You’ve probably heard it, too. What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail? The question is intended to help you uncover things you really want to do, but which you’re afraid to try — for fear of failure. In an interview today, I heard the great marketing guru Seth Godin give a different point of view. He said the better question is to ask what you would do even if you knew it would fail. That struck me as far more insightful than the original version. We ought to be doing what we know is right, not what will maximize our success or praise from others. There are some battles that are worth fighting even if you believe you’re doomed to failure. Those battles are often for love or important ideas or our children. Some things are simply worth fighting for — and the truth is that you might win anyway. Do the right thing. Take the chance.

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