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Meeting with dead man left me pondering choices of life, death

By David McElroy · December 10, 2020

I met a dead man in a dream a few nights ago. I don’t know who he is, but I have a feeling I’ll meet him when I die.

I’ve had death on my mind a lot recently. I’d like to say that I don’t know why, but that’s not entirely true. I’ve had death on my mind because I’m afraid of dying — and there’s a growing part of me that fears death could be closer than I think.

I’ve never wanted to die, but I’ve always believed I had many decades yet to live. Lately, though, I’ve felt a horrible, gnawing fear of imminent death. This terrifies me, because I don’t want to die. I haven’t lived yet.

I don’t know who the dead man was, but I know he went to a lot of trouble to find me. He somehow asked me to come to a small place — a room which seemed like the waiting room of an old railway station — which was the only place where the dead and the living could talk.

I don’t know how to explain the place. It was a building that was at the very edge of the world of the living. On the other side was the world of the dead. Both the living and the dead could enter that waiting room to speak with one another, but neither group could cross over to the other side.

It was just this one tiny place where the dead and the living could exist at the same time. Maybe there were other such places. Maybe not. I just knew that this man had somehow called me to this room.

I didn’t know where I was going before I got there. I was following my instincts. I knew something was drawing me to the place that I’d never heard of and certainly had never seen. I walked there. As soon as I saw the modest building — which reminded me of a small-town railway depot from a hundred years ago — I knew someone was meeting me inside.

I stepped through the door. Inside, I found pairs of people sitting around the room — always pairs, never groups, never singles — talking quietly in serious tones.

And then I saw one lone man standing on the other side. He looked directly at me — and I knew he was the one who had asked me to come.

He never told me his name. At least, I don’t recall that he did. I can’t remember a lot of what he had to say. It was all a blur, but it all felt meaningful. I can’t tell you much about what he looked like, but he looked like any other normal man. About 45 years old. Casually dressed, like the sort of person who’d rather be in jeans than a suit or tie.

He told me we didn’t have long. I asked him whether that meant the time we had in this room was limited.

“I’m not allowed to stay here very long,” he said, “and your time to stay out there…” — he pointed to the world of the living, from which I’d come — “…is more limited than you might think. It ended for me far sooner than I ever thought it would. You can’t count on anything when you’re alive.”

He didn’t waste time. He told me he had asked me there because he wanted my help, but he told me I needed help, too, even if I didn’t realize it yet.

“There’s someone out there who I want you to take care of,” he said.

Without any preliminaries — such as her name or her connection to him — the man started explaining why this woman needed my help. He was vague about a lot, but he claimed she would die without intervention. He wouldn’t explain why it should be me to help her.

Then he told me that I was in danger and needed help more than I could possibly know.

“Unless you make changes in your life, you’re going to join me over here way sooner than you ought to,” he said. “And if you do that, you can’t help her.”

He wouldn’t explain that, but he told me that’s why I’ve been thinking so much about death. He told me it was a premonition, but it didn’t have to go that way — if I made changes in my life.

I asked him where I would find this woman and what help I was supposed to give her.

“Your heart knows,” he said. “I can’t tell you. I’m not allowed to say that much, but if you don’t already know, you’ll know when the time is right.”

He reminded me of a time in my past when I almost chose to marry a woman but couldn’t make the commitment. He told me I was going to face another moment of decision like that.

“Make the right decision this time,” he said. “Save yourself — and help me save someone who I love more than I loved my own life over there. You two can save each other.”

He told me to trust myself and do what I knew was right.

“Son, I’m not allowed to enter your world and save her myself,” he said. “If I could do that, I’d give up my very existence to save her from herself. I don’t have much hope in you, but you’re the best I have. I’m begging you not to mess this up. It means too much to me.”

And then we were leaving without warning. I was walking out the door on the way back to the world of the living. From the other side of the room — where he was about to go out the opposite door to the world of the dead — he called out to me once more.

“When you get over to my side, I’ll explain everything I wish I could tell you now,” he said. “Make sure she knows I love her!”

When I stepped outside, I was back in normal space. When I looked behind me, the building was gone. If it was there, I couldn’t find it. Either way, I had already been given all I could get from this ghostly encounter.

I don’t know why I dreamed that. In my heart, I think it was more than a dream, but I can’t prove that. I don’t know what this kind and loving man wants me to do. I don’t know who he wants me to help.

For the last couple of days, I haven’t felt like myself. My thinking has been fuzzy and lethargic. I’ve been forgetful. I don’t feel good in some undefined way. I feel so exhausted — in a deep down way in my soul — that I almost feel as though I’m going to just go to sleep and never wake up.

And such thoughts scare me — because I don’t want to die.

I’m not ready. I don’t like my life as it is now. It’s not a life that feels worth living, at least when I think about it tonight. But maybe it can be different. I don’t know how.

I feel beaten down. Emotionally exhausted. Spiritually tired. Physically weak. I don’t have much of the hope that has sustained me so well in the past. I don’t want to live this way.

I believe I’ll meet this dead man again once I’ve died. Then I’ll know who he is. I’ll know all the things he couldn’t tell me. Even though he doesn’t seem to have much hope that I can save this woman who he loves, I hope I can surprise him.

And if I save her, maybe I can save myself, too. It’s a crazy notion — and maybe it’s just a crazy dream from a crazy man’s unconscious — but having some hope in that is better than just waiting for death.

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Future Photo Display

As part of my effort to rid my life of social media, I will no longer display links to my two Instagram accounts here. Those accounts will be dormant for the time being and will eventually be deleted. I plan to have a method for displaying photos here instead, but the solutions I’ve tested so far have been disappointing. I’m still working on it.

My Instagram

I need some new portraits of myself, so I tried a I need some new portraits of myself, so I tried a few shots after I got home late Monday night. This one wasn’t great, so I’ll try again later, but I can use it until I have time to shoot another. I was too lazy to light this one properly — and it shows. 😺
Sunset, Leeds, Alabama — August 27, 2026 Sunset, Leeds, Alabama — August 27, 2026
Sunset, Leeds, Alabama — August 19, 2026 Sunset, Leeds, Alabama — August 19, 2026
When I got home at midnight Monday, I was doing so When I got home at midnight Monday, I was doing some work in the studio and Oliver wanted to join me, so I showed him around to acclimate him to the place again. He rarely goes in there, but I have pictures of him in that studio on the night I brought him home as a kitten. 😺
Earlier this week, I found two photos of Lucy and Earlier this week, I found two photos of Lucy and me that I had never seen. I loved finding the pictures, but seeing these photos left me thinking about the effect it has on us when we lose an animal we love — and it was also a reminder of how much my life has changed for the last nine months it’s been since I lost her. I wrote an essay about this. You can find it as the most recent post at davidmcelroy.org right now if you’re interested. I really do miss this sweet girl.
When I take lightning pictures, I’m always hoping When I take lightning pictures, I’m always hoping to get just one usable photo, but I got two dramatic images tonight. You might recognize the water tower and communication tower that you’ve seen in many of my sunset photos. This is about a mile from my house in Leeds, which is just east of Birmingham.
For those who are in places where it’s miserably h For those who are in places where it’s miserably hot today, here is a minute of light rain and gentle thunder from my back yard late Saturday afternoon. It’s very relaxing to stand at my back door and watch this, especially since the heat is pretty mild today — 80 degrees (about 26 celsius) — for July in the American South.
Alex was willing to cooperate with me for a new po Alex was willing to cooperate with me for a new portrait late Wednesday night. It’s been roughly three and a half years now since the cold night when I was able to lure him out from behind a garbage dumpster into a trap — but I don’t think he’s sorry at this point that he fell for the trick. 😺
This is the face of a man who’s thrilled that the This is the face of a man who’s thrilled that the weekend is finally here. It was a very long (and productive) week, but the time has finally come that I have time to write and read and think. Late Friday night, I’m at the McDonald’s near my house with a Diet Dr Pepper and a MacBook. For me, it’s like Cheers without the booze.
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Late Wednesday night, Meg is relaxing on the bed w Late Wednesday night, Meg is relaxing on the bed while I write in the bedroom. Every now and then, Oliver cruises by the foot of the bed and she takes off to chase him — then seems to remember that he has “boy cooties” and breaks off the chase. She seems pretty happy to be here as she finishes Day 22 in the house with us.
Just before midnight, Meg is purring in my arms as Just before midnight, Meg is purring in my arms as we hang out together in the bedroom. She’s a photogenic little girl.
Meg is just hanging out in the office on the castl Meg is just hanging out in the office on the castle Tuesday afternoon. That’s Sam on the mantle behind her. Today marks three weeks since she came inside and went to the vet, but it seems as though she’s been here much longer than that.
From the CritterCam: I just checked the webcam as From the CritterCam: I just checked the webcam as I was trying to get to sleep. Alex has firm control of then cat bed, but Oliver seems to be stalking him in an intimidating fashion — which doesn’t seem the least bit intimidating to Alex. Every cat seems certain that he or she deserves exactly what he or she wants. We humans could learn a lot about confidence from felines.
I love how relaxed and confident Meg is when she h I love how relaxed and confident Meg is when she hangs ou in my lap. This is just before midnight Monday night. Tomorrow will mark her third full week with us. I’d say she’s pretty happy with this transition, even if she’s still wary of her brothers some of the time. I actually saw her charge Oliver briefly tonight — and he got out of her way. So she’s learning.
Just before sunset, Meg and I have been spying on Just before sunset, Meg and I have been spying on one of the neighbors who was out in her yard across the street. Meg seems to be quite a natural at this Neighborhood Watch stuff.
From the CritterCam: The webcam on my desk just ca From the CritterCam: The webcam on my desk just caught Sam climbing to the top of my desk at 2:45 a.m. to see whether the cat bed was open, but he found a “no vacancy” sign in the form of a sleeping Alex. I guarantee he’ll be back when Alex moves in a bit. I love watching these guys go back and forth over who gets that little bed.
I was just lying down on the bed Sunday evening wh I was just lying down on the bed Sunday evening when I felt Meg jump onto the bed with me. She was apparently curious what in the world I was doing on the bed this early in the night, so she was coming to investigate.
When I got home late Saturday night, Meg relaxed a When I got home late Saturday night, Meg relaxed and purred in my arms for a few minutes. I love the way she casually relaxes those little mittens when I hold her.
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The company that owns Facebook and Instagram is heavily promoting its new AI-based software assistant called Muse, but people who are using it as it was designed are incredibly foolish. An early adopter of the software discovered that a few days ago when he advertised an item for sale on Facebook Marketplace — and he inadvertently gave Muse full authority to act on his behalf. The software agreed to a lowball offer made by another Facebook user and then gave that man the home address of the man for whom he was an agent. The software told the buyer that the seller was home and waiting for him. When the buyer showed up and waited angrily, the would-be buyer left an angry review for the man. And this angry man had the seller’s home address. It was only well after that that the software reported what it had done and admitted it had made a mistake. I won’t be putting that much power into the hands of any software. I think anyone who agrees to such terms is a fool. And the software’s user agreement says you’re responsible for purchases the software makes in your name. Nope.

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