When I was young, I wanted to be great. I wanted to be important, successful and powerful. I wanted to be put onto a pedestal, where I could get the adulation and approval I craved.
I wouldn’t have put it that way then, of course. I just thought I wanted the things my culture presented as normal goals for someone like me. (I understand now the degree to which being raised by a narcissistic father left me craving approval and attention.)
As I’ve gotten more emotionally healthy and psychologically mature, I’ve been surprised to find out that my desires in life have changed. It’s not that I’ve “given up.” It’s not that I’m settling for something easy after failing to achieve things I wanted.
My desires today are healthier and far more likely to make me happy. You see, I want to be ordinary. I want to be a good man. I want to be kind and loving and content with the joy of living an ordinary human life.
But I’ve recently discovered a fascinating paradox. As an ordinary man, I won’t have the things this world and our culture have always promised me. I won’t have wealth or power or adulation. But it turns out that the people who gain what the world and our culture promise won’t have what I have.
They won’t have the peace and contentment and joy of a man who’s living a simple and ordinary life.

I struggle to fix the imperfection in myself and world around me
Without hope for a better future, depression grabs us by the throat
My father’s death was proof that unhappiness quickly kills a man
If I look closely at my old self, there’s a lot which is now dead
Mark Bodenhausen was principled libertarian, but even better person
THE McELROY ZOO: Meet Sonny, a sweet boy who needs a home
In a world full of hate and hurt, love must be a conscious choice
Why do we often attract the folks who are most destructive for us?