It’s been years since I figured out that my father was a narcissist. It’s been years since I started understanding the effects he had on me — how he warped my mind and damaged me at my core. And every time I start thinking that I’ve already dealt with the lingering legacy of his dysfunctional programming, I see something in myself that reminds me that he’s still inside me — in ways that might never change — and that I have to constantly watch for bits and pieces of his dysfunction to come out in me.
I was driving home from work this evening when it happened again. I started thinking about doing something that was nominally a good thing to do — but then I realized what my motivation was. I realized that I was once again trying to prove to myself that I was a good person. The old programming had kicked in once more.
This is the next in a series of videos dealing with issues that come up for me to think about as I write a book about my childhood experience of growing up with a narcissistic father. You can visit that YouTube channel to subscribe to future videos. (Liking and subscribing help me quite a bit in helping others to see the videos.) Or you can watch the most recent video below.

It’s best to focus on future, ’cause dead past is a ‘bridge to nowhere’
Why are killing, maiming people elsewhere called moral, ‘legal’?
Hank Williams story reminds me I’ve always wanted to be a star
When the state turns you into a criminal, friends become enemies
Could we solve tough problems if we didn’t know they’re difficult?
Deconstructing my old life’s hard, but I’m learning to be healthier
Why can it feel strange to lose homes we haven’t seen for years?
Why are so many of us afraid of the love and happiness we want?