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David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

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As I quietly watch my world burn, I’m painfully aware this isn’t fine

By David McElroy · August 27, 2022

You might have seen this cartoon dog and these flames before. The artwork has become popular on “memes” which satirize people who are oblivious — or in denial — that their world is falling apart around them.

I feel like the little cartoon dog. I feel as though the world is on fire around me. The economy seems to be collapsing. The political system is in a dangerous shambles. The broader culture is a dysfunctional cesspool which is driven by idiots who are out of touch with reality.

But it’s not just the broader outside world. My own life is burning down, at least by the standards of what I expected and what I wanted — and even by the vision of what I believe is possible for my life.

I’m sitting here passively — in the metaphorical sense — and I’m watching the chaos play out all around me. I’m not doing anything about it because I haven’t figured out how to fix everything. I keep functioning as though everything is normal.

But inside, I am painfully aware that this is not fine. Something has to change.

I can’t fix the economy. That’s true. But I’ve understood for many years that the crisis — the potential collapse — was coming. I’ve known I needed to put aside enough money in a safe place to weather the storm.

I’ve seen the growing possibility of political and social collapse. I’ve seen how things could turn ugly and dangerous. I’ve known that I needed a safe place to go to escape the changes which I can’t control.

I haven’t set aside the money I need. I haven’t prepared a place to escape.

I came to an understanding years ago about what I needed to be doing with my life. I realized that I had a strong internal need to create art which expressed myself on a wide array of related ideas. Even if the work never made me wealthy or famous, I knew it was possible to live that way. I knew I could find a way to be congruent with my emotional needs and philosophical values.

But I haven’t done that yet.

I’ve understood for years what kind of family and love I wanted. As I set aside my early-life notions which I simply adopted from my culture, I came to understand what I wanted in a partner and in a family.

But over the last 20 years or so, I’ve squandered the opportunities I’ve had for love and family. I’ve fallen in love with women who were always going to be emotionally unavailable or I’ve mismanaged relationships in which I might have had lifelong love.

And now I find myself alone in life.

I find myself working five days a week on a job which I detest. It’s not a terrible job. The people I work with are good and decent. It’s not difficult work. But I spend each week praying for Friday afternoon to come so I can leave the office — and then I spend the weekend dreading having to return on Monday.

It’s not because the job or people or duties are awful. It’s simply that I desperately need to be doing something else — and having to do anything else has become deeply painful to me.

So I feel as though I’m passively sitting here watching the chaos of the world — watching a lot of things burn down — and I’m not fixing the things I could fix.

I tell myself I’m not sure how to fix the things I’ve left undone. There’s some truth in that. I’m also afraid of things I might have to do — risks I might have to take — in order to become who I need to be. I’m afraid of being an imposter as an artist. I’m afraid of failure. I think I’m even afraid of what it would feel like to succeed.

I don’t know the path forward, but I know that things have to change.

I might be sitting here passively. I might look as though I’m going about my life as normal. I might act as though I don’t know that my life and my world are on fire. I might seem as though I don’t know that I need to take massive action. But none of that is true.

On the inside, I know that this reality isn’t fine. I feel a sense of panic about a clock that’s ticking faster every day.

I know this isn’t fine.

I know that everything has to change.

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I didn’t have time to stop and I didn’t have m I didn’t have time to stop and I didn’t have my “real” camera with me anyway, but this is what my iPhone was able to get just a few minutes before sunset as I drove west on I-20 just east of Birmingham about an hour ago. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
This was the Birmingham sunset at about 8 p.m. Fri This was the Birmingham sunset at about 8 p.m. Friday. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I was in the back yard with my dog at 5:30 a.m. an I was in the back yard with my dog at 5:30 a.m. and it suddenly started getting beautifully pink and magenta in the sky beyond the trees. I didn’t have time to go get my “real” camera, but this is what my iPhone caught of the lovely little display around us. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunrise #birmingham #alabama
I tried to get Alex to pose for a portrait in the I tried to get Alex to pose for a portrait in the studio tonight, but I never figured out a way to get him to look at the camera. He was fascinated by the studio, though, and he purred the whole time. This was the place where I took the first photos of him on the night I captured him when he was a feral kitten. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
I apparently have way too much time on my hands. I I apparently have way too much time on my hands. I’ll let you know if any of the toy companies agree to pick this up as a featured toy for the upcoming Christmas season. Thanks, ChatGPT. 😺
Thunderstorms are just starting here, so I stopped Thunderstorms are just starting here, so I stopped on the way home — about a mile from my house — for some dramatic lightning photos. #nature #naturephotography #sky #lightning #night #thunderstorms #birmingham #alabama
This was the Friday evening sunset near my house a This was the Friday evening sunset near my house about half an hour ago. #nature #naturephotography #sky #colorful #clouds #sunset #birmingham #alabama
Lucy and I are taking her last walk of the day and Lucy and I are taking her last walk of the day and it’s just starting to rain lightly. The misting rain and low-lying fog that diffused the light from nearby street lamps give the night a magical feeling.
It seems as though the trees turned bare of their It seems as though the trees turned bare of their leaves almost overnight when I wasn’t paying attention. This is part of the neighborhood route that Lucy and I walk every night. #nature #naturephotography #sky #nightsky #iphone #birmingham #alabama
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This is the first time in hours that Sam has opene This is the first time in hours that Sam has opened his sleepy eyes Friday afternoon. He was still curled up in his favorite bed when I left the house. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #blackcat #blackcats #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Oliver is snoozing on the castle earlier than usua Oliver is snoozing on the castle earlier than usual Thursday night. He looks as though he’s already ready for bed. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
For “throwback Thursday,” here’s the lovely For “throwback Thursday,” here’s the lovely Charlotte from nine years ago. Charlotte was one of Molly’s kittens and she was one of the most beautiful and unusual cats I’ve ever been around. I lost her only about a month after this photo was taken, even though she was only 7 years old. I’ll never know what was going on the genes of that entire feline family, but none of them lived long lives — and the vet couldn’t pinpoint the cause for any of them. I always loved Charlotte’s beautiful green eyes against that striking dark gold fur. I don’t think I’ve ever seen precisely that color on a cat. #tbt #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Oliver and Alex were waiting for me in an office w Oliver and Alex were waiting for me in an office window when I arrived home just now. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Alex is hanging off the side of the castle because Alex is hanging off the side of the castle because he’s been using that long arm to swipe at the toy mouse we’ve been playing with. Alex is the only one of the current three cats who genuinely loves toys — and this particular fabric mouse has been his favorite since he was a kitten. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Sam hasn’t been with us for quite a year, but I Sam hasn’t been with us for quite a year, but I think he’s made great progress in converting himself into a lazy indoor cat. He’s had a couple of excellent role models in the pursuit of this behavior, of course. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #blackcat #blackcats #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
From the CritterCam: The birds outside this office From the CritterCam: The birds outside this office window are lucky that Alex can’t get to the other side of the glass Tuesday morning or else this would be the last day of their little lives. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
Alex relaxes on the castle just after midnight aft Alex relaxes on the castle just after midnight after a long and busy day. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #tabby #tabbycat #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
From the CritterCam: I’ll bet Sam is having more From the CritterCam: I’ll bet Sam is having more fun watching the neighborhood at home than I’m having showing houses an hour away. #cat #cats #catstagram #catsofinstagram #cute #cutecat #blackcat #blackcats #pets #petstagram #petsofinstagram #instacat #ilovecats #birmingham #alabama
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