I have trouble giving up on people.
It’s not just people, though. It’s more accurate to say I have trouble giving up on whatever fantasy of the future that I’ve created in my mind. Sometimes that involves people. Sometimes it’s an achievement I’ve set my heart on. It can be any fantasy of what I think my life is going to look like.
I fall in love with my fantasies, I suppose. My life will be perfect when I make this thing happen. Everything will be perfect when this woman loves me and we live happily ever after.
And when I figure out that I’ve been chasing the wrong thing, I have trouble letting go of it. I have trouble saying that this thing is never going to happen. It’s hard for me to admit that maybe the thing I’ve been chasing was never good for me anyway.
When I stubbornly cling to dreams that are already dead, I sometimes allow myself to miss better opportunities. I sometimes mope so much about what I can’t have — even something I’ve decided isn’t good for me — that I miss better choices.
It’s been very difficult for me to stop watering dead flowers.

I fear nobody will come with me as I start down a difficult path
When you make your life choices, you also pick the consequences
Why waste your one life on political scandal that won’t change anything?
Hidden chains need to be broken, so I’ve become a reluctant rebel
As a child, I was a capable liar, because I mimicked a narcissist
THE McELROY ZOO: Meet Bessie, the beautiful girl who’s still scared
If they steal from taxpayers long enough, shoplifting seems normal
Dogs, cats and children remind me of all the joy in small things