She says she’ll always love me, but she didn’t say who she was

By David McElroy · May 25, 2025

The letter came by email. No name. A subject that said only, “Hello from the Past.” Just a message from a ghost who knew how to open old wounds.

It was only three paragraphs long, but I kept coming back to the final sentences.

“I will always love the man who loved me best, even though you won’t believe that and even though I’m sure you feel nothing for me now,” the letter said. “I miss your love and attention more than anybody knows.”

There was no signature. No clue. Just quiet regret and longing, poured out across an anonymous digital connection. There was no anger. No accusation. I keep reading the words over and over, wondering which woman wrote them — and wondering why she needed to send this.

She said she had run across a photo of me online which had triggered old feelings. She said she tries not to think about me anymore.

“You’re still a fire that draws me and now I can’t touch that fire, so I shouldn’t even look and let myself be tempted,” she wrote. “I feel this mostly when it’s late at night and I allow my brain to stop processing the distractions of my normal life. It makes me feel the almost uncontrollable urge to pick up the phone and call you again, but I know you probably wouldn’t want me to do that and probably wouldn’t answer if I did call.”

But who is she?

I forwarded the email to a friend and then called her for an opinion. She mentioned one possibility. I added a couple of others.

Loving relationships don’t always end cleanly when they’re broken. My experience is that the more two people want to find a way to continue a relationship, the more complicated and messy it is when things can’t continue for one reason or another.

The casual dating relationships that have ended with quiet goodbyes and acknowledgment of going in different directions haven’t been difficult for me. They’ve been clean and simple.

But deeper love doesn’t end cleanly. It can just become quiet and distant, because neither person wants to admit things are over for good. And sometimes it sleeps for so long — for months or even years — you think it’s gone for good.

Until someone writes you a letter and reminds you that there’s still some love hidden in someone’s heart.

My friend asked me whether I’d pick up the phone if her prime suspect were to call. I admitted that I didn’t know. I told her that I probably shouldn’t. I reminded her of another time when I did pick up the phone years ago and answer a call out of the blue from one of those women — and how it had led to nothing but pain.

For now, the uncertainty of the woman’s identity leaves me going over all sorts of scenarios in my head.

She made it very clear that she’s trying not to think about the love we once shared. (The complete text is below.) But the act of writing the letter tells me she hasn’t gotten over that love. It tells me she needed to speak something into the world, even if it wasn’t meant to be answered. Even if she didn’t want to hear back from me.

Or maybe she did want to hear back, but couldn’t bring herself to give me the chance. Maybe she didn’t want for either of us to be disappointed one more time.

The truth is, I don’t know what I’d say if I could talk with her. The response would be very different depending on who it was. I’d have little or nothing to say to some of them, but the feelings would be very different if it were one of them in particular. Part of me would want to tell her she’s wrong — that I do still love her on some level. That I still think about her. That I carry pieces of that old love with me — when I let myself remember.

But there’s another part of me that wonders if she’s right. Maybe it’s best that I don’t know. Maybe it’s best that I leave everyone from the past completely in the past. Maybe I should delete this email instead of reading it again and again looking for clues.

I wish she had told me who she was. I really do, because I don’t like uncertainty. But maybe I really do know, even though I don’t have a rational reason to know.

Maybe I just don’t want to admit to myself who I hope still loves me. I didn’t realize that until right now.

Note: Here’s the complete email. The name on the email account was “Anonymous Coward.” Here’s the text:

“I came across a picture of you online that seems to be recent and I wasn’t surprised to see you haven’t changed a bit. Seeing you again after all this time brought back a flood of emotions that I try not to feel anymore, because those feelings are dangerous. You’re still a fire that draws me and now I can’t touch that fire, so I shouldn’t even look and let myself be tempted. I feel this way mostly when it’s late at night and I allow my brain to stop processing the distractions of my normal life. It makes me feel an uncontrollable urge to pick up the phone and call you again, but I know you probably wouldn’t want me to do that and you probably wouldn’t answer if I did call.

“Even though I’m a coward to pretend this is anonymous (and I’m sure you’ll know it’s me), doing it this way lets me feel like there’s a veil to keep a separation between the life I have and the life I wish I had instead. I know I’m being selfish and weak. Please forgive me.

“I’m so sorry about choices that can’t be unmade now. If we could do things over again, the ending would be different. I’ve been over this is my head a thousand times. I will always love the man who loved me best, even though you won’t believe that and even though I’m sure you feel nothing for me now. I miss your love and attention more than anybody knows.”

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I’m seeing a lot of simplistic and dishonest explanations right now for the current rioting in France. Those on the populist far right claim it’s all about Muslim immigrants to France disrupting the culture. Their message is that this sort of thing is going to happen in the U.S. unless “we defend the border.” On the far left, socialists and their fellow travelers claim the riots are all about wealthy people in France not paying enough taxes, resulting in cuts to government services. The truth is far more complicated, but it’s rooted in the decline of population growth in Europe. There simply aren’t enough young workers paying into the tax system anymore, so cuts in social services were inevitable. There is genuine cultural tension as more and more people immigrate from other countries, but government cuts to education and other services are even more important to what’s happening. The situation is complicated, so don’t let dishonest people with U.S. political agendas tell you that it happens to support whatever they were already promoting for partisan reasons.

Here’s another reason to appreciate the cats in your life: New research involving 93 countries found that places with more cats per person also tended to have happier people. The researchers say the finding fits with previous evidence that living with pets can reduce loneliness and stress while providing companionship, emotional attachment and social support. The study doesn’t prove that cats cause greater happiness, but it certainly adds to the evidence that sharing your home — and your life — with a cat might be good for you.

The company that owns Facebook and Instagram is heavily promoting its new AI-based software assistant called Muse, but people who are using it as it was designed are incredibly foolish. An early adopter of the software discovered that a few days ago when he advertised an item for sale on Facebook Marketplace — and he inadvertently gave Muse full authority to act on his behalf. The software agreed to a lowball offer made by another Facebook user and then gave that man the home address of the man for whom he was an agent. The software told the buyer that the seller was home and waiting for him. When the buyer showed up and waited angrily, the would-be buyer left an angry review for the man. And this angry man had the seller’s home address. It was only well after that that the software reported what it had done and admitted it had made a mistake. I won’t be putting that much power into the hands of any software. I think anyone who agrees to such terms is a fool. And the software’s user agreement says you’re responsible for purchases the software makes in your name. Nope.

Meet my new girlfriend. Her name is Meg. And she’s my little sweetheart. A couple of months ago, a neighbor across the street told me about a new stray in the neighborhood that she and I were both soon feeding. The cat had been very skittish about contact and she had a lot of scabs and parasites in her fur, but a trip to the vet last week revealed that she was otherwise in good health. The vet estimates her to be 1 to 2 years old. I named her for Meg Murry, the 13-year-old protagonist of Madeleine L’Engle’s wonderful book, “A Wrinkle in Time.” (Please read the book. Don’t watch the horrible movie.) Since we lost Lucy almost a year ago, it seems appropriate that we finally have a new little girl to join the household. She’s already captured my heart, but Alex, Oliver and Sam aren’t there quite yet.

There’s nothing socially acceptable that’s as dangerous as drinking alcohol. Most people grow up being told to “drink responsibly” — and all of us see people abusing this drug in one way or another — but the truth is that drinking alcohol is always a terrible risk. The alcohol in these drinks is toxic and the human liver has to work hard to filter the toxins out. What most people don’t realize is that alcohol is classified as a known carcinogen by the World Health Organization — because of the well-established connection between imbibing and various cancers. Many people have taken refuge behind the idea that light or moderate drinking might be safe, but a new study shows that drinking even one drink a day increases the risks of 10 types of cancer. When I was a teen-ager, I looked around and saw the negative effects that this behavior had on a lot of people and decided not to start drinking, so I’ve never even tried this poison. The evidence keeps piling up that I was lucky to have come to that conclusion early.

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