In a world full of hate and hurt, love must be a conscious choice

By David McElroy · March 12, 2022

I’m not certain whether I love this world or hate it. I’m never sure whether I love my fellow humans or hate all of us. How can I be so confused about this?

There are times when I experience beauty and love and joy as I walk through this world. In those moments, I feel as though all is right and I’m at peace. I feel as though I love the people around me and want to connect with them. In those moments, it’s a joy to be alive.

But there are times when mundane and callous actions by others pierce my heart and make me hurt and cynical. In those times, I sometimes hear an inner voice crying, “I hate everybody!” In those moments, I want to give up on humans and become a hermit. I wonder why God made us.

Am I confused? Schizo? Bi-polar?

Not really. I’m just experiencing very different parts of what it means to be alive. And as much as I want to rage against the things which hurt me and make me want to run away, I have to accept that my own choices have brought me to where I am. Even when others have taken actions which have hurt me and angered me, I am the one with the power to change my own life.

Nobody can do it for me. I have to change myself in order to change my experience of this world.

I read a piece of advice the other day that made me cynically scoff at its naïveté:

“Decide that kind of life you actually want. Then say no to everything that isn’t that.”

The idea is ridiculous. I’m just going to say no to being hurt or being alone. I’m going to refuse to do any work which doesn’t make me happy. I’m going to say no to taxes and politicians and more. It’s ridiculous.

But after I let the cynicism fade, I realized that I was eager to make sure I could blame others for the things which I don’t like in my life. Although there will always be things about this world — and my fellow humans — which are not what I want them to be, I realized that my choices drive how I interpret my experiences.

I can choose to believe that other people hate me and intentionally hurt me. Or I can choose to believe that they are hurting people who are doing the best they can. I can realize that they are just as confused and clueless as I’ve been when I’ve hurt others.

No matter how I thought about this, I kept coming back to my own choices.

I’m the one who determines how other people see me. I have a great influence on how they react to me. And I can decide whether I’m going to judge other people by the same standards I have for myself — or if I’m going to make excuses for myself and harshly condemn them.

If I can remain conscious of this, I can have more empathy for others. And I can also have more empathy for myself. Because we are all constantly making choices — and hoping things will be different this time.

Sometimes we get things right. Sometimes we make the wrong choices. Sometimes we live up to our own values. Other times, we fail and we make excuses for the messes we make.

Life is messy and we’re going to make mistakes. I’ve made more than my share of those mistakes. But through the ups and downs that we create for ourselves, we can see what it’s like to be loved — and we can see what it’s like to love someone else in a genuine way.

We can also experience what it’s like for others to be hateful and nasty to us. We can know what it’s like for others to mistreat us and allow us to be hurt.

But if we’re paying attention, we can make choices that guide us back toward the light. We can say no to the things which we discover are evil and hurtful. We can transform our own hearts to be more loving and decent to others. We can even learn to love ourselves.

But it’s a choice.

This world will never be perfect. It will never be filled with people who are flawless and always loving. But we can learn to make loving choices, for ourselves and others. We can learn to move away from hateful and hurtful people. We can learn to choose loving and nurturing people to be in our lives.

If we make the right choices — every single day — we can experience more of the love and joy of this world. And less of the hate and hurt.

It’s a matter of growing and maturing. It’s admitting our failures and asking for help. It’s learning wisdom in the face of our mistakes.

There will always be plenty of hate and hurt in this world, but our choices can bring us love and joy. In the midst of the pain and hatred of this lost world, we can choose to create our own tiny refuge of love.

We can never change the things we’ve done to create what we have now — whatever has brought us the hurt and pain — but we can start making better decisions for the future. At least in our hearts, we can try to create a paradise on Earth.

It starts with a conscious choice to change ourselves. And then this world might look very different when we look at it through the lens of love.

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