How one woman’s grand gesture for love turned into a nightmare

By David McElroy · June 18, 2021

Where’s the line between pursuing love and asking for public humiliation? Author Rebecca Renner walked that line about four weeks ago — and she fell off onto the wrong side.

Renner did something straight out of a romantic comedy — the kind with an emotional and dramatic ending. On May 21, she told her 125,000 Twitter followers that she was about to take a big risk for love.

“Last night, a personal tragedy reminded me that life is uncertain and too [expletive] short,” Renner tweeted. “So I booked a plane ticket, and I’m about to fly across the country to tell the love of my life how I feel. Wish me luck! And don’t wait another day to tell those you love that you love them.”

There was an outpouring of support from people who followed her trip and excitedly awaited the outcome. A lot of people who’ve wanted a romantic story for themselves were eager to live through her boldness.

It wasn’t too long before Renner reported what happened — and her mood had changed. She posted the photo above with a brief report.

“Well, this is me in my [expletive] motel room after getting rejected,” Renner tweeted. “I don’t know whether to be sad or angry, but I’ll live to love another day. Hopefully that love will be for someone who values it. Sorry to disappoint you, Twitter.”

After a firestorm of condemnation and ridicule for her, Renner announced that she was taking a month off of social media. She hasn’t been back since.

I didn’t find out about this story until a few days after it happened, but it struck me in an emotional way. I didn’t quite admire her the way the earliest replies did, but I also didn’t condemn her the way the later replies did.

I guess I just had a sick feeling that I could almost see myself doing something so incredibly foolish. The only difference is that even if I’d done it, I would know not to talk about it until it was over.

I’m an idealist and a romantic. I’ve gone through enough heartbreak and loss that I don’t want to see how things could be. It hurts to know how good things could be. I’d rather be a cold, hard cynic, but I simply can’t be.

I will always have a soft spot in my heart for people who pursue the things they love, the things they need, the things they long for.

There’s a part of me that wants to make fun of Renner — to point out that she came across as a dysfunctional and emotional woman who did something crazy. That’s an easy interpretation and I couldn’t quite argue with someone who wanted to make that case.

But I understand why she did it.

I look at the photo she posted with the original tweet — the one below — and I think about how she must have felt behind those eyes. Something happened in her life — some tragedy, maybe a death — to remind her that life is short. Whatever it was made her realize how much she needed to use every precious day — and that reminded her that she needed to take a chance on the love she needed.

I know what it’s like to feel that. I know what it’s like to need that — to feel the clock of life ticking, to feel as though I’m waiting for life to start, to feel as though I can’t live another day without the love I need.

I know how she must’ve felt. I understood what drove her. And there’s a part of me that wishes I could act out that desperation by taking an insane chance.

And even though I don’t know this woman — and nothing about her life will ever intersect mine — I feel heartbroken for her that she couldn’t have the love she needed. There is no deprivation — no unfilled hunger — that’s quite like that.

I also know that I’m too pragmatic to take the chance she took. If I can’t know that someone wants me, I can’t announce to the world that I’m flying across the country to humiliate myself.

Being a human being is difficult. Even if you take no risks, you’re going to get hurt. But if you live with courage and take big chances to win the things you need, you’re going to be hurt even more.

Which risks are worth taking? I can’t decide for you. I can barely even decide for myself.

I’m cynical enough to want to take no chances anymore, but I’m idealistic enough to know I’ll take some more anyway — because I’m enough of a romantic to believe that some big chance is finally going to pay off. And I’ll finally find the right love.

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The late Steve Jobs was at the center of our culture’s transition from analog to digital. He co-founded Apple Computer. He led the team that revolutionized personal computing with the first Macintosh. As CEO of Apple, he led the development of the iPhone and later the iPad. You would think the children of such a man would be surrounded by technology. But Jobs and his wife Laureen didn’t let their children use iPads. Their home had few screens of any kind. Even though Jobs spent most of his time developing and selling Macs and iPhones and iPads, he was home with his wife and children for dinner when he was in town. The family ate together at a simple wooden table in their kitchen — and there were no digital devices or focus on popular culture. Instead, he’s said to have guided his family toward deep discussions of art, philosophy and education — with no iPads to be found. If the man who guided the development of such products chose a different path for his own children, does that suggest that his digital experience taught him that children need human connection, not screens? And does it suggest the possibility that we might be better off if we made the same choice for our families?

For four years, Donald Trump’s supporters screamed that everything that went wrong was the fault of Joe Biden. They were sometimes right and they were sometimes delusional. (Anybody who knows me understands that I can’t stand Biden any more than I can stand Trump, just for different reasons.) But for two months, Trump has rampaged through U.S. political life — vandalizing pretty much everything in sight — and the vast majority of his supporters are silent at best. Many watch as he blows up the world economy and they make excuses for him. They’re in absolute denial, even about things that Trump is doing very intentionally. Anybody who understands economics and history knows that tariffs are a terrible idea from a pragmatic point of view. Anybody who values individual freedom knows that tariffs are massive taxes on individuals — and they’re a tool of political control over the ability of people to trade freely. Trump is the antithesis of everything which political conservatives stood for just a few years ago. It’s far past time for people who claim to be conservatives to reclaim the principles and values which they used to claim — and stop this mad man before he can accelerate the day when we experience economic and social collapse. Open your eyes to reality and reject this lying narcissist.

On a live awards show Sunday night, one man made a joke about a female celebrity. The husband of the celebrity was offended and hit the man who made the joke. Or maybe it was staged for entertainment. Who knows? Who cares? Social media is full of discussion — and even arguments — about this idiocy today. This baffles me. Let’s assume for a moment that the event happened as reported. People have been having such idiotic fights ever since there have been humans. Half the bars in the world see such brief dustups regularly. It simply doesn’t matter. The fact that so many people believe they need to talk about this — or even need to have opinions about it — is more evidence of the bizarre media brainwashing that convinces many to care passionately about brain-dead trivia. Your life will be happier and saner if you focus on yourself, your family and your friends, not on whatever scripted (or spontaneous) bilge that the media wants to pipe into your home.

I’m in the middle of migrating this website to new servers this week. This means you might encounter some unexpected behavior until I get all the bugs worked out. Clicking on my links (including this one) might cause your browser to give you the message that it’s a site without a current security certificate. It’s not actually unsafe, but there’s something which isn’t yet set up for the security certificate. I apologize for any such errors you might encounter while the process is going on. If you notice any problems with content which didn’t migrate properly, I would appreciate you letting me know the details at davidmcelroy@mac.com. Thanks for your patience.

I often wonder what animals think when they look at us and consider the society we’ve created. Yes, I know this is fanciful and unrealistic, but what if they could? Would they be astounded at how we treat each other? Would they be disgusted by the ugliness and pettiness which fill so many of our daily interactions? The truth is that I’m feeling pretty disgusted with humanity tonight. I made the mistake of reading some online interactions that I should have avoided — and it sickened me. The people involved appeared to be vile and stupid and arrogant. I wish I could pretend they’re a tiny minority, but I know better. It’s times such as this when I most need to escape much of “civilization” and disconnect from their world. If humans are going to be worthy of “ruling this planet,” we have a lot of growth to do. And I fear that growth is nowhere in sight. So my buddy Thomas, above, and all of his friends would be right to judge us harshly — and to think, “Why do you folks get to be in charge?”

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