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David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

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For me, money always comes best when I’m pursuing higher purpose

By David McElroy · December 30, 2021

For half an hour, I had forced myself to listen to something I cared nothing about. Hal and I were talking about some new technologies for capturing real estate sales leads from our website. He’s the owner of the realty company where I work and we talk about technology quite a bit.

But this time, the discussion was purely based on finding sales leads and automating the sales funnel to turn leads into clients. The technology is powerful and realistic. I suspect it will work for us. There’s a very good chance it will be profitable.

But the truth is that I simply didn’t care.

Hal has a sales background. In fact, he’s probably the best salesperson I’ve ever known. He enjoys the process. In fact, he gets excited about it.

But as we talked — and I tried to make myself care about what we were talking about — I suddenly had a moment of clarity.

I don’t care about making money, at least for its own sake. I care about ideas. I care about causes. I care about fighting a good fight for something I believe in. When that makes money for me, it’s a nice benefit.

But I’m never going to care about making money as an end in itself.

All of a sudden, I understood something about my past (and my present) which had seemed to escape me until now.

I used to make a nice living. I wasn’t wealthy, but I made a nice income. When I worked in politics, I made between $100,000 and $150,000 a year, depending on the campaign cycle. It was nice money and I had a good time, because I was competitive and I thought I was doing something good.

I had to get out of politics because I no longer believed in what I was doing. For the last few years I was doing it, I stayed with it merely for the money. What had once been exciting and enjoyable became drudgery. By the end, I wasn’t even calling potential clients back — when they called me first. I just couldn’t force myself to keep doing work that had come to feel so dirty and wrong.

For most of the last decade, I’ve struggled to figure out how to get back to the income I once had. For the last four or five years — I’ve lost track of the exact time right now — I’ve been in real estate. The opportunities have been very good, but I’m nowhere close to making the money I had expected.

Tonight, I understand why.

When I owned a couple of small newspapers — many years ago — I often worked between 100 and 110 hours a week. It was a grueling schedule and my body couldn’t keep it up forever, but I did it gladly, because I was doing something I loved. I was doing something which seemed important to me.

I was going to build a great newspaper and then make other great newspapers, building a company that I thought would matter — to me and to my readers. I knew that would make me wealthy and powerful, but that wasn’t my purpose. It was a side effect.

When I think back on my life, every time I’ve been successful at something, it’s been because I thought what I was doing mattered. Those things were often mixed with ego gratification and the desire for power and success, but I was fueled by the desire to do something great, not by the desire for money.

And that’s my real problem in real estate. There’s a lot of money to be made in real estate, simply by bringing buyers and sellers together. There’s nothing wrong with the business, but it simply doesn’t matter to me. I don’t feel as though I’m doing anything that a thousand other people couldn’t do just as well.

I might as well be selling soap. Or shoes. Or whatever.

I’ve often been told, “Do what you love and the money will follow,” but I’ve come to see that as very simplistic. When you do something you love, money might follow — if what you love happens to coincide with what can make money. But if your passion is for painting seashells or stage acting — or writing, for that matter — that passion might bring you absolutely nothing.

Here’s what I suspect is true. If you want to be at peace with yourself — in the long run — you have to do something which you truly care about. That might or might not make you affluent.

It’s also true that you must provide a minimum level of income to support yourself and whatever family counts on you. There’s no way around that. But if you can make that minimum amount you need to meet your needs, you’re better off doing something you care about than you are to do something you hate that makes 10 times the income.

I need to refocus on the things I care about. When I went through a miserably destitute period — about seven or eight years ago — I got so scared by the experience that I started focusing too much on the chase for money. And that hasn’t worked out well for me.

I need to refocus on things that matter to me. And if doing those things happens to bring serious money with them, great. I’m not going to pretend that having a nice income again wouldn’t make my life better. But if I return to chasing the things that matter to me, I’m going to be OK if I don’t make a six-figure income — just as long as I can do well enough to honorably support myself and anybody I care about.

Money isn’t a bad thing. Being wealthy can be a great thing, in fact. But loving money — and setting life up to be a big money grab — probably isn’t going to make you happy. It might not even bring you money. Doing it that way hasn’t worked for me.

Earlier this week, I saw this somewhere, but I don’t know where it came from: “Money is a terrible master, but an excellent servant.”

I think that’s true. Back when I used to make a good living, money was my servant, because it wasn’t my goal. But once I had trouble — and started being afraid of my lack of income — I allowed money to be my master. And I was miserable.

I’ve been thinking for the past few months about some changes that I need to make — and I’m going to talk about those things soon — but what I’m saying here fits right in with that longer-term thinking.

I can’t spend my life doing things which aren’t important to me, even if I fear that not having money will cost me relationships I might want. I have to get back to doing things that matter to me, regardless of the cost.

I hope that pursuing higher purposes will bring me fame and fortune and power. Those would be nice. But if they don’t — if I live a modest life in obscurity instead — I will be much happier than I am today.

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On a live awards show Sunday night, one man made a joke about a female celebrity. The husband of the celebrity was offended and hit the man who made the joke. Or maybe it was staged for entertainment. Who knows? Who cares? Social media is full of discussion — and even arguments — about this idiocy today. This baffles me. Let’s assume for a moment that the event happened as reported. People have been having such idiotic fights ever since there have been humans. Half the bars in the world see such brief dustups regularly. It simply doesn’t matter. The fact that so many people believe they need to talk about this — or even need to have opinions about it — is more evidence of the bizarre media brainwashing that convinces many to care passionately about brain-dead trivia. Your life will be happier and saner if you focus on yourself, your family and your friends, not on whatever scripted (or spontaneous) bilge that the media wants to pipe into your home.

I’m in the middle of migrating this website to new servers this week. This means you might encounter some unexpected behavior until I get all the bugs worked out. Clicking on my links (including this one) might cause your browser to give you the message that it’s a site without a current security certificate. It’s not actually unsafe, but there’s something which isn’t yet set up for the security certificate. I apologize for any such errors you might encounter while the process is going on. If you notice any problems with content which didn’t migrate properly, I would appreciate you letting me know the details at davidmcelroy@mac.com. Thanks for your patience.

I often wonder what animals think when they look at us and consider the society we’ve created. Yes, I know this is fanciful and unrealistic, but what if they could? Would they be astounded at how we treat each other? Would they be disgusted by the ugliness and pettiness which fill so many of our daily interactions? The truth is that I’m feeling pretty disgusted with humanity tonight. I made the mistake of reading some online interactions that I should have avoided — and it sickened me. The people involved appeared to be vile and stupid and arrogant. I wish I could pretend they’re a tiny minority, but I know better. It’s times such as this when I most need to escape much of “civilization” and disconnect from their world. If humans are going to be worthy of “ruling this planet,” we have a lot of growth to do. And I fear that growth is nowhere in sight. So my buddy Thomas, above, and all of his friends would be right to judge us harshly — and to think, “Why do you folks get to be in charge?”

I should have expected this, but I honestly didn’t. The article I wrote last week about disagreements over treatment for autistic children brought me angry emails. You could almost call it “hate mail.” Of the five emails about it so far, two have been to tell me that I’m wrong to even listen to critics of the most popular therapy for autistic children — and the other three tell me I’m wrong for not condemning the treatment as the “obvious” abuse it is. If you read the article, you know I didn’t take a position on the issue, because I simply don’t know enough to have an opinion. But by talking about the issue, I stepped into a heated controversy. The emails from the two sides convinced me of nothing. But they did give me even more empathy for the unfortunate parents who have to figure out for themselves where the truth lies for their children.

Have you ever had what you thought was a new idea — and then discovered that “old you” had the same idea years ago? I had that experience tonight. And it’s been wonderful. I came up with an idea tonight for a very short satirical film that would be a promotion for a fictitious college. The point is to make the college promote — as good things — everything which is actually terrible about most modern colleges. Then I remembered a fake college that I invented back when I was in college. I had created student recruitment brochures and various newsletters back then, so I decided to call my “new” college by the same name I’d invented years ago: Ochita College. As I searched my computer for any old material I might still have about Ochita from the past, I discovered an email I sent to someone in 2009 — outlining essentially the same idea which I came up with tonight. Since I didn’t remember writing that, it felt like magic. So my next film project just might be this one instead. If all goes well, you might soon see “Ochita College: Your Future Starts Here.” This should be fun.

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