I have trouble giving up on people.
It’s not just people, though. It’s more accurate to say I have trouble giving up on whatever fantasy of the future that I’ve created in my mind. Sometimes that involves people. Sometimes it’s an achievement I’ve set my heart on. It can be any fantasy of what I think my life is going to look like.
I fall in love with my fantasies, I suppose. My life will be perfect when I make this thing happen. Everything will be perfect when this woman loves me and we live happily ever after.
And when I figure out that I’ve been chasing the wrong thing, I have trouble letting go of it. I have trouble saying that this thing is never going to happen. It’s hard for me to admit that maybe the thing I’ve been chasing was never good for me anyway.
When I stubbornly cling to dreams that are already dead, I sometimes allow myself to miss better opportunities. I sometimes mope so much about what I can’t have — even something I’ve decided isn’t good for me — that I miss better choices.
It’s been very difficult for me to stop watering dead flowers.

Authentic identity gets lost when everything becomes performance
Path to loving a woman always starts with intimidation for me
What if writing from the ‘AI me’ sounds just like I’d written it?
If Court reverses Roe v. Wade, we’re facing a social tsunami
Goodbye, Lucy (2012?-2025)
Without motivation, dreams fade,
Fear of Big Brother: What good are rights if you’re afraid to use them?
What do you do when it feels as though your entire world is over?