For the first time in my life, I’m happy. At least some of the time.
That’s not exactly the right word — when I say “happy” — but it’s the best way I know to describe it. Have I ever experienced happiness before? Yes, of course. But when I’ve been happy in the past, it’s always been that I’ve felt happy about something in particular.
I was happy that a woman loved me. I was happy that I’d solved a major problem. Or gotten something new. Achieved something that made me feel good for a moment.
But there was always an expiration date on those things, even if I often didn’t understand that. If I felt happy that a particular woman loved me — someone who I had wanted, for instance — I typically felt as though this was the one thing that would make me happy for life.
But there was always something missing. Something was wrong.
Once the relationship died — or the shiny new object lost its shine — I always grew restless. Something inside me was always looking for the next big thing that would make me happy.
Slowly — without me consciously noticing it — something changed. A miracle happened.

‘What’s the worth of one warm smile? Go and ask the dead man’
Going back to fundamentals gets me closer to the quality I want
Emotional toll from surgery harder than physical recovery
Yes, Trump is scary and crazy, but fear the immoral system, not him
I still have trouble accepting that my idealized world doesn’t exist
World is an insane roller coaster and I need this insanity to stop
AUDIO: Someone holding a grudge feels like poison from the past
With space shuttle finally dead, free market can do better job in space