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David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

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Was he angry to lose his family? Or because he lost his control?

By David McElroy · January 5, 2021

I didn’t pay much attention to the two women who sat near me at dinner. They weren’t eating anything, but they sat talking quietly in the dining room. It was a slow night, so the fast food restaurant was almost empty.

One of the women stood — almost nervously — as a man came in to join them. He had the air of someone who liked to give orders and who thought he should be obeyed. It wasn’t a friendly meeting.

“Why is she here?” the man hissed angrily to the woman who was still seated.

“Holly asked me to come so she wouldn’t be alone,“ the standing woman replied in a tone that made it sound as though she was trying to avoid trouble.

The man sat at the table and I couldn’t hear exactly where the conversation went at first. The seated woman pulled some papers out from a manilla envelope. She pushed the documents toward the man without much explanation.

Everything suddenly clicked. Holly and the angry man were starting to go through a divorce.

Until a few days ago, I had never heard of Divorce Day. It’s the first working Monday of a new year and that’s when a lot of divorce proceedings apparently kick off. Some lawyers and therapists say it’s a myth, but others say it’s a very real thing.

Some say that it seems some unhappy married people are resolute about starting the new year by taking this step. Others say the spike happens because a lot of people don’t start the process until Christmas is over, simply because they don’t want to “spoil the holiday” for family members and especially for children.

I don’t know the details of what was going on — or why they had to meet tonight — but Holly was the one leaving him. I heard her call him Jack a couple of times. They were probably around 40 years old.

The woman who was Holly’s moral support had to go to her car to get something. Holly looked down at the table, then she looked outside as though she was looking for her friend. She didn’t seem to want to look at Jack. She didn’t seem to want to say more than she had to.

“You said you would never leave me,” Jack abruptly said without context. “You’re supposed to be mine, no matter what happens.”

Holly finally looked up and seemed to meet his eyes.

“Nobody should have to live with what I’ve had from you for seven years,” she said. “You’re a bad husband and a worse father. I can’t take it. I deserve better. I know that now.”

“You knew who I was when you married me,” Jack said. “You didn’t mind it when all your friends thought I was the great catch from a rich family. You worshipped me.”

Holly was quiet for a long moment.

“I’ve grown up since then, Jack,” she said. “Your childish ways seemed funny then. I thought being married would make you mature. I’ve matured and I’ve changed. I thought you would change, too. That sounds dumb now, but I really did.”

“But you knew who I was and you promised to stick with me,” Jack said with anger. “You promised. You can’t leave me.”

“We’ve been through this,” she said.

Holly started to say something else, but she stopped.

Then the other woman came back inside. She had a small box that she handed to Jack, who took the box without opening it. Then the two women stood to leave.

“You said you wouldn’t ever leave me,” Jack said again. He sounded angry, but he also sounded as though he was accustomed to the woman obeying him. It wasn’t clear whether he was upset that his marriage was ending or that Holly would no longer obey him. He looked at her almost like one might look at a toy that had stopped working.

The two women got up and left without much else being said. Jack sat there watching them as they got into a car to drive away. Then his phone rang.

“Hey, Jessie!” he said brightly. “Yeah, I’m through with the bitch. I’m coming your way now. I already got a bottle of wine and I’m ready for some lovin’ from you, little girl.”

Jack was still on the phone as he walked out. He wasn’t skipping a beat as he went from one failed relationship directly to the next. Some people never learn from their mistakes.

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We are ruled by the dumbest and most incompetent people among us — and we have a system which allows stupid and irresponsible people to force the costs of their idiocy onto smarter and wiser people. Can we get away with that? Yes, for quite some time. But we eventually reach a point at which the dumbest of the dumb — who are habitual liars and mentally ill fools — lead us to the disasters and destruction that some of us have seen coming for years. We are approaching that point. And yet most of the idiots around us still wave their rhetorical banners of support for the evil people who are leading us to ruin — and all of them point their fingers at someone else, never noticing that their own enthusiastic support of evil is to blame. When things finally fall apart, blame yourself for your blindness to the evil, not whoever happens to be in power when it happens.

I’ve been making some changes to the site lately and there are more changes coming in the days ahead, so don’t be surprised if you some small differences. This is not a wholesale redesign, but rather the addition of some features. Since they’re smarter than I am, I’ve put Oliver and Alex in charge of the technical work, which you can see in this action photo from the control room of our media complex. I recently added a series of landing pages for readers who randomly discover the site from an Internet search. I’ve also changed the YouTube link at the top of the page to go to the new YouTube channel for video essays that reflect things I’ve already published here. (Here’s a little bit about both of the YouTube channels I’m working on.) In addition, I’m trying to move away from using Instagram, so I’m experimenting with photo plug-ins that will eventually allow me to host the pictures — cats, dogs, sunsets, whatever — that I often take. So don’t be surprised to see more changes. Thanks for your patience. Let’s hope Alex and Oliver know what they’re doing.

I have no use for the theocratic and repressive government of Iran. The people who run the country are cruel at best and evil at worst. The Iranian people deserve freedom. But I have no personal quarrel with anybody in Iran. While I’m not thrilled about a future Iranian government having nuclear weapons, I’m just as concerned about nukes in the hands of politicians in Israel, Pakistan, India, China and Russia. I’m not even thrilled with the U.S., Britain and France having them, either, because I don’t trust any politicians to be responsible with such terrible weapons. All I can say with certainty is that American taxpayers have no business attacking Iran, especially since we’re being forced to pay for this attack in order to benefit the politicians of Israel — and nobody else. If Middle Eastern countries want to fight among themselves, that’s none of my business. It’s not the business of the U.S. government, either. I have no quarrel with anybody in Iran — and having the government which claims to represent me launch an unprovoked attack against a sovereign country will only make all Americans less safe in the near future. This attack is poorly conceived and morally unjustified. Remember that when the Iranians launch attacks that we will then condemn as “terrorism.” What the U.S. is doing right now looks like terrorism to me. And let’s not forget that the attack is the latest in a long line of unconstitutional wars by various U.S. presidents — who have no legal power to declare war on their own, according to the U.S. Constitution.

A child having a tantrum understands only one thing: Did I get my way or not? He doesn’t understand the issues involved. He doesn’t understand the reasons that went into a decision. He doesn’t understand any of the things that mature and reasonable adults have to understand in order to live healthy lives. By his reaction to the U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling to strike down his disastrous tariff scheme, Donald Trump shows himself to be — once more — a screaming child having a tantrum. Outside the world of mob bosses who expect to get their way every time, normal adults don’t act this way, but Trump isn’t normal. He’s an angry and vengeful man who has narcissistic personality disorder. And we are in danger as a result. Trump doesn’t understand the legal issues involved in this ruling. He doesn’t understand economics. He doesn’t understand rule of law. He doesn’t understand that he can ever be wrong. All he understands is that he didn’t get his way. And he is now a narcissistic and raging little boy who also happens to hold life-and-death power over most humans on this planet. He’s dangerous — and the system which gives him that power is even more dangerous.

Is it an attempt to blur the gender line between men and women? Or is it some weird tribute to the traditional Scottish kilt? It’s hard to say, but fashion designers keep pushing for men to wear skirts in the last few years. Both men and women in modern fashion seem oddly androgynous, as though it would be offensive for a man to look manly or for a woman to look feminine. A CNN article about the latest fashions from Paris caught my attention Monday and left me wondering about the ugly clothes the designers are hawking. If a man wants to wear a skirt — or a kilt — that’s OK with me, but I’ll stick with a traditional dark suit with a white shirt and tie. (Well, when I’m not wearing t-shirts and sweats, of course.) I always wonder who actually buys the outlandish garb from fashion designers anyway. I would be humiliated to be seen in any of this stuff, but I obviously have no sense of high fashion.

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