In order to show how much they care, the folks in the White House have set up a website for people to make petitions about issues they care about. What the politicians didn’t count on was someone using their system to satirize how vapid and condescending the actual responses are.
Any sane and realistic person knows that the administration doesn’t care how many petitions you sign. (It’s not just this one, of course. No administration cares about petitions, contrary to what many people assume.) It’s only interested in how many votes you can deliver and how many dollars you can give.
For the rest of us, they’re just interested in placating us. They’ll pretend to listen. They’ll write boilerplate responses. They might even promise a pony sometimes. But it’s not going to change reality.
The White House petition system is for PR purposes, pure and simple. We all know that. And when politicians go through the motions of pretending to take us seriously, it’s condescending. So here’s a petition that I hope you’ll actually consider signing:
The right woman in a man’s life brings out the best he has to give
Quit using the word ‘masculinity’
Intellectual honesty mostly dead — but few partisans even care
In other news, donations keep pouring in to feed the monkeys
NOTEBOOK: If results confuse Paul’s aides, how competent are they?
We rarely have wisdom we need ’til it’s too late to avoid mistakes
Corrupt Trump isn’t even hiding half-billion dollar bribe anymore
Faith is our only assurance that rebirth will come again in spring