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David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

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In spite of the ridiculous imagery, I still want to rescue my princess

By David McElroy · January 6, 2022

I’ve always wanted to be the hero. Even more than that, though, I wanted to be her hero.

It’s the oldest fantasy in my childhood memory. I have no idea how it started. I don’t remember what could have put the idea into my thoughts, but I was still a very small child when it became an obsession for me.

The girl was always in trouble of some kind. I made up all sorts of stories each night as I went to sleep. The specific dangers changed, but the pattern was always the same. The girl I loved was in trouble. She needed to be rescued. I came to her rescue in her moment of need — and she adored me as her hero and rescuer.

As an adult, this sort of story comes with all sorts of baggage, of course. Mature adults aren’t supposed to take such stories seriously. Some even claim that this historical and mythological imagery is sexist — that a woman shouldn’t need to be rescued and that a man shouldn’t want to be her hero.

But I don’t care. At my core, I still want to be her hero. When my princess is deepest in distress, she calls out for help and I rescue her. It’s a need that’s deeply embedded in culture and possibly genetics. And even though it’s ridiculous imagery from a child’s fairy tales, I still want to rescue my princess.

I used to put myself to sleep each night creating a theater of the mind. The stories really were all variations of “the knight protects and saves the princess.”

I remember stories in which the girl was in a burning building and I save her. There were others in which I commanded a spaceship that rescued the girl from various sorts of danger. And I can remember one variation in which she didn’t even love me anymore, but I still risked my life to save her and get her to safety — and she found out that I had saved her only after I was gone. (And that made her regret not having loved me, of course.)

It might sound odd to say, but I guess I assumed that every little boy was having the same fantasies of saving the girl — the princess who would grow up to become his one true love.

I have no idea why this old imagery is on my mind tonight, but it’s been powerful, almost as though something had awakened one of the old stories.

Even when I strip the medieval imagery from the stories, I still find myself wanting to play this role in a modern setting. The truth, though, is that there’s very rarely a princess who needs rescuing from a dragon today — or even from a burning building or space creatures or an invading army.

The adult version of the old story is far simpler. More mundane. It’s more about rescuing someone from an unhappy life or from circumstances which seem impossible to escape. These sorts of “dragons” are far more likely to threaten the heroine today. They’re far more realistic stories.

And there’s something else which I never realized when I was fantasizing about being the brave hero rescuing my love when I was a child. I really did want to rescue my love for her own sake, but I also wanted to rescue her so she could rescue me.

I’ve argued before that the best relationships are a form of mutual rescue, and I still believe that. Everybody needs something. Everybody has emotional holes that need to be filled. Everybody has hurts which mostly go unseen and unhealed.

But if two people can ever be honest enough — with themselves and each other — about where those hurts and needs are, they can find healing that neither could ever find alone. And I think that’s the real underlying truth of all those tales of rescue.

Even though our legends are about the princess who needs the brave knight to come rescue her, it’s obvious beneath the surface of the story that he needs her just as badly as she needs to be rescued. I think these stories survive in our culture and in our collective unconscious because they represent something which is deeply true for many of us.

I need my own kind of rescue. I need to be good enough — worthy enough, valuable enough, brave enough — to rescue my princess. And I need to rescue her so she can be my cherished queen who rescues me in her own way.

I don’t know if I’ll find the princess who wants and need me to rescue her — the princess who matters enough for me to risk it all on her behalf. Maybe it will forever remain just a piece of cherished romantic imagery from my childhood. Maybe.

But there’s part of me that is still childlike enough to believe in magic. Part of me still believes there’s some truth in the old legends. Part of me still believes that my princess is still out there somewhere — waiting for me to slay her dragon and rescue her from evil.

And part of me even still believes that we can live happily ever after.

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This was the Birmingham sunset at about 8 p.m. Fri This was the Birmingham sunset at about 8 p.m. Friday. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I was in the back yard with my dog at 5:30 a.m. an I was in the back yard with my dog at 5:30 a.m. and it suddenly started getting beautifully pink and magenta in the sky beyond the trees. I didn’t have time to go get my “real” camera, but this is what my iPhone caught of the lovely little display around us. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunrise #birmingham #alabama
I tried to get Alex to pose for a portrait in the I tried to get Alex to pose for a portrait in the studio tonight, but I never figured out a way to get him to look at the camera. He was fascinated by the studio, though, and he purred the whole time. This was the place where I took the first photos of him on the night I captured him when he was a feral kitten. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
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Lucy and I are taking her last walk of the day and Lucy and I are taking her last walk of the day and it’s just starting to rain lightly. The misting rain and low-lying fog that diffused the light from nearby street lamps give the night a magical feeling.
It seems as though the trees turned bare of their It seems as though the trees turned bare of their leaves almost overnight when I wasn’t paying attention. This is part of the neighborhood route that Lucy and I walk every night. #nature #naturephotography #sky #nightsky #iphone #birmingham #alabama
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Sam has actually gotten out of his bed for a few m Sam has actually gotten out of his bed for a few minutes early Friday afternoon, but I’m betting he’ll be back in the bed soon. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #blackcat #blackcats #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Just after sunrise Friday morning, Alex and Sam ar Just after sunrise Friday morning, Alex and Sam are sharing the cat bed on my desk. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Alex loves to chase a fabric mouse more than any o Alex loves to chase a fabric mouse more than any of the other games I play with him. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
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For “throwback Thursday,” here’s Thomas from For “throwback Thursday,” here’s Thomas from almost two years ago. He was already an old man who was declining rapidly by this point and I lost him a couple of months later. He was still handsome and distinguished all the way to the end. Thomas had been a feral adult when I took him in, so it was a long journey for him to be as happy and relaxed as he was for his last few years. #tbt #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Just before midnight, Sam has been watching cars d Just before midnight, Sam has been watching cars drive in front of the house and generally keeping an eye on the neighborhood. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #blackcat #blackcats #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Although Oliver was alert and watching the neighbo Although Oliver was alert and watching the neighborhood when I got home, Alex was being his usual lazy self as he snoozed in the cat bed on top of my desk. He didn’t seem inclined to wake up to greet me this time. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
When I got back home a few minutes ago, Oliver was When I got back home a few minutes ago, Oliver was on Neighborhood Watch on the end of my desk right next to a window. He hadn’t been vigilant for the entire time I was gone, though, because I got notifications about an hour ago that all of my Internet-connected devices were offline. It turned out that one of the cats had unplugged the router, but I can’t tell which one of them is the guilty party. Nobody will admit to anything. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Alex was still playing when I left the house Wedne Alex was still playing when I left the house Wednesday afternoon. As I walked out of the bedroom, he tried to swipe at my arm. He’s a sneaky boy. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
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